[2916] in Humor
Fwd: FW: Engineers
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Mikhail Khusid)
Tue Aug 31 10:06:25 1999
From: "Mikhail Khusid" <Mikhail_Khusid@notes.teradyne.com>
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Tue, 31 Aug 1999 10:04:30 -0400
I've seen some of these before, but the impact is much better this way....
---------------------- Forwarded by Mary Winholtz/CFC on 08/30/99 05:01 PM
---------------------------
> > >> Comprehending Engineers - Take One
> > >> *****************************
> > >>
> > >> Two engineering students were walking across campus
> > >> when one said, "Where
> > >> did you get such a great bike?"
> > >>
> > >> The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking
> > >> along yesterday minding my
> > >> own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this
> > >> bike. She threw the bike
> > >> to the ground, took off all her clothes and said,
> > >> "Take what you want."
> > >>
> > >> "The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good
> > >> choice; the clothes probably
> > >> wouldn't have fit."
> > >>
> > >>
> > >> Comprehending Engineers - Take Two
> > >> *****************************
> > >>
> > >> To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the
> > >> pessimist, the glass is half
> > >> empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big
> > >> as it needs to be.
> > >>
> > >> Comprehending Engineers --Take Three
> > >> ********************************
> > >>
> > >> A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one
> > >> morning for a
> > >> particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer
> > >> fumed, "What's with these
> > >> guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!"
> > >> The doctor chimed in, "I
> > >> don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!
> > >> "The pastor said, "Hey, here
> > >> comes the greenskeeper. Let's have a word with
> > >> him." [dramatic pause]
> > >>
> > >> "Hi George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us?
> > >> They're rather slow,
> > >> aren't they?"
> > >>
> > >> The greenskeeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group
> > >> of blind firefighters.
> > >> They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a
> > >> fire last year, so we
> > >> always let them play for free anytime."
> > >>
> > >> The group was silent for a moment.
> > >>
> > >> The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say
> > >> a special prayer for
> > >> them tonight. The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm
> > >> going to contact my
> > >> ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he
> > >> can do for them." The
> > >> engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"
> > >>
> > >> Comprehending Engineers-Take Four
> > >> ********************************
> > >>
> > >> There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift
> > >> for fixing all things
> > >> mechanical. After serving his company loyally for
> > >> over 30 years, he happily
> > >> retired. Several years later the company contacted
> > >> him regarding a seemingly
> > >> impossible problem they were having with one of
> > >> their multimillion dollar
> > >> machines.
> > >>
> > >> They had tried everything and everyone else to get
> > >> the machine to work but to
> > >> no avail. In desperation, they called on the retired
> > >> engineer who had solved
> > >> so many of their problems in the past.
> > >>
> > >>
> > >> The engineer reluctantly took the challenge. He
> > >> spent a day studying the
> > >> huge machine. At the end of the day, he marked a
> > >> small "x" in chalk on a
> > >> particular component of the machine and stated,
> > >> "This is where your problem
> > >> is".
> > >>
> > >> The part was replaced and the machine worked
> > >> perfectly again.
> > >>
> > >> The company received a bill for $50,000 from the
> > >> engineer for his service.
> > >> They demanded an itemized accounting of his charges.
> > >>
> > >> The engineer responded briefly:
> > >>
> > >> One chalk mark $1
> > >>
> > >> Knowing where to put it $49,999
> > >>
> > >> It was paid in full and the engineer retired again
> > >> in peace.
> > >>
> > >> Comprehending Engineers-Take Five
> > >> ***************************************************
> > >>
> > >> What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers
> > >> and Civil Engineers?
> > >>
> > >> Mechanical Engineers build weapons, Civil Engineers
> > >> build targets.
> > >>
> > >>
> > >> Comprehending Engineers-Take Six
> > >> **************************************************
> > >>
> > >> The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does
> > >> it work?"
> > >>
> > >> The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How
> > >> does it work?"
> > >>
> > >> The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How
> > >> much will it cost?"
> > >>
> > >> The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, "Do
> > >> you want fries with that?"
> > >>
> > >>
> > >> Comprehending Engineers-Take Seven
> > >************************************************************
> > >>
> > >> Three engineering students were gathered together
> > >> discussing the possible
> > >> designers of the human body. One said, "It was a
> > >> mechanical engineer. Just
> > >> look at all the joints."
> > >>
> > >> Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer.
> > >> The nervous system has many
> > >> thousands of electrical connections."
> > >>
> > >> The last said, "Actually it was a civil engineer.
> > >> Who else would run a toxic
> > >> waste pipeline through a recreational area?"
> > >>
> > >>
> > >> Comprehending Engineers-Take Eight
> > >********************************************************
> > >>
> > >>
> > >> "Normal people ... believe that if it ain't broke,
> > >> don't fix it. Engineers
> > >> believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have
> > >> enough features yet."
> > >> ----- Scott Adams, The Dilbert Principle
> > >>
> > >>
> > >> Comprehending Engineers-Take Nine
> > >************************************************************
> > >>
> > >>
> > >> An architect, an artist and an engineer were
> > >> discussing whether it was better
> > >> to spend time with the wife or a mistress.
> > >>
> > >> The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife,
> > >> building a solid foundation
> > >> for an enduring relationship.
> > >>
> > >> The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress,
> > >> because of the passion and
> > >> mystery he found there.
> > >>
> > >> The engineer said, "I like both."
> > >>
> > >> "Both?"
> > >>
> > >> Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress,
> > >> they will each assume
> > >> you are spending time with the other woman, and you
> > >> can go to the lab and get
> > >> some work done."
> > >>
> > >>
> > >> Comprehending Engineers - Take Ten
> > >> *************************************
> > >>
> > >> An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog
> > >> called out to him and
> > >> said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful
> > >> princess".
> > >>
> > >> He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his
> > >> pocket.
> > >>
> > >> The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me
> > >> and turn me back into a
> > >> beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one
> > >> week."
> > >>
> > >> The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled
> > >> at it and returned it to
> > >> the pocket.
> > >>
> > >> The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me
> > >> back into a princess,
> > >> I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want."
> > >>
> > >> Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it
> > >> and put it back into his
> > >> pocket.
> > >>
> > >> Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've
> > >> told you I'm a beautiful
> > >> princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do
> > >> anything you want. Why
> > >> won't you kiss me?"
> > >>
> > >> The engineer said, "Look I'm an engineer. I don't
> > >> have time for a girlfriend,
> > >> but a talking frog, now that's cool."
>
