[548] in Humor
HUMOR (long): Mini AIR
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Andrew A. Bennett)
Thu Nov 17 10:27:09 1994
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Thu, 17 Nov 1994 10:22:48 EST
From: "Andrew A. Bennett" <abennett@MIT.EDU>
From: Marc Abrahams <marca@MIT.EDU>
Subject: mini-AIR Nov 94 - Time caplet, dervish, barney,,,
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The mini-Annals of Improbable Research ("mini-AIR")
Issue Number 1994-07
November, 1994
ISSN 1076-500X
Key words: science humor,improbable research,Ig Nobel
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The mini-journal of inflated research and personalities
published by The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR)
at The MIT Museum
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1994-07-01 TABLE OF CONTENTS
1994-07-01 Table of Contents
1994-07-02 AIRhead News Flashes and Flushes
1994-07-03 Ig Nobel Peace Prize: Follow-up Investigation
1994-07-04 Selected Abstracts from AIR vol. 1, no. 1
1994-07-05 AIRhead Time Caplet: Exhumation & Interment Contest
1994-07-06 AIRhead Project 2000: preliminary results
1994-07-07 Science and the Dervish
1994-07-08 May We Recommend...
1994-07-09 AIRhead Events
1994-07-10 Calls for Papers
1994-07-11 Purpose of mini-AIR (*)
1994-07-12 How to Subscribe to AIR(*)
1994-07-13 How to Receive to mini-AIR, etc.(*)
1994-07-14 AIR's Mailing and Internet Addresses (*)
1994-07-15 Please DO make copies! (*)
Items marked (*) are reprinted in every issue.
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1994-07-02 AIRhead News Flashes and Flushes
1. Many readers pointed out that the October issue of mini-AIR was
mistakenly dated 1995 rather than 1894. Thank you.
2. Beware...
The very first initial premiere grand commemorative historic
collectible tribute issue of AIR will be appearing on your
doorstep in mid-December, provided that you have remembered to
send in your subscription. We are holding a special event to mar
the occasion (see section 1994-07-04 below for details).
And why not spread the cheer. Give Grandma the one holiday gift
she will never forget, no matter how hard she tries.
Give the lady some AIR.
3. AIR home page is coming
Chances are high that mini-AIR readers will soon be able to obtain
a series of improbably memorable digital images of the must lurid
and scientific sort. Our World Wide Web home page is nearly
ready. Details will be announced in the next issue of mini-AIR.
4. AIRhead Tours
If your group of 25 or more colleagues, students, or admirers is
coming to Cambridge, you can arrange for a special AIRhead Tour of
The MIT Museum, including the notorious Hacks Collection and a
chance to meet a genuine AIRhead. The tour includes a half hour
slide show/talk on "Improbable Science and the Ig Nobel Prizes."
Phone or e-mail to arrange a tour.
5. Once again, we salute those members of the international
scientific and technical community who arranged the details of
World Standards Day. This year, World Standards Day was October
14. In the US, the day was marked on October 11. In Finland,
World Standards Day occurred on October 13. Italy held its own
standards conference on October 18.
6. AIR is an intensely nonprofit educational activity of The MIT
Museum. Any generous support you or yours (or someone else's)
might donate in the form of equipment, clerical assistance, or one
of the more widely recognized kinds of sustenance would: (a)
irremediably advance the cause of improbable research and
education; and (b) bring widespread glory, satisfaction and other
desirable states of being.
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1994-07-03 Ig Nobel Peace Prize: Follow-up Investigation
Robert L. Park of the American Physical Society (APS) has done a
follow-up investigation of the work which earned John Hagelin this
year's Ig Nobel Peace Prize. Park's report appeared in his weekly
APS newsletter, "WHAT'S NEW." It reads in part:
"The [1994 Ig Nobel] Peace Prize went to physicist John Hagelin
for his experiment to reduce crime in Washington, DC by the
coherent meditation of 4,000 TM [Transcendental Meditation]
experts. By coincidence, Hagelin was holding a press conference
[on the day of the Ig Nobel Ceremony] to announce his final
results. It was a data analysis clinic; violent crime, he proudly
declared, decreased 18%! Relative to what? To the predictions of
"time-series analysis" involving variables such as temperature and
the economy. So although the weekly murder count hit the highest
level ever recorded, it was less than predicted."
