[3155] in Humor
HUMOR: Early Retirement Incentives
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Sharalee M. Field)
Thu Mar 30 13:21:15 2000
Date: Thu, 30 Mar 2000 13:04:28 -0500
To: humor@MIT.EDU, mowu@MIT.EDU, "MEGallagh@aol.com" <MEGallagh@aol.com>,
jbran18610@aol.com, dunbar@MIT.EDU, dahv@MIT.EDU, immer@MIT.EDU,
jack.gingras@ae.ge.com, tlawlor@palmerdodge.com,
paul.n.leblanc@ae.ge.com, lindamarc@juno.com, bmendell@mediaone.net,
nkahn@gph.com, GDeVoe@rimco.com, cjwells@fas.harvard.edu,
leite@fas.harvard.edu, wthtx@aol.com
From: "Sharalee M. Field" <sharalee_field@harvard.edu>
>From: "Joke of the Day" <Joker@joker.org>
>To: joker@joker.org
>Subject: RETIREMENT PLAN - Joke of the Day
>Date: Wed, 29 Mar 2000 21:16:49 -0800
>
>
>
> The Original Joke of the Day http://www.joker.org
>
> *********************************************************************
>
> RETIREMENT PLAN
> _________________
> As a result of automation as well as declining workload,
> Management must of necessity take steps to reduce our work
> force. A reduction in force plan has been developed which
> appears the most equitable under the circumstances.
>
> Under the plan, older employees, will be placed on early
> retirement, thus permitting the retention of employees who
> represent the future of the company.
>
> Therefore, a program to phase out older personnel by the end of
> the current fiscal year via early retirement will be placed into
> effect immediately. The program shall be known as RAPE (Retire
> Aged Personnel Early).
>
> Employees who are RAPED will be given an opportunity to seek
> other jobs within the company, provided that while they are being
> RAPED they request a review of their employment status before actual
> retirement takes place. This phase of the operation is called
> SCREW (Survey of Capabilities of Retired Early Workers).
>
> All employees who have been RAPED and SCREWED may also apply for
> a final review. This will be known as SHAFT (Study by Higher
> Authority Following Termination).
>
> Program policy dictates that employees may be RAPED once and
> SCREWED twice, but may get the SHAFT as many times as the company
> deems appropriate.
>
> ***********************************************************************
>
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sharalee M. Field, Planning Analyst
Faculty of Arts and Sciences Planning Office
Harvard University
Ph: 617.495.8257 Fax: 617.495.7881
