[3089] in Humor
Pipe Specifications
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Martha H Greenberg)
Thu Feb 3 13:14:50 2000
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Thu, 03 Feb 2000 13:14:24 -0500
From: Martha H Greenberg <marthag@MIT.EDU>
1. All pipe is to be made of a long hole, surrounded by metal or plastic
centered around the hole.
2. All pipe is to be hollow throughout the entire length, do not use holes
of different length than the pipe.
3. The ID (inside diameter) of all pipe must not exceed the OD (outside
diameter) otherwise the hole will be on the outside.
4. All pipe is to be supplied with nothing in the hole, so that water,
steam or other stuff can be put inside at a later date.
5. All pipe should be supplied without rust; this can be more readily
applied at the job site. Note: Some vendors are now able to supply
pre-rusted pipes. If available in your area, this product is a recommended
thing, as it will save a great deal of time at the job site.
6. All pipe over 500 ft. (150m) in length should have the words "LONG PIPE"
clearly painted on each side at the end, so the contractor will know it is
a long pipe.
7. Pipe over 2 miles (3.2 km) in length must also have the words "LONG
PIPE" painted in the middle so the contractor will not have to walk the
entire length of the pipe to determine whether or not it is a long pipe or
a short pipe.
8. All pipe over 6 ft. (1.83m) in diameter must have the words "LARGE PIPE"
painted on it, so the contractor will not mistake it for a small pipe.
9. Flanges must be used on all pipe. Flanges must have holes for bolts,
quite separate from the big hole in the middle.
10. When ordering 90 degree or 30 degree elbows, be sure to specify
left-handed or right-handed, otherwise you will end up going the wrong way.
11. Be sure to specify to your vendor whether you want level, uphill or
downhill pipe. If you use downhill pipes for going uphill, the water will
flow the wrong way.
12. All couplings should have either right-hand or left-hand threads, but
do not mix the threads. Otherwise, as the coupling is being screwed on one
pipe, it is being unscrewed from the other.
13. All pipes shorter than 1/8" (3 mm) are very uneconomical in use,
requiring many joints. They are generally known as washers.
14. Joints in pipes for piping water must be watertight. Those pipes for
compressed air, however, need only be airtight.
15. Lengths of pipes may be welded or soldered together. This method is not
recommended for concrete or terra cotta pipes, however.
16. Other commodities are often confused with pipes. These include:
Conduit, Tube, Tunnel and Drain. Use only genuine pipes.
17. Scottish regiments in the Army use Army Pipes in unusual ways. These
are not approved of in engineering circles.
