[4129] in Humor
Re: [Humor] Fwd:Fwd:
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (amittai axelrod {obscured})
Sun Aug 24 02:31:26 2003
Message-Id: <200308240631.CAA15628@cathedral-seven.mit.edu>
To: "Andrew Bennett" <abennett@MIT.EDU>, humor@MIT.EDU
In-Reply-To: Your message of "Sat, 23 Aug 2003 20:41:52 EDT."
<001a01c369f9$d98ff7d0$0c00a8c0@trolletdad>
Date: Sun, 24 Aug 2003 02:31:01 -0400
From: amittai axelrod {obscured} <amittai@MIT.EDU>
Errors-To: humor-bounces@mit.edu
"Andrew Bennett" wrote:
| The only thing worse is inappropriate postings to a list. For example, a
| rant posted to a humor list.
| -Drew
puns r fun 2!!!
~amittai
| ----- Original Message -----
| From: "amittai axelrod {obscured}" <amittai@MIT.EDU>
| To: <phamada@mit.edu>; <humor@mit.edu>
| Sent: Saturday, August 23, 2003 7:29 PM
| Subject: Re: [Humor] Fwd:Fwd:
| > you know what's not funny?
| >
| > people who forward emails with craploads of headers, quote markings, and
| > brutally retarded 40-character lines intact.
| >
| > clever pun, eh?
| >
| > ~amittai
| >
| > phamada@MIT.EDU wrote:
| > |
| > |
| > | ----- Forwarded message from Candy Carr <candyc@MIT.EDU> -----
| > | Date: Fri, 22 Aug 2003 13:49:36 -0400
| > | From: Candy Carr <candyc@MIT.EDU>
| > | Reply-To: Candy Carr <candyc@MIT.EDU>
| > | Subject: Fwd:
| > | To: frankskis@yahoo.com, JBraarud@D1.uscg.mil, rstarlin@fhe.com,
| > | phamada@mit.edu
| > |
| > |
| > | >X-Sieve: CMU Sieve 2.2
| > | >X-Sent: 22 Aug 2003 15:28:47 GMT
| > | >From: "Cindy McDonough" <mom8894@peoplepc.com>
| > | >To: <Undisclosed-Recipient:@MIT.EDU;>
| > | >Date: Fri, 22 Aug 2003 11:28:44 -0400
| > | >X-Mailer: Microsoft Outlook Express 6.00.2800.1106
| > | >X-Spam-Score: 3.1
| > | >X-Spam-Level: *** (3.1)
| > | >X-Spam-Flag: NO
| > | >X-Scanned-By: MIMEDefang 2.28 (www . roaringpenguin . com / mimedefang)
| > | >
| > | > >HOW TO POOP AT WORK
| > | > > >
| > | > > >We've all been there but don't like to admit
| > | > > it. We've all kicked back in
| > | > > >our cubicles and suddenly felt something
| > | > > brewing down below.
| > | > > >As much as we try to convince ourselves
| > | > > otherwise, the WORKPOOP is
| > | > > >inevitable. For those who hate pooping at
| > | > > work, following is the Survival
| > | > > >Guide for taking a dump at work.
| > | > > >
| > | > > >
| > | > > >
| > | > > >CROP DUSTING
| > | > > >
| > | > > >When farting, you walk briskly around the
| > | > > office so the smell is not in
| > | > > >your
| > | > > >area and everyone else gets a whiff but
| > | > > doesn't know where it came from. Be
| > | > > >careful when you do this. Do not stop until
| > | > > the full fart has been
| > | > > >expelled.
| > | > > >Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell
| > | > > has left your pants.
| > | > > >
| > | > > >FLY BY
| > | > > >
| > | > > >The act of scouting out a bathroom before
| > | > > pooping. Walk in and check
| > | > > >for other poopers. If there are others in the
| > | > > bathroom, leave and come back
| > | > > >again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT
| > | > > FLYER. People may become
| > | > > >suspicious if they catch you constantly going
| > | > > into the bathroom.
| > | > > >
| > | > > >
| > | > > >
| > | > > >ESCAPEE
| > | > > >
| > | > > >A fart that slips out while taking a leak at
| > | > > the urinal or forcing a poop
| > | > > >in
| > | > > >a stall. This is usually accompanied by a
| > | > > sudden wave of embarrassment. If
| > | > > >you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it.
| > | > > Pretend it did not happen.
| > | > > >If you are standing next to the farter in the
| > | > > urinal, pretend you did not
| > | > > >hear it. No one likes an escapee. It is
| > | > > uncomfortable for all involved
| > | > > >Making a joke or laughing makes both parties
| > | > > feel uneasy.
| > | > > >
| > | > > >
| > | > > >
| > | > > >JAILBREAK
| > | > > >
| > | > > >When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at
| > | > > a machine gun pace. This is
| > | > > >usually a side effect of diarrhea or a
| > | > > hangover. If this should happen, do
| > | > > >not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone
| > | > > has left the bathroom to
| > | > > >spare
| > | > > >everyone the awkwardness of what just
| > | > > occurred.
| > | > > >
| > | > > >
| > | > > >
| > | > > >COURTESY FLUSH
| > | > > >
| > | > > >The act of flushing the toilet the instant the
| > | > > poop hits the water. This
| > | > > >reduces the amount of air time the poop has to
| > | > > stink up the bathroom. This
| > | > > >can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK
| > | > > OF SHAME.
