[2070] in Humor
HUMOR: Important information for you job-seekers
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (abennett@MIT.EDU)
Thu May 15 15:27:59 1997
From: <abennett@MIT.EDU>
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Thu, 15 May 1997 15:17:30 EDT
Date: Thu, 15 May 1997 15:08:35 -0400 (EDT)
From: LMCCOOPER@aol.com
Whether you are a student looking for that first time or summer job
or a long time veteran looking for a change of pace, this
JOB SEARCH JARGON should help you get on your way. Here's
one interpretation of this secret labor code that appears
in classified ads, cover letters, and resumes: called
"Employer Talk"
COMPETITIVE SALARY:
We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.
SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED:
Some time each night and some time each weekend
SALES POSITION REQUIRING MOTIVATED SELF-STARTER:
We're not going to supply you with leads; there's no base
salary; you'll wait 30 days for your first commission check.
SELF-MOTIVATED:
Management won't answer questions
CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE:
We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up. Well,
a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.
COMPETITIVE ENVIRONMENT:
We have a lot of turnover.
SOME PUBLIC RELATIONS REQUIRED:
If we're in trouble, you'll go on TV and get us out of it..
DUTIES WILL VARY:
Anyone in the office can boss you around.
CAREER-MINDED:
We expect that you will want to flip hamburgers until you are 70.
SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE:
You'll need it to replace three people who just left.
PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST:
You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos.
GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS:
Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they
want you to do.
ABILITY TO HANDLE A HEAVY WORKLOAD:
You whine, you're fired.
FLEXIBLE HOURS:
Work 55 hours; get paid for 37.5.
