[774] in Humor
HUMOR: Another New Element
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Andrew A. Bennett)
Fri Mar 17 15:38:51 1995
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Fri, 17 Mar 1995 15:29:55 EST
From: "Andrew A. Bennett" <abennett@MIT.EDU>
From: ashteynb@eniac.seas.upenn.edu (Alexander Shteynberg)
Posted-Date: Sat, 6 Nov 93 14:35:35 EST
Subject: Man vs. Women Humor
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Man - A Chemical Analysis
Element : Man
Symbol : Ah (short for Asshole)
Quantitative : Accepted at 7 inches, wavy brown hair, 6' 0" in length,
though some isotopes can be as short as 4 inches.
Discoverer : Eve
Occurrence : Found following duel element Wo, often in high
concentration near a perfect Wo specimen.
Physical properties: 1) Obnoxious when mixed with C*H*-OH (any alcohol).
2) Tends to fall into very low energy state directly after
reaction with Wo (Snore ... zzzzz).
3) Gains considerable mass as specimen ages, loses
reactive nature.
4) Rarely found in pure form after 14th year.
5) Often damaged as a direct result of unlucky reaction
with polluted form of the Wo common ore.
Chemical properties: 1) All forms desire reaction with Wo, even when no
further reaction is possible.
2) May react with several Wo isotopes in short period
under extremely favorable conditions.
3) Usually willing to react with what ever is available.
4) Reaction Rates range from aborted/non-existent to
Pre-interaction effects (which tend to turn the
specimen bright red.
5) Reaction styles vary from extremely slow, calm
and wet to violent/bloody.
Storage : Best results apparently near 18 for high reaction rate, 25-35 for
favorable reaction style.
Uses : Heavy boxes, top shelves, long walks late at night, free dinners
for Wo.
Tests : Pure specimen will rarely reveal purity, while reacted specimens
broadcast information on many wavelengths.
Caution : Tends to react extremely violently when other Ah interferes with
reaction to a particular Wo specimen. Otherwise very maleable under
correct conditions.
