[1663] in Humor
HUMOR CLASSIC: What your car says
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Andrew Bennett)
Mon Oct 28 00:06:02 1996
Date: Mon, 28 Oct 1996 00:00:27 -0500
To: humor@MIT.EDU
From: abennett@MIT.EDU (Andrew Bennett)
Date: Sun, 27 Oct 1996 23:41:01 -0500
From: LMCCOOPER@aol.com
Date: 96-10-27 23:38:25 EST
From: LMCCOOPER
The Statements Car Owners Are Really Making
Acura Integra - I have always wanted to own the Buick of sports
cars
Acura Legend - I'm too bland for German cars
Acura NSX - I am impotent
Audi 90 - I enjoy putting out engine fires
Buick Park Avenue - I am older than 34 of the 50 states
Cadillac Eldorado - I am a very good Mary Kay salesman
Cadillac Seville - I am a pimp
Chevrolet Camaro - I enjoy beating the hell out of people
Chevrolet Chevette - I like seeing people's reactions when I tell
them I have a 'Vette
Chevrolet Corvette - I'm in a mid-life crisis
Chevrolet El Camino - I am leading a militia to overthrow the
government
Chrysler Cordoba - I dig the rich Corinthian leather
Datsun 280Z - I have a kilo of cocaine in my wheel well
Dodge Dart - I teach third grade special education and I
voted for Eisenhower
Dodge Daytona - I delivered pizza for four years to get this
car
Ferrari Testarossa - I am known to prematurely ejaculate
Ford Fairmont - (See Dodge Dart)
Ford Mustang - I slow down to 85 in school zones
Ford Crown Victoria - I enjoy having people slow to 55mph and change
lanes when I pull up behind
them
Geo Storm - I will start the 11th grade in the fall.
Geo Tracker - I will start the 12th grade in the fall.
Honda del Sol - I have always said, half a convertible is better
than no convertible at all
Honda Civic - I have just graduated and have no credit
Honda Accord - I lack any originality and am basically a
lemming.
Infiniti Q45 - I am a physician with 17 malpractice suits
pending.
Isuzu Impulse - I do not give a damn about J.D.Power or his
reports
Jaguar XJ6 - I am so rich I will pay 60K for a car that is in
the shop 280 days per year.
Kia Sephia - I learned nothing from the failure of Daihatsu
Corp.
Lamborghini Countach - I only have one testicle
Lincoln Town Car - I live for bingo and covered dish suppers
Mercury Grand Marquis - (See above)
Mercedes 500SL - I will beat you up if you ask me for an
autograph
Mercedes 560SEL - I have a daughter named Bitsy and a son named
Cole
Mazda Miata - I do not fear being decapitated by an eighteen-
wheeler
MGB - I am dating a mechanic
Mitsubishi Diamante - I don't know what it means either
Nissan 300ZX - I have yet to complete my divorce proceedings
Oldsmobile Cutlass - I just stole this car and I'm going to make a
fortune off the parts
Peugeot 505 Diesel - I am on the EPA's Ten Most Wanted List
Plymouth Neon - I sincerely enjoy doing the Macarena
Pontiac Trans AM - I have a switchblade in my sock
Porsche 911 Turbo - I have a three inch thingie
Porsche 944 - I am dating big haired women that otherwise
would be inaccessible to me
Rolls Royce Silver Shadow - I think Pat Buchannon is a tad bit too liberal
Saturn SC2 - (See Honda Civic)
Subaru Legacy - I have always wanted a Japanese car even more
inferior than Isuzu
Toyota Camry - I am still in the closet
Volkswagon Beetle - I still watch Partridge Family reruns
Volkswagon Cabriolet - I am out of the closet
Volkswagon Microbus - I am tripping right now
Volvo 740 Wagon - I am frightened of my wife
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Courtesy of:
'Here Comes Treble'
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request to jp233532@wcupa.edu :::::::
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Andrew Bennett MIT Department Ocean Engineering
MIT Room 5-424 77 Massachusetts Ave.
Cambridge, MA 02139 <Standard Disclaimers Apply> Phone: (617) 253-7950
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