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Re: [APO-L] Intrachapter dating

daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Michael Gallagher)
Sun Dec 7 23:29:43 2003

Date:         Sun, 7 Dec 2003 23:29:35 -0500
Reply-To: Michael Gallagher <famtree@UDel.Edu>
From: Michael Gallagher <famtree@UDel.Edu>
To: APO-L@LISTSERV.IUPUI.EDU

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The pledge educator in this case is a female NIB under the direction of =
the VPM.  Is there an issue with this in this context?

Michael Gallagher
  ----- Original Message -----=20
  From: Paul Haring=20
  To: APO-L@LISTSERV.IUPUI.EDU=20
  Sent: Sunday, December 07, 2003 10:04 PM
  Subject: Re: [APO-L] Intrachapter dating


  In Omega chapter we have had some recent history with this issue.  In =
fall 2001, the semester just before I pledged there was an incident =
where a Pledge was dating the pledge educator.  The exact details as to =
whether or not they were dating BEFORE he pledged is not easily =
answered.  However, what is is the fact that it caused a huge rift in =
the chapter.  The situation ended when the Educators term came up (we =
re-elect in the winter for two semesters) and they both have been a =
phantom in our chapter ever since.

  =20

  We have a few instances of inter-chapter dating on the active/active =
level and one of those just recently turned to engagement. =20

  =20

  Long story short, our chapter (probably around 120-150 members.  We =
just activated 41 pledges today so I don't know the exact numbers)  does =
not hold an official policy regarding dating.  As a rule of thumb, the =
Pledge educator just does not date a pledge.

  =20

  =20

  =20

  -----Original Message-----
  From: Alpha Phi Omega Discussion List =
[mailto:APO-L@LISTSERV.IUPUI.EDU] On Behalf Of Rachel Kuhn
  Sent: Sunday, December 07, 2003 8:24 PM
  To: APO-L@LISTSERV.IUPUI.EDU
  Subject: Re: [APO-L] Intrachapter dating

  =20

  I pledged a larger chapter where we never really had a problem with =
brothers dating, it was actually rather common (and when you think about =
it, when a coed group of people with common goals and interests spend =
most of their free time together doing things and having fun, =
relationships are bound to happen) .  My chapter also had close to 150 =
members and pledges at any given time, so relationships/breakups have =
never been a problem--they almost always ended on good terms and these =
brothers were able to go about lives in the fraternity happily.  We also =
never had problems with boyfriends/girlfriends of actives pledging, =
since the pledge had a different big/family.  If a new relationship was =
forming it typically waited until after activation.  (People used that =
common sense).  My chapter was also not permitted to be selective by =
university policy so we really couldnt regulate that stuff too much (not =
letting boyfriends or girlfriends of actives pledge, etc--we'd lose all =
our funding if that happened). =20

  =20

  I can definately see where a smaller chapter can have problems caused =
by brothers dating and breaking up.  For example, a chapter has ten =
actve brothers.  Two are dating, get in a fight, and break up.  One of =
the newly single brothers goes on a date with someone else in teh =
chapter.  All of a sudden you have a three way mess, and surely the rest =
of the brothers not directly involved will take sides in a situation =
like this.  That's a recipe for disaster...but you can't really help or =
prevent who people date or fall in love with, so I don't think having a =
policy on chapter relationships is fair/needed.=20

  =20

  Rachel Kuhn

  Section 89 staff

  Buddha Buck <bmbuck@14850.com> wrote:

    Michael Gallagher wrote:
    > Greetings,
    >
    > What policies on intrachapter dating exist? Has there ever been a =
situation
    > when a Brother's/officer's/VPM's fiance(e) has pledged? What has =
been done
    > in these situations.

    My chapter (Epsilon Sigma, University at Buffalo) didn't have an =
oficial
    policy on intrachapter dating while I was there. In fact, there were
    lots of cases of brothers dating brothers. There are a handful of
    intrachapter marriages as well.

    While there was no official policy, for risk-management reasons
    brother/pledge dating and especially big/little dating (during the
    pledge period) was frowned upon because of power/harassment issues. =
If
    the relationship predated the pledge pledging, then it wasn't =
frowned upon.

