[2513] in Humor
HUMOR: Pilot humor
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Sharalee M. Field)
Mon Oct 19 09:49:25 1998
Date: Mon, 19 Oct 1998 09:46:37 -0400
To: humor@MIT.EDU, mowu@MIT.EDU, "MEGallagh@aol.com" <MEGallagh@aol.com>,
wheger@wbc-architects.com,
"kris.m.kelly@us.pwcglobal.com" <kris.m.kelly@us.pwcglobal.com>,
jbran18610@aol.com, dunbar@MIT.EDU, dahv@MIT.EDU, mtsai@bqa.com,
immer@MIT.EDU, jack.gingras@ae.ge.com, tlawlor@palmerdodge.com,
nkahn@gph.com, GDeVoe@rimco.com,
"Jean, Marc (GEAE)" <marc.jean@ae.ge.com>, celia_kent@harvard.edu,
Maryellen Fitzgibbon <mfitzgib@fas.harvard.edu>,
cjwells@fas.harvard.edu,
Cheryl Guarino Buccelli <c_buccelli@harvard.edu>,
leite@fas.harvard.edu
From: "Sharalee M. Field" <sharalee_field@harvard.edu>
>Date: Sun, 18 Oct 1998 18:37:50 -0700
>From: Connie Kleinjans <<connie@nanospace.com>
>From: Paul Farley <<pfarley@farleytech.com>
>From: laine@batnet.com (Laine Tammer)
>From: "Jimenez, Frank" <<frankj@wavespan.com>
>
>Here are some actual humorous statements by several airline flight
>crews.
>
>Once on a Southwest flight, the pilot said, "We've reached our cruising
>altitude now, and I'm turning off the seat belt sign. I'm switching to
>autopilot, too, so I can come back there and visit with all of you for
>the rest of the flight."
>
>"Last one off the plane must clean it."
>
>This is an actual joke I heard on Southwest Airlines, just after a very
>hard landing in Salt Lake City; one of the most bone-jarring I've
>experienced. The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That
>was quite a bump and I know what y'all are hinking. I'm here to tell
>you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it
>wasn't the flight attendants fault.....it was the asphalt!"
>
>An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered
>his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which
>required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers
>exited, give a smile, and a "Thanks for flying XYZ airline."
>He said that in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the
>passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment.
>Finally everyone had gotten off except for this little old lady walking
>with a cane. She said, "Sonny, mind if I ask you a question?"
>"Why no Ma'am," said the pilot, "What is it?" The little old lady said,
>"Did we land or were we shot down?"
>
>>From a Southwest Airlines employee.... "Welcome aboard Southwest Flight
>XXX, to YYY. To operate your seatbelt, insert the metal tab into the
>buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seatbelt, and if
>you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in
>public unsupervised. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure,
>oxygen masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the
>mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling
>with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are
>traveling with two small children, decide now which one you love more.
>Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but
>they'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and
>remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Southwest
>Airlines."
>
>Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas, on a
>particularly windy and bumpy day. During the final approach the Captain
>was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the
>Flight Attendant came on the PA and announced, "Ladies and Gentlemen,
>welcome to Amarillo. Please remain in your seats with your seatbelts
>fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the
>gate!"
>
>Another flight Attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We
>ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the
>terminal."
>
>Pilot: November 123 on a very short final, understand I'm cleared to land?
>Tower: Who's talking?
>Pilot: Me.
>
>Radar: Flight 1234, for noise abatement turn right 45 degrees.
>Pilot: Roger, but we are at 35,000 feet, how much noise can we make up here?
>Radar: Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 737?
>
>Radar: CRX 500, are you on a course to SUL?
>Pilot: More or less.
>Radar: So proceed a little bit more to SUL.
>
>Tower: N2234, are you a Cessna?
>Pilot: No, I'm a male Hispanic.
>
>Pilot: Center, this is Cessna 675.
>Radar: Cessna 675, go ahead.
>Pilot: Center, I don't seem to be making much progress here. How is my
>groundspeed?
>Radar: Well, all depends. If you are a hang glider, you are doing very
>well.
>
>Captain (after a rough landing): Ladies and Gentlemen, it's happy hour.
>You just received two landings for the price of one.
>
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