[261] in Humor
HUMOR: News, but not News of the Weird
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (abennett@MIT.EDU)
Wed May 11 19:52:37 1994
From: abennett@MIT.EDU
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Wed, 11 May 94 16:00:50 EDT
Date: Tue, 10 May 94 16:58:22 PDT
From: ckleinja@Novell.COM (Connie Kleinjans)
From: DavidMellor@nd1.neurondata.com (- David Mellor)
HUMOUR>News, but not News of the Weird
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
According to the Knoxville News-Sentinel, among the inquiries received
by the sheriff's department in Oak Ridge, Tennessee, during the weekend of
the "storm of the century" in March 1993: One caller wanted to know how'd
she know when the power came back on, and another wanted to know how come
his power was off when he had just seen a car go by with its lights on.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
WHAT TO BUY?
Russians have five weeks to exchange no more than 100,000 rubles ($100)
in cash for new bank notes. On Monday, that cash could buy any of the
following:
> 3 pairs of Chinese blue jeans.
> 133 packs of Western cigarettes.
> One decent rug.
> 27 medium-sized watermelons.
> 10 1/2 tanks of gasoline.
> 27 pounds of hard sausage.
> 3 pairs of cheap sneakers.
> 78 Big Macs at McDonald's in Moscow.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
In December, the California First District Court of Appeal ordered
convicted probation violator Alfred Taylor to be resentenced by another
judge after an incident involving his original trial judge, Joseph Carson.
Immediately after receiving his sentence from Carson, Taylor had called
the judge a "b---- ass -----------r," a "kangaroo ass," and a "country ass
b-----d," and Judge Carson had responded, "F--- you, too."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mesa, Arizona, Councilman Jim Stapley, advocating building a larger
airport at nearby Williams Air Force Base, but encountering opposition
from local retired people concerned about the potential noise, told them not
to worry because the airport wouldn't be built for another 20 years and
"most of the people in this room will be dead."
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
LAWN-GONE FLAMINGO BACK AFTER 14,000 MILE JOURNEY
Athens, Ga. -- Dennis McDaniel, a 26-year-old aspiring photographer
admitted to (Gerald) Stalker last weekend that he was the one who swiped
the lawn ornament (a pink plastic flamingo), took it on a 14,000 mile trip
and mailed Stalker pictures of the bird in front of the Grand Canyon, Niagra
Falls and more than a dozen other landmarks.
"I'm glad he had a sense of humor about it," McDaniel said Monday.
Stalker, an Athens newspaper carrier, was mystified in October when he
began receiving the pictures along with letters from the bird, addressed
to "Home Family" and signed "Phil." He insisted he didn't know who was
behind the prank.
McDaniel said he and a friend came up with the joke just before he
left for Oregon, where he was to join his father for a trip across the
country after graduating from photography school.
"It was sort of a graduation trip," he said. "The idea to take Phil
was sort of a last-minute thing." They picked Stalker's flamingo at
random, he said.
Along the way, McDaniel and his father took pictures of Phil in front
of Old Faithful, Mount Rushmore, the U.S. Capitol, the Hollywood sign,
Bourbon Street in New Orleans and the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco.
At the Grand Canyon, they almost lost the bird, the younger McDaniel
said. "We had him set up on the rail, and he just fell over. We caught
him at the last possible moment."
Last week, McDaniel returned from his trip and put Phil vack on its
perch in front of Stalker's home. The bird had a tiny suitcase taped to
its neck. Inside were a map of its travels, toiletries, snacks, a pen and
22 cents.
The prankster said he always intended to return Phil and meet its
owner.
"I really didn't do this for attention," he said. "The one thing I do
regret is if all the attention has inconvenienced Mr. Stalker. I hope
his life can get back to normal now."
