[2101] in Humor
HUMOR: Euro-bonics
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (abennett@MIT.EDU)
Mon Jun 9 14:13:04 1997
From: <abennett@MIT.EDU>
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Mon, 09 Jun 1997 14:10:55 EDT
From: Merlyn Liberty <merlyn@swcp.com>
From: Tracy West <west@baranof.com>
From: Matthew Davis
Date: Monday, June 09, 1997 10:48AM
The European Commission have just announced an agreement whereby
English will be the official language of the EU rather than
German, which was the other possiblilty. As part of the
negotiations, Her Majesty's Govt. conceded that English spelling
had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5 year phase in
plan that would be known as "EuroEnglish";--In the first year,
"S" will replace the soft "C". Sertainly, this will make the
sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "C" will be dropped in
favor of the "K". This should klear up konfusion and keyboards
kan have 1 less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm.
In the sekond year, when the troublesome "PH" will be replaced
with the "F". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be
expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are
possible. Government will enkorage the removal of double
letters, which have always been a deterent to akurate speling.
Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent "E" in the
language is disgraseful, and they should go away. By the 4th
yar, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "TH" with
"Z" and "W" with "V". During ze fifz yar, ze unesesary "O" kan
be dropd from vords kontaining "OU" and similar changs vud of
kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters. After zis fifz
yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor
trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand
ech ozer.
ZE DREM VIL FINALI KUM TRU!!!
