[2514] in Humor
:))
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Irina Margolin)
Thu Oct 22 15:03:59 1998
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Cc: alexx@MIT.EDU
Date: Thu, 22 Oct 1998 15:02:08 EDT
From: Irina Margolin <racha@MIT.EDU>
It's a little long, but in the wake of a ski season seems quite
apporpiate.
____________________________
For the skiers out there, here are sixteen steps to follow in preparation for
this years ski season.
> 16. Visit your local butcher and pay $30 to sit in the walk-in freezer for a
> couple of hours. Afterwards, burn two $50 dollar bills to warm up.
> 15. Soak your gloves and store them in the freezer after every use.
> 14. Fasten a small, wide rubberband around the top half of your head before
> you go to bed each night.
> 13. If you wear glasses, begin wearing them with glue smeared on the lenses.
> 12. Throw a hundred dollar bill away-now.
> 11. Find the nearest ice rink and walk across the ice 20 times in your ski
> boots carrying two pairs of skis, accessory bag and poles. Pretend you are
> looking for your car. Sporadically drop things.
> 10. Place a small but angular pebble in your shoes, line them with crushed
> ice, and then tighten a C-clamp around your toes.
> 9. Buy a new pair of gloves and immediately throw one away.
> 8. Secure one of your ankles to a bed post and ask a friend to run into you
> at high speed.
> 7. Go to McDonald's and insist on paying $6.50 for a hamburger.
> Be sure you are in the longest line.
> 6. Clip a lift ticket to the zipper of your jacket, zip it up, and ride a
> motorcycle fast enough to make the ticket lacerate your face.
> 5. Drive slowly for five hours - anywhere - as long as it's in a snowstorm
> and you're following an 18 wheeler.
> 4. Fill a blender with ice, hit the pulse button and let the spray blast
> your face. Leave the ice on your face until it melts. Let it drip into your
> clothes. Do this in the walk-in cooler if possible.
> 3. Dress up in as many clothes as you can and then proceed to take them off
> because you have to go to the bathroom.
> 2. Slam your thumb in a car door. Don't go see a doctor.
> 1. Repeat all of the above every Saturday and Sunday until it's time
> for the real thing!
>
> Good luck, and have a great season.
