[2455] in Humor
HUMOR: WHY IT'S GREAT TO BE A GUY
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Sharalee M. Field)
Tue Sep 15 09:14:47 1998
Date: Tue, 15 Sep 1998 09:11:39 -0400
To: humor@MIT.EDU, mowu@MIT.EDU, "MEGallagh@aol.com" <MEGallagh@aol.com>,
wheger@wbc-architects.com,
"kris.m.kelly@us.pwcglobal.com" <kris.m.kelly@us.pwcglobal.com>,
jbran18610@aol.com, dunbar@MIT.EDU, dahv@MIT.EDU, mtsai@bqa.com,
immer@MIT.EDU, jack.gingras@ae.ge.com, tlawlor@palmerdodge.com,
nkahn@gph.com, GDeVoe@rimco.com,
"Jean, Marc (GEAE)" <marc.jean@ae.ge.com>, celia_kent@harvard.edu,
Maryellen Fitzgibbon <mfitzgib@fas.harvard.edu>,
cjwells@fas.harvard.edu,
Cheryl Guarino Buccelli <c_buccelli@harvard.edu>,
leite@fas.harvard.edu
From: "Sharalee M. Field" <sharalee_field@harvard.edu>
Or a Pug, for that matter.... :-)
>From: yasha@harari.org
>To: "The DAILY DOSE!" <<dailydose@yasha.thedailydose.com>
>Subject: DAILY DOSE! 9/14/98
>Date: Mon, 14 Sep 1998 22:26:37 -0400
>
>** A WORD FROM TODAY'S SPONSOR **
>
>If you like getting cool free stuff in your mailbox,
>you'll probably like the ZP "Dry Quote of the Week."
>"The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a
>man is when he's a baby." -- Natalie Wood
>More at: http://www.zelepress.com/
>
>**************************
>
>*****DAILY DOSE! A Supplement to tINY tALES!*****
>
>"I was not lying. I said things that later on seemed to be untrue."
> -- Richard Nixon, discussiong Watergate in a 1978 interview.
>
>Wishing upon a shining Starr,
>
>
>Yasha Harari
>yasha@harari.org
>http://harari.org/html/daily_dose_.html
>************************************************************************
>
>WHY IT'S GREAT TO BE A GUY
>
>Phone conversations last 30 seconds
>
>You know useful stuff about tanks and airplanes
>
>A 5 day vacation requires only one suitcase
>
>Bathroom lines are 80% shorter
>
>You can open all your own jars
>
>Old friends don't give you crap if you've lost or gained weight
>
>When clicking thru the channels you don't have to stop on every shot of
>someone crying
>
>You don't have to lug a bag of "necessary" items with you everywhere you
>go
>
>You can go to the bathroom alone
>
>Your last name stays put
>
>You can leave a hotel room bed unmade
>
>You can kill your own food
>
>The garage is all yours
>
>You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness
>
>You see the humor in "Terms of Endearment"
>
>You never have to clean the toilet
>
>You can be showered and ready in 10 minutes
>
>Wedding plans take care of themselves
>
>If someone forgets to invite you to something, they can still be your
>friend
>
>Your underwear costs $7.50 for a pack of 3
>
>None of your co-workers have the power to make you cry
>
>You don't have to shave below your neck
>
>You don't have to curl up next to some big, hairy guy every night
>
>If you're 34 and single, no one notices
>
>Chocolate is just another snack
>
>You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat
>
>Flowers fix everything (or duct tape)
>
>You never have to worry about other's feelings
>
>Three pair of shoes are more than enough
>
>You can say anything and not worry about what people think
>
>You can whip your shirt off on a hot day
>
>Car mechanics tell you the truth
>
>You don't give a flip if someone doesn't notice your new haircut
>
>You can watch a game in silence for hours without your buddy thinking
>"He must be mad at me"
>
>One mood, all the time
>
>You can admire Clint Eastwood without having to starve yourself to look
>like him
>
>Same work........more pay
>
>Gray hair and wrinkles add character
>
>Wedding dress $2000, Tux rental $100 bucks
>
>You don't care if someone is talking behind your back
>
>You don't pass on the dessert and then mooch off someone else's
>
>If you retain water, it is in a canteen
>
>The remote is yours and yours alone
>
>You need not pretend you're "freshening up" when you go to the bathroom
>
>If you don't call your buddy when you said you would, he won't tell your
>friends you've changed
>
>If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you might
>become lifelong buddies
>
>The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected
>
>If something mechanical didn't work, you can bash it with a hammer and
>throw it across the room
>
>New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet
>
>You think the idea of punting that small, ankle-biting dog is funny
>
>
>Source: Daemon Child
>************************************************************************
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Sharalee M. Field University Hall 11
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