[3437] in Humor
HUMOR: Virus Warning :-)
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Jonathan Reed)
Tue Apr 10 14:53:52 2001
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Date: Tue, 10 Apr 2001 14:53:36 -0400
To: humor@mit.edu
From: Jonathan Reed <jdreed@MIT.EDU>
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This is a good one IMHO.
The following is dedicated to anyone who has ever been pissed off by
those false virus warning messages:
>Just giving you fair warning. If you receive an email entitled "Bad
>times," delete it immediately. Do not open it.
>Apparently this one is pretty nasty.
>
>-It will not only erase everything on your hard drive, but it will also
>delete anything on disks within 20 feet of your computer.
>-It demagnetizes the stripes on ALL of your credit cards.
>-It reprograms your ATM access code, screws up the tracking on your VCR
>and uses
>subspace field harmonics to scratch any CD's you attempt to play.
>-It will program your phone auto dial to call only your mother-in-law's
>number.
>-This virus will mix anti-freeze into your fish tank.
>-It will drink all your beer.
>-It will leave dirty socks on the coffee table when you are expecting
>company.
>-It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair with Rogaine, all
>the while dating your current boy/girlfriend
>behind your back and billing their hotel rendezvous to your Visa card.
>-It will cause you to run with scissors and throw things in a way that
>is only fun until someone loses an eye.
>-It will rewrite your backup files, changing all your active verbs to
>passive tense and incorporating undetectable
>misspellings, which grossly change the interpretations of key sentences.
>
>-If the "Bad times" message is opened in a Windows 95/98 environment, it
>will leave the toilet seat up and leave
>your hair dryer plugged in dangerously close to a full bathtub.
>-It will not only remove the forbidden tags from your mattresses and
>pillows, it will also refill your whole milk with skim milk.
>
>**WARN AS MANY PEOPLE AS YOU CAN. **
>
>And if you don't send this to 5000 people in 20 seconds you'll fart
>uncontrollably the next time you're making love.
--
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jonathan Reed '02
jdreed@mit.edu
East Campus, Wood 515
3 Ames Street Box 12
Cambridge, MA 02142
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