    In my pledge class, two pledges started dating each other, and
    immediately after the brotherhood ritual, two Brother/NIB =
relationships
    (one big/little) were announced. As I understand it, one of those
    clandestine brother/pledge relationships ended up in a marriage.

    (To make things even weirder, the *other* boyfriend of one of the =
two
    pledges who started dating each other pledged the next semester).

    >
    > I've never been on a date, but I would think that fiance(e)s =
pledging is
    > different from boyfriends & girlfriends pledging .
    >
    > In LFS,
    >
    > Michael Gallagher
    > Historian & Alumni VP (gotta get used to this; I was Webmaster or =
co- since
    > Spring 2002)



  Rachel Kuhn

  Graduate Assistant
  Office of Professional Development
  Syracuse University
  250 Huntington Hall
  (315) 443-4696

  Alpha Phi Omega
  Section 89 Staff

  rmkuhn@syr.edu
  iceangel99@yahoo.com


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<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>The pledge educator in this case is a =
female NIB=20
under the direction of the VPM.&nbsp; Is there an issue with this in =
this=20
context?</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2></FONT>&nbsp;</DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>Michael Gallagher</FONT></DIV>
<BLOCKQUOTE dir=3Dltr=20
style=3D"PADDING-RIGHT: 0px; PADDING-LEFT: 5px; MARGIN-LEFT: 5px; =
BORDER-LEFT: #000000 2px solid; MARGIN-RIGHT: 0px">
  <DIV style=3D"FONT: 10pt arial">----- Original Message ----- </DIV>
  <DIV=20
  style=3D"BACKGROUND: #e4e4e4; FONT: 10pt arial; font-color: =
black"><B>From:</B>=20
  <A title=3DShadow359@hotmail.com =
href=3D"mailto:Shadow359@hotmail.com">Paul=20
  Haring</A> </DIV>
  <DIV style=3D"FONT: 10pt arial"><B>To:</B> <A =
title=3DAPO-L@LISTSERV.IUPUI.EDU=20
  href=3D"mailto:APO-L@LISTSERV.IUPUI.EDU">APO-L@LISTSERV.IUPUI.EDU</A> =
</DIV>
  <DIV style=3D"FONT: 10pt arial"><B>Sent:</B> Sunday, December 07, 2003 =
10:04=20
  PM</DIV>
  <DIV style=3D"FONT: 10pt arial"><B>Subject:</B> Re: [APO-L] =
Intrachapter=20
  dating</DIV>
  <DIV><BR></DIV>
  <DIV class=3DSection1>
  <P class=3DMsoNormal><FONT face=3DGaramond color=3Dblack =
size=3D3><SPAN=20
  style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 12pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Garamond">In =
Omega <SPAN=20
  class=3DGramE>chapter</SPAN> we have had some recent history with this =
issue.=20
  <SPAN style=3D"mso-spacerun: yes">&nbsp;</SPAN>In fall 2001, the =
semester just=20
  before I pledged there was an incident where a Pledge was dating the =
pledge=20
  educator.<SPAN style=3D"mso-spacerun: yes">&nbsp; </SPAN>The exact =
details as to=20
  whether or not they were dating BEFORE he pledged is not easily =
answered.=20
  <SPAN style=3D"mso-spacerun: yes">&nbsp;</SPAN>However, what is is the =
fact that=20
  it caused a huge rift in the chapter.<SPAN style=3D"mso-spacerun: =
yes">&nbsp;=20
  </SPAN>The situation ended when the Educators term came up (we =
re-elect in the=20
  winter for two semesters) and they both have been a phantom in our =
chapter=20
  ever since.<o:p></o:p></SPAN></FONT></P>
  <P class=3DMsoNormal><FONT face=3DGaramond color=3Dblack =
size=3D3><SPAN=20
  style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 12pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: =
Garamond"><o:p>&nbsp;</o:p></SPAN></FONT></P>
  <P class=3DMsoNormal><FONT face=3DGaramond color=3Dblack =
size=3D3><SPAN=20
  style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 12pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Garamond">We have =
a few=20
  instances of inter-chapter dating on the active/active level and one =
of those=20
  just recently turned to engagement.<SPAN style=3D"mso-spacerun: =
yes">&nbsp;=20
  </SPAN><o:p></o:p></SPAN></FONT></P>
  <P class=3DMsoNormal><FONT face=3DGaramond color=3Dblack =
size=3D3><SPAN=20
  style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 12pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: =
Garamond"><o:p>&nbsp;</o:p></SPAN></FONT></P>
  <P class=3DMsoNormal><SPAN class=3DGramE><FONT face=3DGaramond =
color=3Dblack=20
  size=3D3><SPAN style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 12pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: =
Garamond">Long=20
  story short, our chapter (probably around 120-150=20
  members.</SPAN></FONT></SPAN><FONT face=3DGaramond color=3Dblack><SPAN =

