[24363] in APO-L
Re: [APO-L] Toast Song
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Michael Gallagher)
Sun Jun 13 20:55:41 2004
Date: Sun, 13 Jun 2004 20:53:57 -0400
Reply-To: Michael Gallagher <famtree@UDel.Edu>
From: Michael Gallagher <famtree@UDel.Edu>
To: APO-L@LISTSERV.IUPUI.EDU
I see valid arguments on either side of "There are many brothers who like to
say that if prospective pledges and petitioners are turned away from us
because of those two words in the Toast Song, the prospective pledges and
petitioners are not worth having. I disagree." Individual experiences can
turn people away from organizations but there is also the feeling that
broader, more important purposes and issues can be seen such that those
uncomfortable aspects are seen
as minute. I have seen this in my 2 other organizations in which I'm
primarily involved and even APO:
Boy Scouts of America:
My first patrol leader had his Eagle Court of Honor at the Chapel Street
Theatre in Newark, DE, where he did his Eagle project, where his family had
been involved for many years. According to my father's discussions with my
former PL's dad & perhaps mom (his dad was an active Scouter & a great one
during the PL's tenure), at this theatre company were many homosexual
actors, and they had no issues with leaving their son alone with these
homosexuals while he was young. For reference, he was born in 1981.
Therefore, they were not of the group that equated homosexuality with
pedophelia. After BSA v. Dale, the BSA said it does not make such an
equation. The statement was made at that time in the context of a
Frequently Asked Questions on the 2 most controversial BSA policies
published in the magazine for Scouters (scoutingmagazine.org). However,
neither did these parents think that homosexuals are not
"appropriate role models for youth." The key here is that these parents put
aside their difference of opinion for the benefit of the youth and for their
own enjoyment. They are Mormon, & the LDS Church is one of the key
players in keeping the leadership standards as they are, although I don't
know anything about this family's religious involvement. They apparently
even disagree with their religious institution and stay in it for the big
picture. My father disagreed with that policy as well as do other Scouters
I've met, but he remained in the program and the others do. He left while I
was still a youth in the BSA because he didn't like the strictness with
which my troop is run. His own troop was VERY relaxed.
The same can be said of many Roman Catholics, disagreeing on certain issues
as the one above but still belonging.
Sons of the American Revolution:
There are many disagreements among members as I am constantly reminded,
regarding issues associated with the organizations and even ones
specifically addressed by it. The organization, for example, supports a
Constitutional amendment to allow Congress to make laws protecting the US
flag from desecration (leaving the details to the members and their
constituents. In fact, my sponsor is very active on every level: chapter,
state, region, nation, & internationally, yet believes no suvch laws
protecting the flag should be made.
APO itself: We all know that there are things we'd like changed in any
organization with which we deal or involve ourselves. This is why there are
so many changes proposed, even to things some see as fundamental. Like the
preceeding 2 organizations, there are internal disagreements.
In LFS,
Michael Gallagher
----- Original Message -----
From: "Sharon Zohar" <zonuts@GMAIL.COM>
To: <APO-L@LISTSERV.IUPUI.EDU>
Sent: Sunday, June 06, 2004 2:53 PM
Subject: Re: [APO-L] Toast Song
> >> Our chapter is composed of relatively equal numbers of male and
> females, and I have heard no complaints about the toast song from
> anyone in our chapter. There is something to be said for keeping long
> standing traditions.<<
>
> I think that the primary reason for changing "Men of" to some other
> two-syllable gender-neutral equivalent is less about active brothers
> than it is about potential brothers and even potential chapters.
>
> Talk to anyone who has been on staff for a few years, and you'll
> probably hear stories about potential pledges whose interest in the
> fraternity has been turned off by "Men of." I almost lost an entire
> petitioning effort.
>
> I worked with a petitioning group at Yale from 1991 to 1993. After a
> period of initial activity, we had 5 men in the fledgling group, who
> understood what we were about, and who wanted women on the campus to
> become part of the group, and who were working hard at publicizing the
> fraternity to everyone on the campus. After a few weeks of the group
> plateauing at five male members, finally, two women came to a meeting.
> They were active in other service groups on campus, and were lively
> and sparkling. I could tell quickly that these two women could be
> tremendous assets to the group, for recruiting new members and for
> making the group's fellowship stronger and more fun.
>
> This was the meeting where I was introducing the Toast Song. I had
> worked with my section chair to determine how and when to teach the
> group various things, because petitioning is a very different process
> than pledging, and it seemed to be a good time to teach the song.
>
> I gathered everyone into the Fellowship Circle. I thought that
> teaching it in call-and-respond method, where I would sing a line and
> then the group would repeat it, would make the experience more
> personal than everyone holding a song sheet. That meant that the two
> new women had no idea that the song contained the words "Men of"
> before hearing the words.
>
> The two women heard me sing "Men of" and proceeded to drop arms and
> step outside the circle. That was a crisis moment.
>
> If the women walked out the door without hearing what the fraternity
> was really like, what we were (and are) really about, they would
> spread negative information about the fraternity to the service
> community on campus. The petitioning effort could easily have died
> right there. The five men in the group had a look of shock on their
> faces, and they obviously had no idea what to do.
>
> I had to act. Until that moment, I had supported the idea of keeping
> the Toast Song from changing. I did not want to see the rechartering
> effort at Yale die, and suddenly, I understood why changing the Toast
> Song was so important. I asked the women not to leave. I asked them to
> hear me out.
>
> I told them of the unofficial alternate version of the song with the
> words, "True To," and I explained about the history of women in the
> fraternity, and about the awkwardness of the language situation in
> general.
>
> They heard me out. They started nodding as I explained the history,
> and when I asked them to rejoin the circle, and sing the alternate
> version, they did.
>
> Had I not done what I did, the group's survival would have been in
> serious jeopardy. Instead, the group survived and thrived, and
> chartered in April 1993. And the women never had a problem being
> called brothers.
>
> There are many brothers who like to say that if prospective pledges
> and petitioners are turned away from us because of those two words in
> the Toast Song, the prospective pledges and petitioners are not worth
> having. I disagree.
>
> An entire chapter is worth having. Two words are not worth that loss.
> How many other people have we lost? How many potential chapters?
>
> Sharon Zohar
> Alumna of Epsilon Zeta (RPI) 1987
> Semi-retired Sectional Staff
>
> "Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to
> be normal." -- Albert Camus
>
