[3215] in Humor
Fwd:
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Matthew Schiller)
Wed May 17 10:44:13 2000
Resent-From: matt2002@MIT.EDU
Date: Wed, 17 May 2000 10:36:03 -0400
To: humor@MIT.EDU
From: Matthew Schiller <matt2002@MIT.EDU>
>Resent-Date: Wed, 17 May 2000 09:53:32 -0400 (Eastern Daylight Time)
>Resent-From: fredkg6jl@mediaone.net
>From: "Fred Schiller Jr." <fredkg6jl@mediaone.net>
>To: "Sundae Halsey" <SundaeHalsey@aol.com>,
> "Steven Schiller" <schiller@jps.net>,
> "Steve Pertubal" <rassle@jps.net>,
> "Scott and Sharon Rowley/Andreason" <sersma@msn.com>,
> "Sally J Schiller" <salcatlady@mediaone.net>,
> "Rick Perry" <grickper@pacbell.net>, "Michael" <hrdwyrd@hotmail.com>,
> "Matthew Schiller" <matt2002@MIT.EDU>,
> "James & Kelly Locke" <jklocke@tima.com>,
> "Jack and Linda Riell" <jriell@pantano.theriver.com>,
> "George Moore" <rotoman@usa.com>,
> "Gail and Marshall Schilling" <gsangel@lightspeed.net>,
> "Fred W Schiller Sr." <fschillersr@aol.com>,
> "Eric Scott" <eric@dustbunny.physics.indiana.edu>,
> "Donna M Cody" <cassidy@sierratel.com>,
> "Dennis Rand" <drand395@psnw.com>, "David Daggs"
> <ddaggs@pacbell.net>,
> "Craig Carter" <wb6rmp@mediaone.net>,
> "Chris and Pam" <pammiefarr@worldnet.att.net>,
> "Cathy and Rick" <rwhee97303@aol.com>, "Cathy"
> <cathyv59@hotmail.com>,
> "ArtHSubject: FW: "Instructions"
>Date: Wed, 17 May 2000 06:52:48 -0700
>X-Mailer: Microsoft Outlook IMO, Build 9.0.2416 (9.0.2910.0)
>Importance: Normal
>
>
>-----Original Message-----
>From: Garry Wade [mailto:garrywade@worldnet.att.net]
>Sent: Tuesday, May 16, 2000 9:37 PM
>To: John & Rosy Zingheim
>Subject: "Instructions"
>
>
>Double-Duhhh
>
> In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed
>through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer
>goods.
>
> On a Sears hair dryer: "Do not use while sleeping."
>(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair.)
>
>On a bag of Fritos: "You could be a winner! No purchase necessary.
>Details inside.
> (The shoplifter special.)
>
>On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap."
> (And that would be how...?)
>
> On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost."
> (But it's just a suggestion.)
>
> On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of box): "Do not
>turn upside down."
> (Too Late!)
>
>On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating."
> (As night follows the day...)
>
> On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body."
> (But wouldn't this save even more time?)
>
> On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate
>machinery after taking this medication."
>(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we
>could just get those 5-year-olds with head colds off those forklifts.)
>
> On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
> (One would hope.)
>
> On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use
>only."
> (As opposed to...)
>
> On a Japanese food processor "Not to be used for the other use."
> (I gotta admit, I'm curious.)
>
> On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts."
> (News flash!)
>
> On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open
>packet, eat nuts."
> (Sit in cockpit. Fly plane.)
>
> On a child's Superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not
>enable you to fly."
>(I don't blame the company. I blame parents for this one.)
>
> On a Swedish chain saw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your
>genitals."
> (Was there a chance of this happening somewhere? )
>
