[4128] in Humor
Re: [Humor] Fwd:Fwd:
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (amittai axelrod {obscured})
Sat Aug 23 19:30:02 2003
Message-Id: <200308232329.TAA28893@buzzword-bingo.mit.edu>
To: phamada@MIT.EDU, humor@MIT.EDU
In-Reply-To: Your message of "Sat, 23 Aug 2003 17:01:59 EDT."
<1061672519.3f47d647c7365@webmail.mit.edu>
Date: Sat, 23 Aug 2003 19:29:35 -0400
From: amittai axelrod {obscured} <amittai@MIT.EDU>
Errors-To: humor-bounces@mit.edu
you know what's not funny?
people who forward emails with craploads of headers, quote markings, and
brutally retarded 40-character lines intact.
clever pun, eh?
~amittai
phamada@MIT.EDU wrote:
|
|
| ----- Forwarded message from Candy Carr <candyc@MIT.EDU> -----
| Date: Fri, 22 Aug 2003 13:49:36 -0400
| From: Candy Carr <candyc@MIT.EDU>
| Reply-To: Candy Carr <candyc@MIT.EDU>
| Subject: Fwd:
| To: frankskis@yahoo.com, JBraarud@D1.uscg.mil, rstarlin@fhe.com,
| phamada@mit.edu
|
|
| >X-Sieve: CMU Sieve 2.2
| >X-Sent: 22 Aug 2003 15:28:47 GMT
| >From: "Cindy McDonough" <mom8894@peoplepc.com>
| >To: <Undisclosed-Recipient:@MIT.EDU;>
| >Date: Fri, 22 Aug 2003 11:28:44 -0400
| >X-Mailer: Microsoft Outlook Express 6.00.2800.1106
| >X-Spam-Score: 3.1
| >X-Spam-Level: *** (3.1)
| >X-Spam-Flag: NO
| >X-Scanned-By: MIMEDefang 2.28 (www . roaringpenguin . com / mimedefang)
| >
| > >HOW TO POOP AT WORK
| > > >
| > > >We've all been there but don't like to admit
| > > it. We've all kicked back in
| > > >our cubicles and suddenly felt something
| > > brewing down below.
| > > >As much as we try to convince ourselves
| > > otherwise, the WORKPOOP is
| > > >inevitable. For those who hate pooping at
| > > work, following is the Survival
| > > >Guide for taking a dump at work.
| > > >
| > > >
| > > >
| > > >CROP DUSTING
| > > >
| > > >When farting, you walk briskly around the
| > > office so the smell is not in
| > > >your
| > > >area and everyone else gets a whiff but
| > > doesn't know where it came from. Be
| > > >careful when you do this. Do not stop until
| > > the full fart has been
| > > >expelled.
| > > >Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell
| > > has left your pants.
| > > >
| > > >FLY BY
| > > >
| > > >The act of scouting out a bathroom before
| > > pooping. Walk in and check
| > > >for other poopers. If there are others in the
| > > bathroom, leave and come back
| > > >again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT
| > > FLYER. People may become
| > > >suspicious if they catch you constantly going
| > > into the bathroom.
| > > >
| > > >
| > > >
| > > >ESCAPEE
| > > >
| > > >A fart that slips out while taking a leak at
| > > the urinal or forcing a poop
| > > >in
| > > >a stall. This is usually accompanied by a
| > > sudden wave of embarrassment. If
| > > >you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it.
| > > Pretend it did not happen.
| > > >If you are standing next to the farter in the
| > > urinal, pretend you did not
| > > >hear it. No one likes an escapee. It is
| > > uncomfortable for all involved
| > > >Making a joke or laughing makes both parties
| > > feel uneasy.
| > > >
| > > >
| > > >
| > > >JAILBREAK
| > > >
| > > >When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at
| > > a machine gun pace. This is
| > > >usually a side effect of diarrhea or a
| > > hangover. If this should happen, do
| > > >not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone
| > > has left the bathroom to
| > > >spare
| > > >everyone the awkwardness of what just
| > > occurred.
| > > >
| > > >
| > > >
| > > >COURTESY FLUSH
| > > >
| > > >The act of flushing the toilet the instant the
| > > poop hits the water. This
| > > >reduces the amount of air time the poop has to
| > > stink up the bathroom. This
| > > >can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK
| > > OF SHAME.
