[3213] in Humor
final exam
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (mmrr)
Mon May 15 10:59:00 2000
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Mon, 15 May 2000 10:58:45 EDT
From: mmrr <jsmthng@MIT.EDU>
[Yeah it's old, but it's topical.. :) ]
---
(The Ultimate) FINAL EXAM
Instructions: Read each question carefully. Answer all questions.
Time limit: 2 hours. Begin immediately.
History:
Describe the history of the Papacy from its origins to the
present day, concentrating especially, but not exclusively, on its
social, political, economic, religious and philosophical impact on
Europe, Asia, America and Africa. Be brief, concise and specific.
Medicine:
You have been provided with a razor blade, a piece of gauze,
and a bottle of scotch. Remove your appendix. Do not suture until you
work has been inspected. You have fifteen minutes.
Public Speaking:
2500 riot-crazed aborigines are storming the classroom. Calm
them. You may use any ancient language except Latin or Greek.
Biology:
Create life. Estimate the differences in subsequent human
culture if this form of life had developed 500 million years earlier,
with special attention to its probable effect on the English
Parliamentary System. Prove your thesis.
Music:
Write a piano concerto. Orchestrate and perform it with flute
and drum. You will find a piano under your seat.
Psychology:
Based on your knowledge of their works, evaluate the emotional
stability, degree of adjustment, and repressed frustrations of each of
the following: Alexander of Aphrodisis, Rameses II,
Hammuarabi. Support your evaluation with quotations from each man's
work, making appropriate references. It is not necessary to translate.
Sociology:
Estimate the sociological problems which might accompany the
end of the world. Construct an experiment to test your theory.
Engineering:
The disassembled parts of a high-powered rifle have been
placed on your desk. You will also find an instruction manual, printed
in Swahili. In 10 minutes, a hungry bengal tiger will be admitted to
the room. Take whatever action you feel necessary. Be prepared to
justify your decision.
Economics:
Develop a realistic plan for refinancing the national debt.
Trace the possible effects of your plan in the following areas:
Cubism, the Donatist Controversy and the Wave Theory of Light.
Outline a method for preventing these effects. Criticize this method
from all possible points of view. Point out the deficiencies in your
point of view, as demonstrated in your answer to the last question.
Political Science:
There is a red telephone on the desk beside you. Start World
War III. Report at length on its socio-political effects if any.
Epistemology:
Take a position for or against truth. Prove the validity of
your stand.
Physics:
Explain the nature of matter. Include in your answer an
evaluation of the impact of the development of mathematics on science.
Philosophy:
Sketch the development of human thought. Estimate its
significance. Compare with the development of any other kind of
thought.
General Knowledge:
Describe in detail. Be objective and specific.
