[24044] in APO-L
Re: [APO-L] Intrachapter dating
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Rachel Kuhn)
Sun Dec 7 21:23:43 2003
Date: Sun, 7 Dec 2003 18:23:39 -0800
Reply-To: rmkuhn@syr.edu
From: Rachel Kuhn <iceangel99@yahoo.com>
To: APO-L@LISTSERV.IUPUI.EDU
In-Reply-To: <3FD3DABA.8080006@14850.com>
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I pledged a larger chapter where we never really had a problem with brothers dating, it was actually rather common (and when you think about it, when a coed group of people with common goals and interests spend most of their free time together doing things and having fun, relationships are bound to happen) . My chapter also had close to 150 members and pledges at any given time, so relationships/breakups have never been a problem--they almost always ended on good terms and these brothers were able to go about lives in the fraternity happily. We also never had problems with boyfriends/girlfriends of actives pledging, since the pledge had a different big/family. If a new relationship was forming it typically waited until after activation. (People used that common sense). My chapter was also not permitted to be selective by university policy so we really couldnt regulate that stuff too much (not letting boyfriends or girlfriends of actives pledge, etc--we'd lose all our fu!
nding if
that happened).
I can definately see where a smaller chapter can have problems caused by brothers dating and breaking up. For example, a chapter has ten actve brothers. Two are dating, get in a fight, and break up. One of the newly single brothers goes on a date with someone else in teh chapter. All of a sudden you have a three way mess, and surely the rest of the brothers not directly involved will take sides in a situation like this. That's a recipe for disaster...but you can't really help or prevent who people date or fall in love with, so I don't think having a policy on chapter relationships is fair/needed.
Rachel Kuhn
Section 89 staff
Buddha Buck <bmbuck@14850.com> wrote:
Michael Gallagher wrote:
> Greetings,
>
> What policies on intrachapter dating exist? Has there ever been a situation
> when a Brother's/officer's/VPM's fiance(e) has pledged? What has been done
> in these situations.
My chapter (Epsilon Sigma, University at Buffalo) didn't have an oficial
policy on intrachapter dating while I was there. In fact, there were
lots of cases of brothers dating brothers. There are a handful of
intrachapter marriages as well.
While there was no official policy, for risk-management reasons
brother/pledge dating and especially big/little dating (during the
pledge period) was frowned upon because of power/harassment issues. If
the relationship predated the pledge pledging, then it wasn't frowned upon.
In my pledge class, two pledges started dating each other, and
immediately after the brotherhood ritual, two Brother/NIB relationships
(one big/little) were announced. As I understand it, one of those
clandestine brother/pledge relationships ended up in a marriage.
(To make things even weirder, the *other* boyfriend of one of the two
pledges who started dating each other pledged the next semester).
>
> I've never been on a date, but I would think that fiance(e)s pledging is
> different from boyfriends & girlfriends pledging .
>
> In LFS,
>
> Michael Gallagher
> Historian & Alumni VP (gotta get used to this; I was Webmaster or co- since
> Spring 2002)
Rachel Kuhn
Graduate Assistant
Office of Professional Development
Syracuse University
250 Huntington Hall
(315) 443-4696
Alpha Phi Omega
Section 89 Staff
rmkuhn@syr.edu
iceangel99@yahoo.com
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<DIV>I pledged a larger chapter where we never really had a problem with brothers dating, it was actually rather common (and when you think about it, when a coed group of people with common goals and interests spend most of their free time together doing things and having fun, relationships are bound to happen) . My chapter also had close to 150 members and pledges at any given time, so relationships/breakups have never been a problem--they almost always ended on good terms and these brothers were able to go about lives in the fraternity happily. We also never had problems with boyfriends/girlfriends of actives pledging, since the pledge had a different big/family. If a new relationship was forming it typically waited until after activation. (People used that common sense). My chapter was also not permitted to be selective by university policy so we really couldnt regulate that stuff too much (not letting boyfriends or girlfriends of a!
ctives
pledge, etc--we'd lose all our funding if that happened). </DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>I can definately see where a smaller chapter can have problems caused by brothers dating and breaking up. For example, a chapter has ten actve brothers. Two are dating, get in a fight, and break up. One of the newly single brothers goes on a date with someone else in teh chapter. All of a sudden you have a three way mess, and surely the rest of the brothers not directly involved will take sides in a situation like this. That's a recipe for disaster...but you can't really help or prevent who people date or fall in love with, so I don't think having a policy on chapter relationships is fair/needed. </DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>Rachel Kuhn</DIV>
<DIV>Section 89 staff<BR><BR><B><I>Buddha Buck <bmbuck@14850.com></I></B> wrote:</DIV>
<BLOCKQUOTE class=replbq style="PADDING-LEFT: 5px; MARGIN-LEFT: 5px; BORDER-LEFT: #1010ff 2px solid">Michael Gallagher wrote:<BR>> Greetings,<BR>><BR>> What policies on intrachapter dating exist? Has there ever been a situation<BR>> when a Brother's/officer's/VPM's fiance(e) has pledged? What has been done<BR>> in these situations.<BR><BR>My chapter (Epsilon Sigma, University at Buffalo) didn't have an oficial<BR>policy on intrachapter dating while I was there. In fact, there were<BR>lots of cases of brothers dating brothers. There are a handful of<BR>intrachapter marriages as well.<BR><BR>While there was no official policy, for risk-management reasons<BR>brother/pledge dating and especially big/little dating (during the<BR>pledge period) was frowned upon because of power/harassment issues. If<BR>the relationship predated the pledge pledging, then it wasn't frowned upon.<BR><BR>In my pledge class, two pledges started dating each other, and<BR>immediately after!
the
brotherhood ritual, two Brother/NIB relationships<BR>(one big/little) were announced. As I understand it, one of those<BR>clandestine brother/pledge relationships ended up in a marriage.<BR><BR>(To make things even weirder, the *other* boyfriend of one of the two<BR>pledges who started dating each other pledged the next semester).<BR><BR>><BR>> I've never been on a date, but I would think that fiance(e)s pledging is<BR>> different from boyfriends & girlfriends pledging .<BR>><BR>> In LFS,<BR>><BR>> Michael Gallagher<BR>> Historian & Alumni VP (gotta get used to this; I was Webmaster or co- since<BR>> Spring 2002)</BLOCKQUOTE><BR><BR>Rachel Kuhn<br><br>Graduate Assistant<br>Office of Professional Development<br>Syracuse University<br>250 Huntington Hall<br>(315) 443-4696<br><br>Alpha Phi Omega<br>Section 89 Staff<br><br>rmkuhn@syr.edu<br>iceangel99@yahoo.com<p><hr SIZE=1>
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