[3409] in Humor
Adults claim that kids say the darndest things. (fwd)
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Yevgeniya A. Nusinovich)
Thu Mar 1 21:21:51 2001
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To: humor@MIT.EDU
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Date: Thu, 01 Mar 2001 21:21:22 -0500
From: "Yevgeniya A. Nusinovich" <ynusi@MIT.EDU>
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WHILE taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was
interrupted by a little girl about six years old. Looking up and down
at my uniform, she asked, "Are you a cop?"
"Yes," I answered, and continued writing the report.
"My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is
that right?"
"Yes, that's right," I told her.
" Well, then," she said as she extended her foot toward me, "would
you please tie my shoe?"
=====
IT WAS the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the
station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking,
and I saw a little boy staring in at me. "Is that a dog you got back
there?" he asked.
"It sure is," I replied.
Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van.
Finally he said, "What'd he do?"
=====
WHILE working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly
shut-ins, I used to take my four-year-old daughter on my afternoon
rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old
age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found
her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced
myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and
whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!"
=====
A LITTLE girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw
her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that
suit." "And why not, darling?" "You know that it always gives you a
headache next morning."
=====
WHILE walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister
heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt.
Apparently his five-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead
robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured
a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the
disposal of the deceased. The minister's son was chosen to say the
appropriate prayers, and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of
what he thought his father always said. "Glory be unto the Faaaather.
... and unto the Sonnnn ... and into the hole you gooooes."
=======
TO CLOSE each day's activities in summer and on holidays in the Magic
Kingdom at Walt Disney World at Lake Buena Vista, Fla., a huge fireworks
display lights up the sky. One night I noticed a small boy about three
years old perched on his father's shoulder. The child sat mesmerized,
aware only of what was exploding in the heavens. When the fireworks were
over, the little boy looked up into the sky again and said, "Thank you,
God."
=====
MY BEST lesson in child psychology came when I saw our five-year-old,
Steven, roughly jerking our toy poodle's leash. Suddenly his fuming
father appeared and asked, "Do you want to tell me how sorry you are?"
"I don't know how much you saw!" Steven stammered.
=====
WHEN my wife quit work to take care of our new baby daughter, countless
hours of peekaboo and other games slowly took their toll. One evening
she smacked her bare toes on the corner of a dresser and grabbing her
foot, sank to the floor. I rushed to her side and asked where it hurt.
She looked at me through tear-filled eyes and managed to moan, "It's
the piggy that ate roast beef."
=====
We had spent the day moving from our farmhouse into our new house in
town. Early the next morning, our 3-year-old ran into our bedroom to
wake us up. I dressed him and told him to play in the yard and to quit
bothering us. About 20 minutes later, he came running back. "Mommy,
Mommy," he exclaimed, "everybody has doorbells -- and they all work."
=====
A LITTLE girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm wasting
my time," she said to her mother. "I can't read, I can't write -- and
they won't let me talk!"
======
ONE day Mother sent my little brother to the post office to mail a
letter. A few minutes later he came back with a suspicious smile on his
face. "What happened?" my mother asked. "I just fooled the people at
the post office. When no one was looking, I dropped the letter into
the box without buying any stamps."
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