[4127] in Humor
[Humor] Fwd: Fwd:
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (phamada@MIT.EDU)
Sat Aug 23 18:58:25 2003
From: phamada@MIT.EDU
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Date: Sat, 23 Aug 2003 17:01:59 -0400
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----- Forwarded message from Candy Carr <candyc@MIT.EDU> -----
Date: Fri, 22 Aug 2003 13:49:36 -0400
From: Candy Carr <candyc@MIT.EDU>
Reply-To: Candy Carr <candyc@MIT.EDU>
Subject: Fwd:
To: frankskis@yahoo.com, JBraarud@D1.uscg.mil, rstarlin@fhe.com,
phamada@mit.edu
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>
> >HOW TO POOP AT WORK
> > >
> > >We've all been there but don't like to admit
> > it. We've all kicked back in
> > >our cubicles and suddenly felt something
> > brewing down below.
> > >As much as we try to convince ourselves
> > otherwise, the WORKPOOP is
> > >inevitable. For those who hate pooping at
> > work, following is the Survival
> > >Guide for taking a dump at work.
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >CROP DUSTING
> > >
> > >When farting, you walk briskly around the
> > office so the smell is not in
> > >your
> > >area and everyone else gets a whiff but
> > doesn't know where it came from. Be
> > >careful when you do this. Do not stop until
> > the full fart has been
> > >expelled.
> > >Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell
> > has left your pants.
> > >
> > >FLY BY
> > >
> > >The act of scouting out a bathroom before
> > pooping. Walk in and check
> > >for other poopers. If there are others in the
> > bathroom, leave and come back
> > >again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT
> > FLYER. People may become
> > >suspicious if they catch you constantly going
> > into the bathroom.
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >ESCAPEE
> > >
> > >A fart that slips out while taking a leak at
> > the urinal or forcing a poop
> > >in
> > >a stall. This is usually accompanied by a
> > sudden wave of embarrassment. If
> > >you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it.
> > Pretend it did not happen.
> > >If you are standing next to the farter in the
> > urinal, pretend you did not
> > >hear it. No one likes an escapee. It is
> > uncomfortable for all involved
> > >Making a joke or laughing makes both parties
> > feel uneasy.
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >JAILBREAK
> > >
> > >When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at
> > a machine gun pace. This is
> > >usually a side effect of diarrhea or a
> > hangover. If this should happen, do
> > >not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone
> > has left the bathroom to
> > >spare
> > >everyone the awkwardness of what just
> > occurred.
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >COURTESY FLUSH
> > >
> > >The act of flushing the toilet the instant the
> > poop hits the water. This
> > >reduces the amount of air time the poop has to
> > stink up the bathroom. This
> > >can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK
> > OF SHAME.
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >WALK OF SHAME
> > >
> > >Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the
> > door after you have just stunk
> > >up the bathroom. This can be a very
> > uncomfortable moment if someone walks
> > >in
> > >and busts you. As with farts, it is best to
> > pretend that the smell does not
> > >exist. Can be avoided with the use of the
> > COURTESY FLUSH.
> > >
> > >OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER
> > >
> > >A colleague who poops at work and is damn
> > proud of it. You will often see
> > >an
> > >Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the bathroom
> > with a newspaper or magazine
> > >under his or her arm. Always look around the
> > office for the Out Of The
> > >Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom.
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (P.F.N)
> > >
> > >A group of co-workers who band together to
> > ensure emergency pooping goes
> > >off
> > >without incident. This group can help you to
> > monitor the whereabouts of Out
> > >Of The Closet Poopers, and identify SAFE
> > HAVENS.
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >SAFE HAVENS
> > >
> > >A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the
> > building where you can least expect
> > >visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of
> > the opposite sex. This will
> > >reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex
> > entering the bathroom.
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >TURD BURGLAR
> > >
> > >Someone who does not realize that you are in
> > the stall and tries to force
> > >the door open. This is one of the most
> > shocking and vulnerable moments that
> > >can occur when taking a poop at work. If this
> > occurs, remain in the stall
> > >until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you
> > will avoid all uncomfortable
> > >eye
> > >contact.
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >CAMO-COUGH
> > >
> > >A phony cough that alerts all new entrants
> > into the bathroom that you are
> > >in
> > >a stall. This can be used to cover-up a
> > WATERMELON, or to alert potential
> > >Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in
> > conjunction with an ASTAIRE.
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >ASTAIRE
> > >
> > >A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert
> > potential Turd Burglars that you are
> > >occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt
> > that the stall is occupied.
> > >If
> > >you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom
> > immediately so the pooper can poop
> > >in peace.
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >WATERMELON
> > >
> > >A poop that creates a loud splash when hitting
> > the toilet water. This is
> > >also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a
> > Watermelon coming on, create a
> > >diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >HAVANAOMELET
> > >
> > >A case of diarrhea that creates a series of
> > loud splashes in the toilet
> > >water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try
> > using a Camo-Cough with an
> > >Astaire.
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >UNCLE TED
> > >
> > >A bathroom user who seems to linger around
> > forever. Could spend extended
> > >lengths of time in front of the mirror or
> > sitting on the pot. An Uncle Ted
> > >makes it difficult to relax while on the
> > crapper, as you should always wait
> > >to poop when the bathroom is empty. This
> > benefits you as well as the
> > >other bathroom attendees.
> > >
> > >
> > >Mark Stricker
> > >Account Manager K92FM
> > >4192 John young Parkway
> > >Orlando, FL 32804
> > >D- 321-281-2210
> > >C- 407-701-1916
> > >
> >
> >
>_________________________________________________________________
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> >
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> >
> >
>
>
>__________________________________
>Do you Yahoo!?
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>http://search.yahoo.com
Candice A. Carr
Research Specialist
Susumu Tonegawa Laboratory
Massachusetts Institute of Technology
Building E18-313B
40 Ames Street
Cambridge, MA 01239
617-258-9410
fax 617-253-6269
candyc@mit.edu
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