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1994-07-04 Selected Abstracts from AIR vol. 1, no. 1
Following are selected abstracts from vol. 1, no. 1, of The Annals
of Improbable Research (AIR). For full details, including lurid
photographs and data, see the issue itself. Additional abstracts
will appear in the next issue of mini-AIR. Collect the whole set
and amaze your friends and yourself.
"The Taxonomy of Barney," Edward C. Theriot, Arthur E. Bogan, and
Earle E. Spamer.
The authors observed on television an animal which was there
identified as a dinosaur, Barney. X-ray, cladistic, and
morphological analyses suggest that Barney is a hominid. The
authors note that Barney more closely resembles a dead salmon than
a dinosaur. [Includes photos and charts]
"The Aerodynamics of Potato Chips," by Scott Sandford, Jim Ross,
Joe Sacco, and Nathaniel Hellerstein.
Potato chips were subjected to a rigorous series of wind-tunnel
tests. The authors conclude that, "you can throw a potato chip,
just not very far." Other conclusions are also presented.
[Includes photos and graphs]
"Nobel Thoughts: Sidney Altman," by Marc Abrahams.
The Nobel chemistry Laureate addresses questions about beer and
potato chips. [Includes photo]
"At the Fourth First Annual Ig Nobel Prize Ceremony," by Stephen
Drew and Francesca Thurston.
A complete report on this year's ceremony, featuring citations of
the ten Prizewinning efforts and highlights from the acceptance
speeches and the 30-second Heisenberg Certainty Lectures.
Features 16 photos, including several of the world premiere ballet
"Interpretive Dance of the Electrons" featuring The Nicola Hawkins
Dancers, three Nobel Laureates, and jazz harpist Deborah Henson-
Conant.
"The mickeymouse Gene" (photomicrograph), Timothy P. Angelotti and
Marco A. Scarpetta
"QI of IQ: Quantum Interpretation of The Intelligence Quotient,"
by Dudley Herschbach.
It is hypothesized that intelligence arises from the vibrating
molecules within our brains. Qualitatively, IQ is directly
proportional to the vibrational amplitude. The distribution of
IQ's can be explained by a combination of quantum "tunnel
effects," temperature T, and the spring constant K of each
individual's head. [Includes instructive graph]
Each issue includes genuine page numbers.
Other regular features include:
AIRhead Medical Review
AIRhead Research Review
AIRhead Legal Review
May We Recommend
Bends on the Learning Curve
Not by the Book (insidious tricks for teaching)
Nobel Thoughts (interview with a Nobel Laureate)
Scientific Gossip
Solution to the Puzzler
Hot AIR -- letters from our readers
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1994-07-05 AIRhead Time Caplet: Exhumation & Interment Contest
To mark the publication of AIR's premiere print issue, the
assembled AIRheads will be unearthing a time caplet, removing the
contents, discarding them, placing new items into the time caplet,
and reburying the apparatus. The caplet items will epitomize the
concept of "inflated research and personalities." This is a
shamelessly promotional event designed for the press, and everyone
is welcome to take part.
CAPLET CONTEST
Please e-mail your entry to: bourbaki@neu.edu
Here is the contest question:
What/who should be placed into the time caplet
when we re-bury it?
CONTEST RULES
1. What do you receive if you win?
Nothing -- this contest was devised by AIRheads.
2. Contest submissions must be brief. At your option, they
may be in the form of poetry (caplet couplets).
3. We won't be able to personally reply to the contest
submissions, but the winners will be honored in a
future issue of mini-AIR, whether they like it or not.
HOOPLA
Several pieces of outstanding improbable research will also be
presented at the event. Dudley Herschbach of Harvard, 1986 Nobel
Chemistry Laureate, will deliver a five minute lecture based on
his AIR article, "QI of IQ: A Quantum Interpretation of the
Intelligence Quotient." Dr. Thomas Michel of Brigham and Women's
Hospital will present his strictures for "Politically Correct
Cardiology." Other AIRheads will present research of similar
caliber. Musicians, technicians, architectural historians,
literati, and a poodle will also be in attendance.
ATTENDING THE EVENT
The event will take place at the MIT Museum, on Wednesday,
December 14, at 6:30 pm. It will be 45 minutes in length, unless
the caplet contents are found to be lethal. A very limited number
of tickets (they are free!) will be available at the Museum ONLY
the week of the event ONLY ONLY ONLY. Heckling and picketing are
strongly encouraged. Lab coats or other appropriate attire are
mandatory.
