[3115] in Humor
Fwd: Fw: Fw: all good last one the best
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Matthew Schiller)
Tue Feb 29 22:58:42 2000
Resent-From: matt2002@MIT.EDU
Date: Tue, 29 Feb 2000 23:00:55 -0500
To: humor@MIT.EDU
From: Matthew Schiller <matt2002@MIT.EDU>
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>Subject: Fwd: Fw: Fw: all good last one the best
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>Date: Tue, 29 Feb 2000 14:25:12 -0600
>Subject: Fw: Fw: all good last one the best
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>From: Ruth M Dahlberg <ruth.d@juno.com>
>
> > Following are accounts of actual exchanges between airline and
> > >>> control
> > >>> towers from around the world:
> > >>>
> > >>> The controller working a busy pattern told the 727 on downwind to
> > >>> make a
> > >>> three-sixty (do a complete circle, usually to provide spacing
> > >>> between
> > >>> aircraft). The pilot of the 727 complained, "Do you know it costs
>
> > >>> us two
> > >>> thousand dollars to make a three-sixty in this airplane"? Without
> > >>> missing a
> > >>> beat the controller replied, "Roger, give me four thousand
> > >>> dollars'worth!"
> > >>>
> > >>> * * *
> > >>>
> > >>> PSA was following United, taxiing out for departure. PSA called
>the
> > >>> tower
> > >>> and said, "Tower, this is United 586, we've got a little problem,
>so
> > >>> go
> > >>> ahead and let PSA go first." The tower promptly cleared PSA for
> > >>> takeoff
> > >>> before United had a chance to object to the impersonation.
> > >>>
> > >>> * * *
> > >>>
> > >>> A DC-10 had an exceedingly long roll out after landing with his
> > >>> approach
> > >>> speed just a little too high. San Jose Tower: "American 751 heavy,
> > >>> turn
> > >>> right at the end, if able. If not able, take the Guadeloupe exit
> > >>> off of
> > >>> Highway 101 and return to the airport."
> > >>>
> > >>> * * *
> > >>>
> > >>> It was a really nice day, right about dusk, and a Piper Malibu was
> > >>> being
> > >>> vectored into a long line of airliners in order to land at Kansas
> > >>> City. KC
> > >>> Approach: "Malibu three-two-Charlie, you're following a 727, one
> > >>> o'clock and
> > >>> three miles." Three-two-Charlie: "We've got him. We'll follow
> > >>> him." KC
> > >>> Approach: "Delta 105, your traffic to follow is a Malibu, eleven
> > >>> o'clock and
> > >>> three miles. Do you have that traffic?" Delta 105 (long pause and
>
> > >>> then in
> > >>> a thick southern drawl): "Well...I've got something down there.
> > >>> Can't
> > >>> quite tell if it's a Malibu or a Chevelle, though."
> > >>>
> > >>> * * *
> > >>>
> > >>> Unknown Aircraft: "I'm BLEEP--g bored!"
> > >>> Air Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify
>yourself
> > >>> immediately!!"
> > >>> Unknown Aircraft: "I said I was BLEEP--g bored, not BLEEP--g
> > >>> stupid."
> > >>>
> > >>> * * *
> > >>>
> > >>> Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on
> > >>> 124.7."
> > >>> Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure...by the
> > >>> way, as we
> > >>> lifted off, we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the
> > >>> runway."
> > >>> Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on
> > >>> 124.7,
> > >>> did you copy the report from Eastern?" Continental 635:
> > >>> "Continental 635,
> > >>> cleared for takeoff and yes, we copied Eastern, and we've already
> > >>> notified
> > >>> our caterers."
> > >>>
> > >>> * * *
> > >>>
> > >>> O'Hare Approach Control: "United 329, traffic is a Fokker, one
> > >>> o'clock, 3
> > >>> miles, eastbound." United 329: "Approach, I've always wanted to
>say
> > >>> this...I've got that Fokker in sight."
> > >>>
> > >>> * * *
> > >>>
> > >>> The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are a
>short-tempered
> > >>> lot.
> > >>> They not only expect one to know one's gate parking location but
>how
> > >>> to get
> > >>> there without any assistance from them. So it was with some
> > >>> amusement that
> > >>> we (a PanAm 747) listened to the following exchange between
> > >>> Frankfurt ground
> > >>> control and a British Airways 747 (call sign "Speedbird 206") after
>
> > >>> landing:
> > >>> Speedbird 206: "Good morning Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of the
> > >>> active
> > >>> runway." Ground: "Guten morgen! You vill taxi to your gate!" The
>
> > >>> British
> > >>> Airways 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and stopped. Ground:
> > >>> "Speedbird,
> > >>> do you not know vare you are going?" Speedbird 206: "Stand by,
> > >>> ground, I'm
> > >>> looking up the gate location now." Ground (with impatience:)
> > >>> "Speedbird
> > >>> 206, haff you never flown to Frankfurt before?" Speedbird 206
> > >>> (coolly):
> > >>> "Yes, in 1944. But I didn't stop."
> > >
> > >
> >
> >
