[1737] in Humor
HUMOR CLASSIC: Hazardous Materials Information Sheet (fwd)
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Andrew Bennett)
Wed Dec 4 12:45:41 1996
Date: Wed, 4 Dec 1996 12:21:02 -0500
To: humor@MIT.EDU
From: abennett@MIT.EDU (Andrew Bennett)
There's one for men, too. Anyone still got it?
-Drew
From: mkhusid@MIT.EDU (Michael Khusid )
Date: Wed, 04 Dec 1996 11:51:27 -0400 (EDT)
From: "Efim (Fima) Furman" <fima@armory.com>
>MATERIALS SAFETY DATA SHEET
>
>WOMEN -- A CHEMICAL ANALYSIS
>
>ELEMENT: Women
>
>SYMBOL: Wo
>
>DISCOVERER: Adam
>
>ATOMIC MASS: Accepted at 53.6 kg, but known to vary from 40-200 kg
>
>OCCURRENCES: Copious quantities in all urban areas
>
>PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:
> 1. Surface usually covered in painted film.
> 2. Boils at nothing; freezes without known reason.
> 3. Melts if given special treatment.
> 4. Bitter if incorrectly used.
> 5. Found in various states from virgin metal to common ore.
> 6. Yields if pressure applied in correct places.
>
>CHEMICAL PROPERTIES:
> 1. Has great affinity for gold, silver, and a range of precious stones.
> 2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.
> 3. May explode spontaneously without prior warning and for no known
>reason.
> 4. Insoluble in liquids, but activity increases greatly by saturation
>in alcohol.
> 5. Most powerful money reducing agent known to man.
>
>COMMON USES:
> 1. Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars.
> 2. Can be a great aid in relaxation.
> 3. Very effective cleaning agent.
>
>TESTS:
> 1. Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in the natural state.
> 2. Turns green when placed beside a better specimen.
>
>HAZARDS:
> 1. Highly dangerous except in experienced hands.
> 2. Illegal to possess more than one, although several can be
>maintained at different locations as long as specimens do not come into
>direct contact with each other.
>
>
=======================================================================
Andrew Bennett MIT Department Ocean Engineering
MIT Room 5-424 77 Massachusetts Ave.
Cambridge, MA 02139 <Standard Disclaimers Apply> Phone: (617) 253-7950
===== Area 51 ============== Bureau 13 =============== Network 18 =====
