[1736] in Humor
HUMOR: The 12 Days...
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Andrew Bennett)
Wed Dec 4 12:44:02 1996
Date: Wed, 4 Dec 1996 12:18:38 -0500
To: humor@MIT.EDU
From: abennett@MIT.EDU (Andrew Bennett)
Date: Wed, 4 Dec 1996 11:14:25 -0500
From: LMCCOOPER@aol.com
The 12 Days of Technology Before Christmas
>
>On the first day of Christmas, technology gave to me:
> A database with a broken b-tree (what the hell is a b-tree anyway?)
>
>On the second day of Christmas, technology gave to me:
> Two transceiver failures (CRC errors? Collisions? What is going on?)
> And a database with a broken b-tree (Rebuild WHAT? It's a
> 10GB database!)
>
>On the third day of Christmas, technology gave to me:
> Three French users (who, of course, think they know everything)
> Two transceiver failures (which are now spewing packets all
> over the net)
> And a database with a broken b-tree (Backup? What backup?)
>
>On the fourth day of Christmas, technology gave to me:
> Four calls for support (playing the same Christmas song over
> and over)
> Three French users (Why do they like to argue so much over
> trivial things?)
> Two transceiver failures (How the hell do I know which ones
> they are?)
> And a database with a broken b-tree (Pointer error? What's a
> pointer error?)
>
>On the fifth day of Christmas, technology gave to me:
> Five golden SCSI contacts (Of course they're better than silver!)
> Four support calls (Ever notice how time stands still when on hold?)
> Three French users (No, we don't have footpedals on PC's. Why
> do you ask?)
> Two transceiver failures (If I knew which ones were bad, I
> would know which ones to fix!)
> And a database with a broken b-tree (Not till next week? Are
> you nuts?!?!)
>
>On the sixth day of Christmas, technology gave to me:
> Six games a-playing (On the production network, of course!)
> Five golden SCSI contacts (What do you mean "not terminated!")
> Four support calls (No, don't transfer me again - do you HEAR? Damn!)
> Three French users (No, you cannot scan in by putting the page
> to the screen...)
> Two transceiver failures (I can't look at the LEDs - they're
> in the ceiling!)
> And a database with a broken b-tree (Norway? That's where this
> was written?)
>
>On the seventh day of Christmas, technology gave to me:
> Seven license failures (Expired? When?)
> Six games a-playing (Please stop tying up the PBX to talk to
> each other!)
> Five golden SCSI contacts (What do you mean I need "wide" SCSI?)
> Four support calls (At least the Muzak is different this time...)
> Three French Users (Well, monsieur, there really isn't an
> "any" key, but...)
> Two transceiver failures (SQE? What is that? If I knew I would
> set it myself!)
> And a database with a broken b-tree (No, I really need to talk
> to Lars - NOW!)
>
>On the eighth day of Christmas, technology gave to me:
> Eight MODEMs dialing (Who bought these? They're a security violation!)
> Seven license failures (How many WEEKS to get a license?)
> Six games a-playing (What do you mean one pixel per packet on
> updates?!?)
> Five golden SCSI contacts (Fast SCSI? It's supposed to be
> fast, isn't it?)
> Four support calls (I already told them that! Don't transfer
> me back - DAMN!)
> Three French users (No, CTL-ALT-DEL is not the proper way to
> end a program)
> Two transceiver failures (What do you mean "babbling transceiver"?)
> And a database with a broken b-tree (Does anyone speak English in
> Oslo?)
>
>On the ninth day of Christmas, technology gave to me:
> Nine lady executives with attitude (She said do WHAT with the
> servers?)
> Eight MODEMs dialing (You've been downloading WHAT?)
> Seven license failures (We sent the P.O. two months ago!)
> Six games a-playing (HOW many people are doing this to the network?)
> Five golden SCSI contacts (What do you mean two have the same ID?)
> Four support calls (No, I am not at the console - I tried that
> already.)
> Three French users (No, only one floppy fits at a time. Why do you
> ask?)
> Two transceiver failures (Spare? What spare?)
> And a database with a broken b-tree (No, I am trying to find
> Lars! L-A-R-S!)
>
>On the tenth day of Christmas, technology gave to me:
> Ten SNMP alerts flashing (What is that Godawful beeping?)
> Nine lady executives with attitude (No, it used to be a mens room.
> Why?)
> Eight MODEMs dialing (What Internet provider? We don't allow
> Internet here!)
> Seven license failures (SPA? Why are they calling us?)
> Six games a-playing (No, you don't need a graphics accelerator
> for Lotus! )
> Five golden SCSI contacts (You mean I need ANOTHER cable?)
> Four support calls (No, I never needed an account number before...)
> Three French users (When the PC sounds like a cat, it's a head crash!)
> Two transceiver failures (Power connection? What power connection?)
> And a database with a broken b-tree (Restore what index pointers?)
>
>On the eleventh day of Christmas, technology gave to me:
> Eleven boards a-frying (What is that terrible smell?)
> Ten SNMP alerts flashing (What's a MIB, anyway? What's an extension?)
> Nine lady executives with attitude (Mauve? Our computer room
> tiles in mauve?)
> Eight MODEMs dialing (What do you mean you let your roommate dial-in?)
> Seven license failures (How many other illegal copies do we have?!?!)
> Six games a-playing (I told you - AFTER HOURS!)
> Five golden SCSI contacts (If I knew what was wrong, I
> wouldn't be calling!)
> Four support calls (Put me on hold again and I will slash your
> credit rating!)
> Three French users (Don't hang your floppies with a magnet again!)
> Two transceiver failures (How should I know if the connector is bad?)
> And a database with a broken b-tree (I already did all of that!)
>
>On the twelfth day of Christmas, technology gave to me:
> Twelve virtual pipe connections (There's only supposed to be two!)
> Eleven boards a-frying (What a surge suppressor supposed to do,
> anyway?)
> Ten SNMP alerts flashing (From a distance, it does kinda look
> like XMas lights.)
> Nine lady executives with attitude (What do you mean aerobics
> before backups?)
> Eight MODEMs dialing (No, we never use them to connect during
> business hours.)
> Seven license failures (We're all going to jail, I just know it.)
> Six games a-playing (No, no - my turn, my turn!)
> Five golden SCSI contacts (Great, just great! Now it won't even boot!)
> Four support calls (I don't have that package! How did I end
> up with you!)
> Three French users (I don't care if it is sexy, no more nude
> screen backgrounds!)
> Two transceiver failures (Maybe we should switch to token ring...)
> And a database with a broken b-tree (No, operator - Oslo,
> Norway. We were just talking and were cut off...)
>
>Security Considerations
>
> Security issues are not discussed in this memo.
>
>Author's Address
>
> Bill Hancock, Ph.D.
> Network-1 Software & Technology, Inc.
> DFW Research Center
> 878 Greenview Dr.
> Grand Prairie, TX 75050
>
> EMail: hancock@network-1.com
> Phone: (214) 606-8200
> Fax: (214) 606-8220
>
>Hancock Informational
>
>Michael McPherson
>Editor & Publisher
>SCCM e-zine
>Social & Charitable Cause Marketing
>
>
=======================================================================
Andrew Bennett MIT Department Ocean Engineering
MIT Room 5-424 77 Massachusetts Ave.
Cambridge, MA 02139 <Standard Disclaimers Apply> Phone: (617) 253-7950
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