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1994-07-06 AIRhead Project 2000: preliminary results
As announced in mini-AIR 1994-02-03 (June, 1993), we are compiling
a list of studies, projects, and products that involve the number
two thousand. Randomly selected items from the list include:
Items # 308C and D (submitted by investigator Tom Hood)
FDS 2000 - automobile diagnostic system produced by Ford.
LASER 2000 - automobile diagnostic system produced by Lucas.
Item # A5 (submitted by investigator John A. Thywissen)
AirLand Battle 2000 - US Army plan for fighting future wars.
Item # 99-301-H (submitted by investigator Stuart Norris)
Sydney 2000 - Sydney's bid to host the 2000 Olympic Games.
Item # A5 (submitted by investigator Hazel Boston-Baden)
Peninsula Rail 2000: a group of San Francisco Bay Area
passenger rail advocates. Their goal is to ring the
bay with rail (transit) by 2000.
Item3 # A5A, A5B, A5N (submitted by investigator Dave Bell)
Twilight 2000: Roleplaying game published by Games Designers
Workshop, set in the aftermath of a major war in
Europe which leads to a collapse of society
throughout the civilised world, and America.
2000AD: Long-running British comic-book for pre-teen and
early-teen audience, famous for the character "Judge
Dredd, and infamous for the lacklustre revival
of Dan Dare.
Sim City 2000: An urban planning computer game.
Item # 777 (submitted by investigator Dany)
Shower 2000 bath and shower gel. This item comes in three
flavors: Aloe Vera moisturizing formula; Feels Great
energizing formula; Superscent deodorizing formula.
[NOTE: This project continues to gain momentum, a fact for which
we have no explanation. If you have an explanation, please keep
it to yourself.]
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1994-07-07 Science and the Dervish
The Whirling Dervishes of Turkey are currently on a performance
tour of the United States. Here is extract from the program
booklet given to their audiences. It was written by Dr. Celaddin
B. Celebi, their master of ceremonies and the grandson of Hz.
Mevlana:
"Contemporary science definitely confirms that the fundamental
condition of our existence is to revolve. There is no object, no
being that does not revolve and the shared similarity among beings
is the revolution of the electrons and protons in the atoms, which
constitute the structure of the smallest particle to the stars far
in the sky. As a consequence of thsi similarity, everything
revolves and man carries on his life, his very existence by means
of the revolution in the atoms, structural elements in his body,
by the circulation of his blood, by his coming from the Earth and
return to it, by his revolving with the earth itself."
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1994-07-08 May We Recommend...
Research reports that merit a trip to the library:
"The effects of chewing gum stick size and duration of chewing on
salivary flow rate and sucrose and bicarbonate concentrations," M.
Rosenhek, L. Macpherson, and C. Dawes, "Archives of Oral Biology,"
vol. 38, no.10, Oct. 1993, pp. 885-891. (Thanks to Wayne Woods
for bringing this to our attention.)
"Illustrations of the Gestalt-Individual versus Group Performances
By the Members of the Rolling Stones," R.N. Paddle, "Australian
Psychology," vol. 23, no. 1, p. 88. (Thanks to Jim Jewett for
bringing this to our attention.)
"Synergistic activation of Ras and 14-3-3 protein of a mitogen
activated protein kinase kinase kinase named Ras-dependant
extracelluar signal regulated kinase kinase stimulator," by K.
Shimizuet et al, "Journal of Biological Chemistry," vol. 269,
1994, p. 22917. (Thanks to Mohan Natesan for bringing this to our
attention. Natesan suggests that the title was inspired by
Boutros Boutros-Ghali.)
(We welcome your suggestions for this column. Please include full
citations. If possible, please send us a photocopy of the paper.)
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1994-07-09 AIRhead Events
IG NOBEL CEREMONY RADIO BROADCAST Fri., Nov. 25
"Talk of the Nation/Science Friday" will broadcast a (nearly)
complete recording of this year's Ig Nobel Prize Ceremony.
This is the day after Thanksgiving in the US. Check your local
National Public Radio station for broadcast time; in most cities
other than DC and NYC, the show is on from 2-4 pm eastern time.
The Ig Ceremony will comprise (and compromise) the program's
second hour (3-4 pm eastern).
DARTMOUTH COLLEGE Wed., Nov. 30, 6:30 pm
Cook Auditorium.
Info: julia.a.keith@dartmouth.edu, 603-646-3940
AIRhead TIME CAPLET UNEARTHING/BURIAL Wed., Dec 14, 6:30 pm
The event will take place at the MIT Museum.
