[1664] in Humor
HUMOR: Ways to Seem "Presidential"
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Jason D. Hintersteiner)
Mon Oct 28 01:00:18 1996
Date: Mon, 28 Oct 1996 00:54:05 -0500
To: humor@MIT.EDU, ncgotta@MIT.EDU, sniemczy@MIT.EDU, nygren@MIT.EDU,
mariadf@MIT.EDU
From: "Jason D. Hintersteiner" <jdhinter@MIT.EDU>
>From: Mike Abramson <smabrams@bu.edu>
>From: Alex0918@aol.com
>From: Kelsey, 75534,226
>>>The Top 17 Ways To Seem "Presidential"
>>>
>>>
>>>17> Instead of paying your bills, stamp a big red "VETO" on them.
>>>
>>>16> Be way, way cooler than anyone claiming to be Vice President.
>>>
>>>15> Continuous loop of "Hail to the Chief" on your boom box.
>>>
>>>14> Votes. Try to get more votes than your opponent. Next question?*
>>>
>>>13> When someone catches you in a lie, respond with, "Well, there you
>>> go again..." and finish with a football story.
>>>
>>>12> Close your eyes, spin the globe, point, and send in troops.
>>>
>>>11> During debates, try not to harp on the "cooties" issue.
>>>
>>>10> Sink your wooden teeth into a Big Mac or two, then tell the
>>> manager to bill the Federal Reserve.
>>>
>>> 9> When faced with character assassination, stand tall and laugh
>>> it off. When faced with actual assassination, duck.
>>>
>>> 8> End every statement with, "Viva El Presidente! That's Me!"
>>>
>>> 7> Make the wife and kids run alongside the car wearing trenchcoats
>>> and sunglasses, looking around nervously and speaking into their
>>> watches.
>>>
>>> 6> As Commander-In-Chief, declare war on spouse for stealing the
>>> remote.
>>>
>>> 5> Affix your "Presidential Seal" to anything in a skirt, if you
>>> know what I mean.
>>>
>>> 4> Avoid falling off stages.
>>>
>>> 3> Simply ignore Ross Perot when he tries to jump up and bite you
>>> in the knee.
>>>
>>> 2> Always keep pants in full upright and locked position.
>>>
>>>
>>> and the Number 1 Way To Seem "Presidential"...
>>>
>>>
>>> 1> Lie like there's no tomorrow!!!
__________________________________________________________________
Jason D. Hintersteiner 550 Memorial Drive, Apt. 8b-4
jdhinter@mit.edu Cambridge, MA 02139
http://web.mit.edu/jdhinter/ (617) 225-6593
