[3444] in Humor
Fwd:actually funny! pseudo-darwin award
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (South Of Heaven)
Tue Apr 17 02:03:30 2001
Message-Id: <200104170603.CAA20580@melbourne-city-street.mit.edu>
Date: Tue, 17 Apr 2001 02:06:19 -0400
To: humor@mit.edu
From: South Of Heaven <descentr@MIT.EDU>
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Possibly the funniest story in a long while. This is a bricklayer's
accident
report, which was printed in the newsletter of the Australian equivalent of
the
Workers' Compensation board. This is a true story.
Had this guy died, he'd have received a Darwin Award for sure....
Dear Sir "I am writing in response to your request for additional
information
in Block 3 of the accident report form. I put "poor planning" as the
cause
of my accident. You asked for a fuller explanation and I trust the
following
details will be sufficient. I am a bricklayer by trade. On the
day
of the
accident, I was working alone on the roof of a new six storey
building.
When I completed my work, I found that I had some bricks left over
which,
when weighed later were found to be slightly in excess of 500
lbs.
Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower
them
in a barrel by using a pulley, which was attached to the side of the
building
on the sixth floor. Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to
the roof,
swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went
down and
untied the rope, holding it tightly to ensure a slow descent of
the
bricks.
You will note in Block 11 of the accident report form that I
weigh 135lbs.
Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I
lost my
presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to
say, I
proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building. In the
vicinity of
the third floor, I met the barrel which was now proceeding
downward at
an equal,
impressive speed. This explained the fractured skull, minor abrasions
and
the broken collar bone,as listed in section 3 of the accident report form.
Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not
stopping until the
fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley.
Fortunately
by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was able to
hold
tightly to the rope, in spite of beginning to experience (pain). At
approximately
the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground and
the bottom fell
out of the barrel. Now devoid of the weight of the bricks, that
barrel weighed
approximately 50 lbs. I refer you again to my
weight.
As you can imagine, I began a rapid descent, down the side of the
building.
In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up. This
accounts for the two fractured ankles, broken tooth and several
lacerations
of my legs and lower body. Here my luck began to change slightly.
The
encounter with the barrel seemed to slow me enough to lessen my
injuries
when I fell into the pile of bricks and fortunately only three vertebrae
were cracked.
I am sorry to report, however, as I lay there on the pile of bricks,
in pain,
unable to move, I again lost my composure and presence of mind and let
go of
the rope and I lay there watching the empty barrel begin its journey
back
down onto me. This explains the two broken legs.
I hope this answers your inquiry."