A very limited number of tickets (they are free!) will be
available at the Museum ONLY the week of the event ONLY ONLY ONLY.
Lab coats or other appropriate attire are mandatory.
SCIENCE DISCOVERY MUSEUM, Acton MA Feb. 7, 1995, 3:30-4:30
A hyperinteractive presentation for kids and other scientists.
Info:617-264-4200
MENSA OF CENTRAL NJ Sat., Mar 4, 1995, 7:30
Sheraton, Woodbridge, NJ
Info: 908-297-5492 matray@watson.bms.com
INTERSOCIETY POLYMER SOCIETY October 10, 1994
Stouffer Harborplace Hotel, Baltimore, MD
The society recommends early reservations. Info: (518) 387-7942
*** If you would like to host an Improbable Research Event
*** at your conference, university, research center, company,
*** hospital, high school, or scenic mountain vacation home,
*** please get in touch with us.
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1994-07-10 Calls for Papers
CALL FOR PAPERS on the topic "Biodiversity in European Royalty."
Reports of your research RESULTS are preferred to speculative
essays.
CALL FOR NOMINATIONS for the 1995 Ig Nobel Prizes. Ig Nobel Prizes
are awarded for achievements that cannot or should not be
reproduced. Nominations may be submitted, anonymously or
otherwise, by e-mail or by standard mail.
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1994-07-11 Purpose of mini-AIR (*)
The mini-Annals of Improbable Research (mini-AIR) publishes news
about improbable research and ideas. Specifically:
A) Haphazardly selected superficial (but advanced!) extracts of
research news and satire from The Annals of Improbable Research.
B) News about the annual Ig Nobel Prize ceremony.
C) News about other science humor activities intentional and
otherwise.
WHAT IS AIR? (An introduction, of sorts)
AIR is a new magazine produced by the entire former editorial
staff (1955-1994) of "The Journal of Irreproducible Results
(JIR)," the world's oldest satirical science journal. The new
magazine's co-founders are Marc Abrahams, who edited JIR from
1990-1994, and Alexander Kohn, who founded JIR in 1955 and was its
editor until 1989. AIR is published by the MIT Museum in
Cambridge, MA. The editorial board consists of more than 40
distinguished scientists from around the world including seven
Nobel Laureates. Each October, AIR and the MIT Museum produce the
Ig Nobel Prize Ceremony, honoring people whose achievements cannot
or should not be reproduced.
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1994-07-12 How to Subscribe to AIR(*)
Stay way ahead of what you need to know:
The Taxonomy of Barney * A Natural History of the Articulated
Lorry * Effectiveness of Chinese Fortune Cookies * A Review of
the Nairobi Telephone Directory * The Aerodynamics of Potato
Chips * The Ig Nobel Prize Ceremony * Scientific Gossip *
Nobel Thoughts (offbeat interviews with Nobel Laureates) *
Elegant Results (reviews of cosmetics ads) * Hot Air
(exhalations from our readers) * X-Rays of the Rich and Famous *
and then some!
The first issue of AIR will appear in December, 1994. Join us as
a subscriber, and as a collaborator!
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1994-07-13 How to Receive to mini-AIR, etc.(*)
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the Clarinet newsgroups.]
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1994-07-13 AIR's Mailing and Internet Addresses
The Annals of Improbable Research (AIR)
The MIT Museum
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Subscriptions: (617) 253-4462 fax:(617)253-8994 mitshop@mit.edu
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1994-07-15 Please make copies! (*)
We urge you to distribute copies of mini-AIR or excerpts from it.
The only limitations are:
A) Please indicate that the material appeared in mini-AIR and is
reprinted with permission.
B) You do NOT have permission to copy or excerpt this document
for commercial purposes.
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(c) copyright 1994, The Annals of Improbable Research
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The mini-Annals of Improbable Research (mini-AIR)
Editor: Marc Abrahams (marca@mit.edu)
Chairman of the Editorial Board: Alexander Kohn
Sports Desk/Tech Support: Chris Small (chris@das.harvard.edu)
WWW Editor/Global Village Idiot: Amy Gorin (ringo@mit.edu)
Associate Editors: Mark Dionne, Stanley Eigen, Jane Patrick
Technical Difficulties: Diego Garcia, Francesca Thurston
Authority Figure: Barbara Linden
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IMPORTANT -- The Annals of Improbable Research is IN NO WAY
associated with the name "The Journal of Irreproducible
Results" or with the publisher of "The Journal of
Irreproducible Results"
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