  style=3D"COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Garamond"> <SPAN=20
  style=3D"mso-spacerun: yes">&nbsp;</SPAN>We just activated 41 pledges =
today so I=20
  don=92t know the exact numbers<SPAN class=3DGramE>)<SPAN=20
  style=3D"mso-spacerun: yes">&nbsp; </SPAN>does</SPAN> not hold an =
official=20
  policy regarding dating. <SPAN style=3D"mso-spacerun: =
yes">&nbsp;</SPAN>As a=20
  rule of thumb, the Pledge educator just does not date a=20
  pledge.<o:p></o:p></SPAN></FONT></P>
  <P class=3DMsoNormal><FONT face=3DGaramond color=3Dblack =
size=3D3><SPAN=20
  style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 12pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: =
Garamond"><o:p>&nbsp;</o:p></SPAN></FONT></P>
  <P class=3DMsoNormal><FONT face=3DGaramond color=3Dblack =
size=3D3><SPAN=20
  style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 12pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: =
Garamond"><o:p>&nbsp;</o:p></SPAN></FONT></P>
  <P class=3DMsoNormal><FONT face=3DGaramond color=3Dblack =
size=3D3><SPAN=20
  style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 12pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: =
Garamond"><o:p>&nbsp;</o:p></SPAN></FONT></P>
  <P class=3DMsoNormal style=3D"MARGIN-LEFT: 0.5in"><FONT face=3DTahoma =
size=3D2><SPAN=20
  style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Tahoma">-----Original=20
  Message-----<BR><B><SPAN style=3D"FONT-WEIGHT: bold">From:</SPAN></B> =
Alpha Phi=20
  Omega Discussion List [mailto:APO-L@LISTSERV.IUPUI.EDU] <B><SPAN=20
  style=3D"FONT-WEIGHT: bold">On Behalf Of </SPAN></B>Rachel =
Kuhn<BR><B><SPAN=20
  style=3D"FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Sent:</SPAN></B> </SPAN></FONT><st1:date =
Year=3D"2003"=20
  Day=3D"7" Month=3D"12"><FONT face=3DTahoma size=3D2><SPAN=20
  style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Tahoma">Sunday, December 07,=20
  2003</SPAN></FONT></st1:date><FONT face=3DTahoma size=3D2><SPAN=20
  style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Tahoma"> =
</SPAN></FONT><st1:time=20
  Minute=3D"24" Hour=3D"20"><FONT face=3DTahoma size=3D2><SPAN=20
  style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Tahoma">8:24=20
  PM</SPAN></FONT></st1:time><FONT face=3DTahoma size=3D2><SPAN=20
  style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Tahoma"><BR><B><SPAN=20
  style=3D"FONT-WEIGHT: bold">To:</SPAN></B> =
APO-L@LISTSERV.IUPUI.EDU<BR><B><SPAN=20
  style=3D"FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Subject:</SPAN></B> Re: [APO-L] =
Intrachapter=20
  dating</SPAN></FONT></P>
  <P class=3DMsoNormal style=3D"MARGIN-LEFT: 0.5in"><FONT face=3D"Times =
New Roman"=20
  size=3D3><SPAN style=3D"FONT-SIZE: =
12pt"><o:p>&nbsp;</o:p></SPAN></FONT></P>
  <DIV>
  <P class=3DMsoNormal style=3D"MARGIN-LEFT: 0.5in"><FONT face=3D"Times =
New Roman"=20
  size=3D3><SPAN style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 12pt">I pledged a larger chapter =
where we never=20
  really had a problem with brothers dating, it was actually rather =
common (and=20
  when you think about it, when a coed&nbsp;group of people with common =
goals=20
  and interests spend most of their free time together doing things and =
having=20
  fun, relationships are bound to happen)&nbsp;.&nbsp; My chapter also =
had close=20
  to 150 members and pledges at any given time, so =
relationships/breakups have=20
  never been a problem--they almost always ended on good terms and these =

