[845] in Humor
HUMOR: College Application Essay (fwd)
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (clineja@MIT.EDU)
Tue Apr 25 21:47:07 1995
From: clineja@MIT.EDU
Date: Tue, 25 Apr 95 21:44:28 -0400
To: humor@MIT.EDU
MIT material? -Jason
From: Joanna.J.Cline@Dartmouth.EDU (Joanna J. Cline)
>From: Michele-Ann Marinak
> > This is an actual essay written by a college applicant to NYU. The
> > author was accepted and is now attending NYU.
> >
> > 3A. IN ORDER FOR THE ADMISSIONS STAFF OF OUR COLLEGE TO GET TO
> > KNOW YOU, THE APPLICANT, BETTER, WE ASK THAT YOU ANSWER THE
> > FOLLOWING QUESTION:
> > ARE THERE ANY SIGNIFICANT EXPERIENCES YOU HAVE HAD, OR
> > ACCOMPLISHMENTS YOU HAVE REALIZED, THAT HAVE HELPED TO DEFINE
> > YOU AS A PERSON?
> >
> > I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have
> > been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more
> > efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for
> > Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently.
> >
> > Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row.
> >
> > I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot
> > bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook
> > Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a
> > veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.
> >
> > Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly
> > defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious
> > army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets, I am the
> > subject of numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I build large
> > suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On
> > Wednesdays, after school, I repair electrical appliances free of charge.
> >
> > I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie.
> > Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear.
> > I don't perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I
have
> > been caller number nine and have won the weekend passes. Last summer I
> > toured New Jersey with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration.
> > I bat 400.
> >
> > My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany
> > circles. Children trust me.
> >
> > I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy.
> > I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day
and
> > still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know
> > the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have
> > performed several covert operations with the CIA. I sleep once a week;
> > when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I
> > successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small
> > bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me.
> >
> > I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On
> > weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years
> > ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have
> > made extraordinary four course meals using only a mouli and a toaster
> > oven.
> >
> > I breed prizewinning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan,
> > cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin.
> >
> > I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have
> > spoken with Elvis.
> >
> > But I have not yet gone to college.
> >
> >
> > ------- End of Forwarded Message
> >
> >
> >
>