| > | > > >
| > | > > >
| > | > > >
| > | > > >WALK OF SHAME
| > | > > >
| > | > > >Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the
| > | > > door after you have just stunk
| > | > > >up the bathroom. This can be a very
| > | > > uncomfortable moment if someone walks
| > | > > >in
| > | > > >and busts you. As with farts, it is best to
| > | > > pretend that the smell does not
| > | > > >exist. Can be avoided with the use of the
| > | > > COURTESY FLUSH.
| > | > > >
| > | > > >OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER
| > | > > >
| > | > > >A colleague who poops at work and is damn
| > | > > proud of it. You will often see
| > | > > >an
| > | > > >Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the bathroom
| > | > > with a newspaper or magazine
| > | > > >under his or her arm. Always look around the
| > | > > office for the Out Of The
| > | > > >Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom.
| > | > > >
| > | > > >
| > | > > >
| > | > > >THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (P.F.N)
| > | > > >
| > | > > >A group of co-workers who band together to
| > | > > ensure emergency pooping goes
| > | > > >off
| > | > > >without incident. This group can help you to
| > | > > monitor the whereabouts of Out
| > | > > >Of The Closet Poopers, and identify SAFE
| > | > > HAVENS.
| > | > > >
| > | > > >
| > | > > >
| > | > > >SAFE HAVENS
| > | > > >
| > | > > >A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the
| > | > > building where you can least expect
| > | > > >visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of
| > | > > the opposite sex. This will
| > | > > >reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex
| > | > > entering the bathroom.
| > | > > >
| > | > > >
| > | > > >
| > | > > >TURD BURGLAR
| > | > > >
| > | > > >Someone who does not realize that you are in
| > | > > the stall and tries to force
| > | > > >the door open. This is one of the most
| > | > > shocking and vulnerable moments that
| > | > > >can occur when taking a poop at work. If this
| > | > > occurs, remain in the stall
| > | > > >until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you
| > | > > will avoid all uncomfortable
| > | > > >eye
| > | > > >contact.
| > | > > >
| > | > > >
| > | > > >
| > | > > >CAMO-COUGH
| > | > > >
| > | > > >A phony cough that alerts all new entrants
| > | > > into the bathroom that you are
| > | > > >in
| > | > > >a stall. This can be used to cover-up a
| > | > > WATERMELON, or to alert potential
| > | > > >Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in
| > | > > conjunction with an ASTAIRE.
| > | > > >
| > | > > >
| > | > > >
| > | > > >ASTAIRE
| > | > > >
| > | > > >A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert
| > | > > potential Turd Burglars that you are
| > | > > >occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt
| > | > > that the stall is occupied.
| > | > > >If
| > | > > >you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom
| > | > > immediately so the pooper can poop
| > | > > >in peace.
| > | > > >
| > | > > >
| > | > > >
| > | > > >WATERMELON
| > | > > >
| > | > > >A poop that creates a loud splash when hitting
| > | > > the toilet water. This is
| > | > > >also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a
| > | > > Watermelon coming on, create a
| > | > > >diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.
| > | > > >
| > | > > >
| > | > > >
| > | > > >HAVANAOMELET
| > | > > >
| > | > > >A case of diarrhea that creates a series of
| > | > > loud splashes in the toilet
| > | > > >water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try
| > | > > using a Camo-Cough with an
| > | > > >Astaire.
| > | > > >
| > | > > >
| > | > > >
| > | > > >UNCLE TED
| > | > > >
| > | > > >A bathroom user who seems to linger around
| > | > > forever. Could spend extended
| > | > > >lengths of time in front of the mirror or
| > | > > sitting on the pot. An Uncle Ted
| > | > > >makes it difficult to relax while on the
| > | > > crapper, as you should always wait
| > | > > >to poop when the bathroom is empty. This
| > | > > benefits you as well as the
| > | > > >other bathroom attendees.
| > | > > >
| > | > > >
| > | > > >Mark Stricker
| > | > > >Account Manager K92FM
| > | > > >4192 John young Parkway
| > | > > >Orlando, FL 32804
| > | > > >D- 321-281-2210
| > | > > >C- 407-701-1916
| > | > > >
| > | > >
| > | > >
| > | >_________________________________________________________________
| > | > > Protect your PC - get McAfee.com VirusScan
| > | > > Online
| > | > >
| > | >http://clinic.mcafee.com/clinic/ibuy/campaign.asp?cid963
| > | > >
| > | > >
| > | >
| > | >
| > | >__________________________________
| > | >Do you Yahoo!?
| > | >The New Yahoo! Search - Faster. Easier. Bingo.
| > | >http://search.yahoo.com
| > |
| > | Candice A. Carr
| > | Research Specialist
| > | Susumu Tonegawa Laboratory
| > | Massachusetts Institute of Technology
| > | Building E18-313B
| > | 40 Ames Street
| > | Cambridge, MA 01239
| > | 617-258-9410
| > | fax 617-253-6269
| > | candyc@mit.edu
| > |
| > |
| > | ----- End forwarded message -----
| > |
| > |
| > |
| > | _______________________________________________
| > | Humor@mit.edu
| > | http://mailman.mit.edu/mailman/listinfo/humor
| > _______________________________________________
| > Humor@mit.edu
| > http://mailman.mit.edu/mailman/listinfo/humor
| >
|
_______________________________________________
Humor@mit.edu
http://mailman.mit.edu/mailman/listinfo/humor