  brothers were able to go about lives in the fraternity happily.&nbsp; =
We also=20
  never had problems with boyfriends/girlfriends of actives pledging, =
since the=20
  pledge had a different big/family.&nbsp; If a new relationship was =
forming it=20
  typically waited until after activation.&nbsp; (People used that =
common=20
  sense).&nbsp; My chapter was also not permitted to be selective by =
university=20
  policy so we really couldnt regulate that stuff too much (not letting=20
  boyfriends or girlfriends of actives pledge, etc--we'd lose all our =
funding if=20
  that happened).&nbsp; <o:p></o:p></SPAN></FONT></P></DIV>
  <DIV>
  <P class=3DMsoNormal style=3D"MARGIN-LEFT: 0.5in"><FONT face=3D"Times =
New Roman"=20
  size=3D3><SPAN style=3D"FONT-SIZE: =
12pt">&nbsp;<o:p></o:p></SPAN></FONT></P></DIV>
  <DIV>
  <P class=3DMsoNormal style=3D"MARGIN-LEFT: 0.5in"><FONT face=3D"Times =
New Roman"=20
  size=3D3><SPAN style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 12pt">I can definately see where a =
smaller=20
  chapter can have problems caused by brothers dating and breaking =
up.&nbsp; For=20
  example, a chapter has ten actve brothers.&nbsp; Two are dating, get =
in a=20
  fight, and break up.&nbsp; One of the newly single brothers goes on a =
date=20
  with someone else in teh chapter.&nbsp; All of a sudden you have a =
three way=20
  mess, and surely the rest of the brothers not directly involved will =
take=20
  sides in a situation like this.&nbsp; That's a recipe for =
disaster...but you=20
  can't really help or prevent who people date or fall in love with, so =
I don't=20
  think having a policy on chapter relationships is=20
  fair/needed.&nbsp;<o:p></o:p></SPAN></FONT></P></DIV>
  <DIV>
  <P class=3DMsoNormal style=3D"MARGIN-LEFT: 0.5in"><FONT face=3D"Times =
New Roman"=20
  size=3D3><SPAN style=3D"FONT-SIZE: =
12pt">&nbsp;<o:p></o:p></SPAN></FONT></P></DIV>
  <DIV>
  <P class=3DMsoNormal style=3D"MARGIN-LEFT: 0.5in"><FONT face=3D"Times =
New Roman"=20
  size=3D3><SPAN style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 12pt">Rachel=20
  Kuhn<o:p></o:p></SPAN></FONT></P></DIV>
  <DIV>
  <P class=3DMsoNormal style=3D"MARGIN-LEFT: 0.5in"><FONT face=3D"Times =
New Roman"=20
  size=3D3><SPAN style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 12pt">Section 89 =
staff<BR><BR><B><I><SPAN=20
  style=3D"FONT-WEIGHT: bold; FONT-STYLE: italic">Buddha Buck=20
  &lt;bmbuck@14850.com&gt;</SPAN></I></B>=20
  wrote:<o:p></o:p></SPAN></FONT></P></DIV>
  <BLOCKQUOTE=20
  style=3D"BORDER-RIGHT: medium none; PADDING-RIGHT: 0in; BORDER-TOP: =
medium none; MARGIN-TOP: 5pt; PADDING-LEFT: 4pt; MARGIN-BOTTOM: 5pt; =
PADDING-BOTTOM: 0in; MARGIN-LEFT: 3.75pt; BORDER-LEFT: #1010ff 1.5pt =
solid; PADDING-TOP: 0in; BORDER-BOTTOM: medium none">
    <P class=3DMsoNormal style=3D"MARGIN-LEFT: 0.5in"><FONT =
face=3D"Times New Roman"=20
    size=3D3><SPAN style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 12pt">Michael Gallagher =
wrote:<BR>&gt;=20
    Greetings,<BR>&gt;<BR>&gt; What policies on intrachapter dating =
exist? Has=20
    there ever been a situation<BR>&gt; when a Brother's/officer's/VPM's =

