[89601] in tlhIngan-Hol
Re: chIjwI' tIQ bom: 'ay' loS
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Rohan Fenwick - QeS 'utlh)
Mon Sep 12 10:09:51 2011
From: Rohan Fenwick - QeS 'utlh <qeslagh@hotmail.com>
To: <tlhingan-hol@kli.org>
Date: Tue, 13 Sep 2011 00:00:41 +1000
In-Reply-To: <6.2.5.6.2.20110911083342.042d0588@flyingstart.ca>
Errors-to: tlhingan-hol-bounce@kli.org
Reply-to: tlhingan-hol@kli.org
jIghItlhpu', jIjatlh:
> 'ej yIntaH charbogh wa''uy' Dep;
mujang Qov:
> A million slimy beings lived on [Hmm, slimy being inflation :-) ]
I thought this was probably the easiest way of dealing with Coleridge's
"thousand thousand slimy things"!
jIH:
> 'ej ngImtaHbogh bIQ'a' vIbej,
Qov:
> {If it's rottING, isn't it ngImchoH?}
I went with ngImtaH here because the sea had already ngImchoH'ed in a
previous verse, and I thought using ngImchoH again would be inconsistent.
Do you think I should keep it?
jIH:
> QunwI' vIjatlhchoH 'e' vInID,
Qov:
> I tried to speak to my god. [is that the right grammar? not QunvaD
> jIjatlh?]
Not sure what you mean; what in particular strikes you as odd about it?
jIH:
> 'ej Dechmo' lommey law'.
Qov:
> {Hm, it's for the rhythm you've avoided muDech, I guess, but why not
> muDechtaH lommey law'?}
I stuck with Dechmo' here to follow Coleridge's original:
"I closed my lids, and kept them close,
And the balls like pulses beat;
For the sky and the sea, and the sea and the sky,
Lay like a load on my weary eye,
And the dead were at my feet."
The way I interpreted this is that the "for" (= "because") is actually
modifying both "lay like a load on my weary eye" and "the dead were at
my feet", so I thought I should keep a -mo' on Dech as well.
jIH:
> veqlarghvaD qa' nob 'IghmoHbogh
> mIn'e' ghajbogh puq chun.
> 'ach 'Ighbogh lom mIn'e' mIgh woch
> puq chun mIn'e' mIgh run!
Qov:
> [Oh there's more on this puqqoq chun, maybe this will explain. Ha, I
> almost blew a gasket before I realized that it was a law'/puS
> construction, because I was so fiated on the puq.
Yeah, I still get tripped up with law'/puS constructions that use pairs
other than law/puS... I'm glad you could get what this verse was saying.
I had big problems cramming it all in and getting the rhyme too, and I
had my doubts.
> Hee, I'm really on board with the spirt of bom qon. It's more like you
> and Coleridge have qon the same bom than that you are translating his.
> Damn, I really like that concept. Thus stories and poems are never
> really translated into Klingon. You simply go out and qon them.}
wa' DoS wIqIp! You forget about translating the words themselves and
focus on picturing the scenario the original is talking about, then just
qon it again, but in Klingon. qon's a deeper idea than I ever thought.
jIH:
> Soch jaj, Soch ram vI'IghmoHlu',
Qov:
> Seven days and seven nights I was made cursed. [Is <vI'IghmoHlu'>
> needed, or just a fancy way of saying jI'IghchoHtaH?]]
Either would be okay. I prefer vI'IghmoHlu', since jI'IghchoHtaH sounds
a bit like the curse is building up over the seven days rather than just
always being present, but jI'IghchoHtaH would still work fine.
jIH:
> 'ach reH Hegh mIn vIjun.
Qov:
> {Ooh, that's a different concept than in the original. I took yours
> to be that somehow the narrator was evading the curse of the eyes,
> whereas Coleridge's narrator seems to crave death.
True. Might Hegh mIn'e' mujun "as for the eye of death, it evaded me"
be better? That'd bring it nearer to the near-craving of death in the
original: the narrator wants to fall under Death's gaze, but is always
evaded.
jIH:
> tlhejmoHmeH cha' Hov vo':
Qov:
> {I guess vo' was just needed for the rhyme, then.}
To an extent, yeah. It's a bit far from the original, I know, but the
original's pretty semantically empty ("and a star or two beside").
> {Awright!}
tlho'. :) tlhoS 'ay' vagh vIlabrup. tugh vIngeH!
QeS 'utlh
