[2535] in Humor
this is kinda late but oh well. it is funny though
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Zhenye)
Thu Nov 5 19:14:06 1998
Date: Thu, 05 Nov 1998 16:05:49 -0500
From: Zhenye <descentr@MIT.EDU>
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Halloween, though lots of frightful fun, can also be full of potential
dangers. Here are some tips to make your kids' All Saints' Eve an All
"Safe" Eve:
1 Pack your child's rectum with razor blades to make him/her less
desirable to would-be molesters.
2 Always trick-or-treat in groups of 400,000.
3 Many troublemakers and dangerous people come out on Halloween night.
To be safe, trick-or-treat in early March.
4 Safety and self-defense go hand in hand. Be sure your child's handgun
has at least a 10-round magazine and is at least .38 caliber to ensure
stopping power.
5 For optimum safety while trick-or-treating, be sure your child does
not encounter fright-master screenwriter Kevin Williamson.
6 Equip your child with special cyanide-filled false tooth for use in
case of capture.
7 Be sure child closes eyes before you drill eyeholes in mask.
8 Beat would-be child murderers at their own game by poisoning your
kids
ahead of time.
9 Dress your child in all-black costume to make him/her virtually
invisible to potentially dangerous motorists.
10 Tell your kids that if they see anything suspicious or
scary-looking--for example, ghosts, goblins or witches--they should run
to the nearest neighbor's house and call the police.
11 Pack child's costume with safety flares.
12 Before sending children off, give their anuses a good dollop of
lube.
This will help prevent their tissue from tearing when they are
sodomized
by maniacs.
13 Do not ring doorbells under any circumstances.