    fiance(e) has pledged? What has been done<BR>&gt; in these=20
    situations.<BR><BR>My chapter (Epsilon Sigma, University at=20
    </SPAN></FONT><st1:City><st1:place>Buffalo</st1:place></st1:City>) =
didn't=20
    have an oficial<BR>policy on intrachapter dating while I was there. =
In fact,=20
    there were<BR>lots of cases of brothers dating brothers. There are a =
handful=20
    of<BR>intrachapter marriages as well.<BR><BR>While there was no =
official=20
    policy, for risk-management reasons<BR>brother/pledge dating and =
especially=20
    big/little dating (during the<BR>pledge period) was frowned upon =
because of=20
    power/harassment issues. If<BR>the relationship predated the pledge=20
    pledging, then it wasn't frowned upon.<BR><BR>In my pledge class, =
two=20
    pledges started dating each other, and<BR>immediately after the =
brotherhood=20
    ritual, two Brother/NIB relationships<BR>(one big/little) were =
announced. As=20
    I understand it, one of those<BR>clandestine brother/pledge =
relationships=20
    ended up in a marriage.<BR><BR>(To make things even weirder, the =
*other*=20
    boyfriend of one of the two<BR>pledges who started dating each other =
pledged=20
    the next semester).<BR><BR>&gt;<BR>&gt; I've never been on a date, =
but I=20
    would think that fiance(e)s pledging is<BR>&gt; different from =
boyfriends=20
    &amp; girlfriends pledging .<BR>&gt;<BR>&gt; In LFS,<BR>&gt;<BR>&gt; =
Michael=20
    Gallagher<BR>&gt; Historian &amp; Alumni VP (gotta get used to this; =
I was=20
    Webmaster or co- since<BR>&gt; Spring =
2002)<o:p></o:p></P></BLOCKQUOTE>
  <P class=3DMsoNormal style=3D"MARGIN-LEFT: 0.5in"><FONT face=3D"Times =
New Roman"=20
  size=3D3><SPAN style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 12pt"><BR><BR>Rachel =
Kuhn<BR><BR>Graduate=20
  Assistant<BR>Office of Professional=20
  =
Development<BR></SPAN></FONT><st1:place><st1:PlaceName>Syracuse</st1:Plac=
eName>=20
  <st1:PlaceType>University</st1:PlaceType></st1:place><BR>250=20
  <st1:City><st1:place>Huntington</st1:place></st1:City> Hall<BR>(315)=20
  443-4696<BR><BR>Alpha Phi Omega<BR>Section 89=20
  Staff<BR><BR>rmkuhn@syr.edu<BR>iceangel99@yahoo.com<o:p></o:p></P>
  <DIV class=3DMsoNormal style=3D"MARGIN-LEFT: 0.5in; TEXT-ALIGN: =
center"=20
  align=3Dcenter><FONT face=3D"Times New Roman" size=3D3><SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 12pt">
  <HR align=3Dcenter width=3D"100%" SIZE=3D1>
  </SPAN></FONT></DIV>
  <P class=3DMsoNormal style=3D"MARGIN-LEFT: 0.5in"><FONT face=3D"Times =
New Roman"=20
  size=3D3><SPAN style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 12pt">Do you Yahoo!?<BR><A=20
  =
href=3D"http://us.rd.yahoo.com/slv/mailtag/*http:/companion.yahoo.com/">F=
ree=20
  Pop-Up Blocker - Get it=20
now</A><o:p></o:p></SPAN></FONT></P></DIV></BLOCKQUOTE></BODY></HTML>

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