[846] in Humor
HUMOR: Like a Ton of Bricks
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Andrew A. Bennett)
Wed Apr 26 10:42:06 1995
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Wed, 26 Apr 1995 10:38:49 EDT
From: "Andrew A. Bennett" <abennett@MIT.EDU>
Date: Tue, 25 Apr 95 14:27:04 PDT
From: Connie_Kleinjans@Novell.COM (Connie Kleinjans)
From: jeff.snyder@octel.com
If ever you feel the world is against you, consider this poor fellow's
afternoon...
============
This is a bricklayer's accident report that was printed in the newsletter
of the English equivalent of the Workers' Compensation Board. So here,
thanks to John Sedgwick is this Bricklayer's report.
Dear Sir:
I am writing in response to your request for additional information in
Block #3 of the accident reporting form. I put "Poor Planning" as the
cause of my accident. You asked for a fuller explanation and I trust the
following details will be sufficient.
I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working
alone on the roof of a new six-storey building. When I completed my work, I
found I had some bricks left over which when weighed later were found to
weigh 240 lbs. Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to
lower them in a barrel by using a pulley which was attached to the side of
the building at the sixth floor.
Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel
out and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went down and untied the rope,
holding it tightly to insure a slow descent of the 240 lbs of bricks. You
will note on the accident reporting form that my weight is 135 lbs.
Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my
presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I
proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building.
In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel which was now
proceeding downward at an equally impressive speed. This explains the
fractured skull, minor abrasions and the broken collarbone, as listed in
Section 3, accident reporting form.
Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the
fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley which I
mentioned in Paragraph 2 of this correspondence. Fortunately by this time
I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly to the
rope, in spite of the excruciating pain I was now beginning to experience.
At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the
ground-and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Now devoid of the weight of
the bricks, the barrel weighed approximately 50 lbs.
I refer you again to my weight. As you might imagine, I began a rapid
descent down the side of the building.
In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up. This
accounts for the two fractured ankles, broken tooth and severe lacerations
of my legs and lower body.
Here my luck began to change slightly. The encounter with the barrel
seemed to slow me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the pile of
bricks and fortunately only three vertebrae were cracked.
I am sorry to report, however, as I lay there on the pile of bricks, in
pain, unable to move and watching the empty barrel six stories above me, I
again lost my composure and presence of mind and let go of the rope.
