[2363] in Humor
fwd
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Yelya)
Tue Jun 30 13:39:32 1998
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Tue, 30 Jun 1998 13:32:51 EDT
From: Yelya <yelya@MIT.EDU>
>
> > The following letters are taken from an actual incident between a London
> > hotel and one of its guests. The Hotel ended up submitting the letters
> > to the London Sunday Times.
> >
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
> -
> >
> > Dear Maid,
> > Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in my
> bathroom
> > since I have brought my own bath-sized Dial. Please remove the six
> > unopened little bars from the shelf under the medicine chest and
> another
> > three in the shower soap dish. They are in my way. Thank you,
> > S. Berman
> >
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
> -
> >
> > Dear Room 635,
> > I am not your regular maid. She will be back tomorrow, Thursday,
> from
> > her day off. I took the 3 hotel soaps out of the shower soap dish as
> you
> > requested. The 6 bars on your shelf I took out of your way and put
> on
> > top of your Kleenex dispenser in case you should change your mind.
> This
> > leaves only the 3 bars I left today which my instructions from the
> > management is to leave 3 soaps daily. I hope this is satisfactory.
> > Kathy, Relief Maid
> >
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
> -
> >
> > Dear Maid - I hope you are my regular maid.
> > Apparently Kathy did not tell you about my note to her concerning
> the
> > little bars of soap. When I got back to my room this evening I found
> > you had added 3 little Camays to the shelf under my medicine
> cabinet.
> > I am going to be here in the hotel for two weeks and have brought my
> > own bath-size Dial, so I won't need those 6 little Camays which are
> on
> > the shelf. They are in my way when shaving, brushing teeth, etc.
> > Please remove them.
> > S. Berman
> >
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
> -
> >
> > Dear Mr. Berman,
> > My day off was last Wed. so the relief maid left 3 hotel soaps which
> we
> > are instructed by the management. I took the 6 soaps which were in
> your
> > way on the shelf and put them in the soap dish where your Dial was.
> > I put the Dial in the medicine cabinet for your convenience. I
> didn't
> > remove the 3 complimentary soaps which are always placed inside the
> > medicine cabinet for all new check-ins and which you did not object
> to
> > when you checked in last Monday. Please let me know if I can of
> further
> > assistance. Your regular maid,
> > Dotty
> >
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
> -
> >
> > Dear Mr. Berman,
> > The assistant manager, Mr. Kensedder, informed me this morning that
> you
> > called him last evening and said you were unhappy with your maid
> service.
> > I have assigned a new girl to your room. I hope you will accept my
> > apologies for any past inconvenience. If you have any future
> complaints
> > please contact me so I can give it my personal attention. Call
> extension
> > 1108 between 8AM and 5PM. Thank you.
> > Elaine Carmen
> > Housekeeper
> >
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
> -
> >
> > Dear Miss Carmen,
> > It is impossible to contact you by phone since I leave the hotel for
> > business at 7:45 AM and don't get back before 5:30 or 6PM. That's
> the
> > reason I called Mr. Kensedder last night. You were already off duty.
> > I only asked Mr. Kensedder if he could do anything about those
> little
> > bars of soap. The new maid you assigned me must have thought I was a
> > new check-in today, since she left another 3 bars of hotel soap in
> my
> > medicine cabinet along with her regular delivery of 3 bars on the
> > bathroom shelf. In just 5 days here I have accumulated 24 little
> bars
> > of soap. Why are you doing this to me?
> > S. Berman
> >
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
> -
> >
> > Dear Mr. Berman,
> > Your maid, Kathy, has been instructed to stop delivering soap to
> your
> > room and remove the extra soaps. If I can be of further assistance,
> > please call extension 1108 between 8AM and 5PM. Thank you,
> > Elaine Carmen,
> > Housekeeper
> >
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
> -
> >
> > Dear Mr. Kensedder,
> > My bath-size Dial is missing. Every bar of soap was taken from my
> room
> > including my own bath-size Dial. I came in late last night and had
> to
> > call the bellhop to bring me 4 little Cashmere Bouquets.
> > S. Berman
> >
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
> -
> >
> > Dear Mr. Berman,
> > I have informed our housekeeper, Elaine Carmen, of your soap
> problem. I
> > cannot understand why there was no soap in your room since our maids
> are
> > instructed to leave 3 bars of soap each time they service a room.
> The
> > situation will be rectified immediately. Please accept my apologies
> for
> > the inconvenience.
> > Martin L. Kensedder
> > Assistant Manager
> >
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
> -
> >
> > Dear Mrs. Carmen,
> > Who the hell left 54 little bars of Camay in my room? I came in last
> > night and found 54 little bars of soap. I don't want 54 little bars
> of
> > Camay. I want my one damn bar of bath-size Dial. Do you realize I
> have
> > 54 bars of soap in here. All I want is my bath size Dial. Please
> give
> > me back my bath-size Dial.
> > S. Berman
> >
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
> -
> >
> > Dear Mr. Berman,
> > You complained of too much soap in your room so I had them moved.
> Then
> > you complained to Mr. Kensedder that all your soap was missing so I
> > personally returned them. The 24 Camays which had been taken and the
> 3
> > Camays you are supposed to receive daily. I don't know anything
> about
> > the 4 Cashmere Bouquets. Obviously your maid, Kathy, did not know I
> had
> > returned your soaps so she also brought 24 Camays plus the 3
> dailyCamays.
> > I don't know where you got the idea this hotel issues bath-size
> Dial.
> > I was able to locate some bath-size Ivory which I left in your room.
> > Elaine Carmen
> > Housekeeper
> >
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------
> > Dear Mrs. Carmen,
> > Just a short note to bring you up-to-date on my latest soap
> inventory.As
> > of today I possess:
> > * On the shelf under medicine cabinet, 18 Camay in 4 stacks of 4 and
> > 1stack of 2.
> > * On the Kleenex dispenser - 11 Camay in 2 stacks of 4 and 1 stack
> of 3.
> > * On the bedroom dresser - 1 stack of 3 Cashmere Bouquet, 1 stack of
> 4
> > hotel-size Ivory, and 8 Camay in 2 stacks of 4.
> > * Inside the medicine cabinet, 14 Camay in 3 stacks of 4 and 1 stack
> of2.
> > * In the shower soap dish, 6 Camay, very moist.
> > * On the northeast corner of tub, 1 Cashmere Bouquet, slightly used.
> > * On the northwest corner of tub, 6 Camays in 2 stacks of 3.
> > Please ask Kathy when she services my room to make sure the stacks
> are
> > neatly piled and dusted. Also, please advise her that stacks of more
> > than 4 have a tendency to tip. May I suggest that my bedroom window
> sill
> > is not in use and will make an excellent spot for future soap
> deliveries.
> > One more item, I have purchased another bar of bath-sized Dial which
> I am
> > keeping in the hotel vault in order to avoid further
> misunderstandings.
> > S. Berman
------- End of Forwarded Message
