[312] in tlhIngan-Hol
wa'
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU)
Fri May 15 13:25:06 1992
Errors-To: tlhIngan-Hol-request@village.boston.ma.us
Reply-To: "Klingon Language List" <tlhIngan-Hol@village.boston.ma.us>
From: Michael Everson <EVERSON@IRLEARN.UCD.IE>
To: "Klingon Language List" <tlhIngan-Hol@village.boston.ma.us>
Date: Fri, 15 May 92 17:23:41 GMT
Ryan Zerby posted his translation of Metallica's song "One". Some of his
translations were not strictly speaking accurate. A bit more time with the
grammar is vital for us all. It is often best to put a translation away for
a day or so and then look at it again, retranslating it into English. Ryan
had some of the following types of errors: illegal suffixes (mInpu' 'eyes',
when body parts have their own suffix mInDu'), wrong use of Klingon words
(chetvI' 'torpedo tube' for artificial vein-tubes [see my note on line 15
below]), and so on.
I checked the original text first to see if the syllable count was correct.
(Love those emphatics!) I've tried, minimally, to take some of the rhyme
into account. (Mostly that has to do with assonance, rather than true Human
rhyme.) Ryan is to be congratulated on tackling this. I hope my corrections
are both correct and welcome.
It is hard to do this sort of thing. I'd love to have this one corrected,
however. I have a friend in Estonia who a) loves Metallica and b) loves Star
Trek and Klingons. (They have seen both Classic ST and STTNG for years in
English with Finnish subtitles!). So... comment is invited.
varSan (Michael Everson)
"wa'" "One"
--metalIqa ghItlhta' --by Metallica
pagh'a' vIqawlaHbe'law'taH 1 I can't remember anything
vIt naj ghap ghu'vam vISovbe' 2 Can't tell if this is true or dream
porghwI'Daq jIjachnISqu'bej 3 Deep down inside, I feel to scream
mumevtaH tamghachvam mIghqu' 4 This terrible silence stops me
DaH muwoDqu'bejpu' veS'a' 5 Now that the war is through with me
jIvemlI'qu', jIleghlaHbe' 6 I'm waking up, I cannot see
naQbe'bej porghHomqoqwI' 7 That there's not much left of me
DaH Dat mob 'oy'na'vam'a' 8 Nothing is real but pain now
tlhuH vIvoQ Hegh vItultaHvIS 9 Hold my breath as I wish for death
vemmoHneS, joHwI' 10 Oh please God, wake me
ghu juHDaq jIH, jI'oy'qu'bej 11 Back in the womb it's much too real
muSoDtaH yIn vIHotbogh 12 In pumps life that I must feel
jItu'qa' jIpIHlaHbe' 13 But can't look forward to reveal
jIyInqa' jItullaHbe' 14 Look to the time when I'll live
DaH 'aD'a'Heyvo' vIje'lu' 15 Fed through a tube that sticks in me
veS tevHom jIH, jIlo'laHbe' 16 Just like a wartime novelty
muyInmoHbogh jo' vIbaghlu' 17 Tied to machines that make me be
jIHvo' yInvam yIpe' 18 Cut this life off from me
tlhuH vIvoQ Hegh vItultaHvIS 19 Hold my breath as I wish for death
vemmoHneS, joHwI' 20 Oh please God, wake me
mejpu'mo' qo'vam, wa' jIH, wa' 21 Now this world is gone I'm just one
choQaH, joHwI' 22 Oh God, help me
tlhuH vIvoQ Hegh vItultaHvIS 23 Hold my breath as I wish for death
vemmoHneS, joHwI' 24 Oh please God, wake me
HurghDaq 25 Darkness
qama'Hey'a' jIH 26 Imprisoning me
neH Hurgh vIlegh 27 All that I see
Hochna' ngImqu'taH 28 Absolute horror
jIyInlaHbe' 29 I cannot live
jIHeghlaHbe' 30 I cannot die
porghDaq jInogh 31 Trapped in myself
bIghHa' 'oH porghHeywI' 32 Body my holding cell
yavtlhIl-- 33 Landmine
mInDu'wIj tlhappu' 34 Has taken my sight
QIchwIj tlhappu' 35 Taken my speech
QoyghachwIj tlhappu' 36 Taken my hearing
DeSwIj tlhappu' 37 Taken my arms
'uSwIj tlhappu' 38 Taken my legs
quvwIj tlhappu' 39 Taken my soul
DaH ghe''orDaq jIyIn 40 Left me with life in hell
NOTES:
l. 1. I don't know of anything that prevents double negatives in Klingon.
l. 2. I have no objection to naj being used as a noun. Cf. section 4.2.9.
l. 3. I assume that porgh 'body' is a noun which typically takes the
-wI' suffix, despite the unfortunate state the narrator's body
must be in. This is particularly poignant in l. 7.
l. 8. tlhuH voQ 'choke breath' for 'hold breath'.
l. 10. vemmoHneS, clipped from chovemmoHneS. The Metallica text has
'wake', not 'take'. I prefer joHwI' 'my lord' for 'God'.
l. 11. ghu juH 'baby's home', i.e. 'womb'
l. 12. 'life floods me'
l. 13. 'I cannot expect to discover'
l. 14. 'I cannot hope to live again'
l. 15. 'aD'a'Hey 'big apparent vein' for a medical tube. -'a'- adds a sense
of nastiness.
l. 21. It is essential that the word wa' appear in the translation.
(Or the title of the song should be altered, but I think that's
unnecessary here.)
21-24. This verse is interestingly ambiguous in English. Is it "Oh God,
help me! I hold my breath as I wish for death", or is it "Oh God,
help me to hold my breath as I wish for death"? In the event of
the latter, the following translation could suffice:
mejpu'mo' qo'vam, wa' jIH, wa' Now this world is gone I'm just one
joHwI', tlhuHwIj chovoQmoH Oh God, help me hold my breath
Hegh vItultaHvIS as I wish for death
vemmoHneS, joHwI' 23 Oh please God, wake me
l. 25. I am not sure if -ghach is necessary here, since the root is not
given as a noun. In the absence of a special verbal suffix, however,
I omit it (cf. section 4.2.9). DO we have consensus on this?
l. 31. 'in (my) body I writhe'. I actually preferred jInarghlaHbe''egh 'I
cannot escape myself', but it's too many syllables.
33-34. Properly, OVS should require mInpu'wIj tlhappu' yavtlhIl. Perhaps
the first line should read here yavtlhIl'a', but that's an extra
syllable and I think the inversion might make it through via the
old standby "poetic licence".
l. 39. In the absence of a word for soul, quv 'honour'.
Qapla'!
Michael Everson
School of Architecture, UCD, Richview, Clonskeagh, Dublin 14, E/ire
Phone: +353-1-706-2745 Fax: +353-1-283-7778