| > > >
| > > >
| > > >
| > > >WALK OF SHAME
| > > >
| > > >Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the
| > > door after you have just stunk
| > > >up the bathroom. This can be a very
| > > uncomfortable moment if someone walks
| > > >in
| > > >and busts you. As with farts, it is best to
| > > pretend that the smell does not
| > > >exist. Can be avoided with the use of the
| > > COURTESY FLUSH.
| > > >
| > > >OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER
| > > >
| > > >A colleague who poops at work and is damn
| > > proud of it. You will often see
| > > >an
| > > >Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the bathroom
| > > with a newspaper or magazine
| > > >under his or her arm. Always look around the
| > > office for the Out Of The
| > > >Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom.
| > > >
| > > >
| > > >
| > > >THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (P.F.N)
| > > >
| > > >A group of co-workers who band together to
| > > ensure emergency pooping goes
| > > >off
| > > >without incident. This group can help you to
| > > monitor the whereabouts of Out
| > > >Of The Closet Poopers, and identify SAFE
| > > HAVENS.
| > > >
| > > >
| > > >
| > > >SAFE HAVENS
| > > >
| > > >A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the
| > > building where you can least expect
| > > >visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of
| > > the opposite sex. This will
| > > >reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex
| > > entering the bathroom.
| > > >
| > > >
| > > >
| > > >TURD BURGLAR
| > > >
| > > >Someone who does not realize that you are in
| > > the stall and tries to force
| > > >the door open. This is one of the most
| > > shocking and vulnerable moments that
| > > >can occur when taking a poop at work. If this
| > > occurs, remain in the stall
| > > >until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you
| > > will avoid all uncomfortable
| > > >eye
| > > >contact.
| > > >
| > > >
| > > >
| > > >CAMO-COUGH
| > > >
| > > >A phony cough that alerts all new entrants
| > > into the bathroom that you are
| > > >in
| > > >a stall. This can be used to cover-up a
| > > WATERMELON, or to alert potential
| > > >Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in
| > > conjunction with an ASTAIRE.
| > > >
| > > >
| > > >
| > > >ASTAIRE
| > > >
| > > >A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert
| > > potential Turd Burglars that you are
| > > >occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt
| > > that the stall is occupied.
| > > >If
| > > >you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom
| > > immediately so the pooper can poop
| > > >in peace.
| > > >
| > > >
| > > >
| > > >WATERMELON
| > > >
| > > >A poop that creates a loud splash when hitting
| > > the toilet water. This is
| > > >also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a
| > > Watermelon coming on, create a
| > > >diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.
| > > >
| > > >
| > > >
| > > >HAVANAOMELET
| > > >
| > > >A case of diarrhea that creates a series of
| > > loud splashes in the toilet
| > > >water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try
| > > using a Camo-Cough with an
| > > >Astaire.
| > > >
| > > >
| > > >
| > > >UNCLE TED
| > > >
| > > >A bathroom user who seems to linger around
| > > forever. Could spend extended
| > > >lengths of time in front of the mirror or
| > > sitting on the pot. An Uncle Ted
| > > >makes it difficult to relax while on the
| > > crapper, as you should always wait
| > > >to poop when the bathroom is empty. This
| > > benefits you as well as the
| > > >other bathroom attendees.
| > > >
| > > >
| > > >Mark Stricker
| > > >Account Manager K92FM
| > > >4192 John young Parkway
| > > >Orlando, FL 32804
| > > >D- 321-281-2210
| > > >C- 407-701-1916
| > > >
| > >
| > >
| >_________________________________________________________________
| > > Protect your PC - get McAfee.com VirusScan
| > > Online
| > >
| >http://clinic.mcafee.com/clinic/ibuy/campaign.asp?cid963
| > >
| > >
| >
| >
| >__________________________________
| >Do you Yahoo!?
| >The New Yahoo! Search - Faster. Easier. Bingo.
| >http://search.yahoo.com
|
| Candice A. Carr
| Research Specialist
| Susumu Tonegawa Laboratory
| Massachusetts Institute of Technology
| Building E18-313B
| 40 Ames Street
| Cambridge, MA 01239
| 617-258-9410
| fax 617-253-6269
| candyc@mit.edu
|
|
| ----- End forwarded message -----
|
|
|
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| Humor@mit.edu
| http://mailman.mit.edu/mailman/listinfo/humor
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