[413] in Humor
HUMOR: Welcome home, honey
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (abennett@MIT.EDU)
Wed Aug 17 13:24:23 1994
From: abennett@MIT.EDU
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Wed, 17 Aug 94 13:19:29 EDT
Date: Tue, 16 Aug 94 17:57:02 PDT
From: Connie_Kleinjans@Novell.COM (Connie Kleinjans)
OK, so sometimes I can't keep my hands off. I got the original from my
friend Jeff (jeffs@sherpa.com), with this intro.
This is actual text from a Home Economics guide used in Ontario,
Canada during the 1950's. The segment is titled:
"THE FASCINATING WOMANHOOD WAY TO WELCOME A MAN WHEN HE COMES HOME
FROM WORK"
Just for grins, I changed the gender-related words.
Enjoy. (And don't forget the ribbon in your hair.)
"THE FASCINATING MANHOOD WAY TO WELCOME A WOMAN
WHEN SHE COMES HOME FROM WORK"
GET YOUR WORK DONE: Plan your tasks with an eye on the clock.
Finish or interrupt them an hour before she is expected. Your
anguished cry, "Are you home already?" is not exactly a warm
welcome.
HAVE DINNER READY: Plan ahead, even the night before to have a
delicious meal, on time. This is a way of letting her know that
you have been thinking about her and are concerned about her
needs. Most women are hungry when they come home and the
prospects of a good meal are part of the warm welcome needed.
PREPARE YOURSELF: Take 15 minutes to rest so you will be
refreshed when she arrives. This will also make you happy to see
her instead of too tired to care. Turn off the worry and be glad
to be alive and grateful for the woman who is going to walk in.
While you are resting you can be thinking about your F.M.
assignment and all you can do to make her happy and give her
spirits a lift. When you arise, take care of your appearance.
Touch up your makeup, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh
looking. She has just been with a lot of work-weary people. Be
a little gay and a little more interesting. Her boring day may
need a lift.
CLEAR AWAY THE CLUTTER: Make one last trip through the main part
of the house just before your wife arrives, gathering up school
books, toys, paper, etc. in a bucket or wastebasket and put them
in the back bedroom for sorting later. Then run a dustcloth over
the tables. Your wife will feel she has reached a haven of rest
and order and it will give you a lift, too. Having the house in
order is another way of letting her know that you care and have
planned for this homecoming.
PREPARE THE CHILDREN: Take just a few minutes to wash the
children's hands and faces (if they are small) comb their hair,
and if necessary change their clothes. They are little treasures
and she would like to see them look the part.
MINIMIZE ALL NOISE: Especially give heed to this if your wife
has to join rush hour traffic. At the time of her arrival
eliminate noise of washer, dryer, dishwasher or vacuum. Try to
encourage the children to be quiet at the time of their mother's
arrival. Let them be a little noisy beforehand to get it out of
their system.
BE HAPPY TO SEE HER: Greet her with a warm smile and act glad to
see her. Tell her that it is good to have her home. This may
make her day worthwhile. If there is any romance left in you,
she needs it now.
SOME DON'TS: Don't greet her with problems and complaints.
Solve the problems you can before she gets home and save those
you must discuss with her until later in the evening. Also,
don't complain if she is late for dinner. Count this as a minor
problem when compared with what she might have gone through that
day. Don't allow the children to rush at her with problems or
requests. Allow them to briefly greet their mother but save
demands for later.
MAKE HER COMFORTABLE: Have her lean back into a comfortable
chair or suggest she lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or
warm drink ready for her. Arrange her pillow and offer to
massage her neck and shoulders and take off her shoes. Don't
insist on this however. Turn on music if it is one of her
pleasures. Speak in a soft, soothing, pleasant voice. Allow her
to relax - to unwind.
LISTEN TO HER: You may have a dozen things to tell her, but the
moment of her arrival is not the time. Let her talk first, then
she will be a more responsive listener later.
MAKE THE EVENING HERS: Never complain if she does not take you
out to dinner or to other places of entertainment. Instead, try
to understand her world of strain and pressure, her need to be
home and to relax. If she is cross or irritable, never fight
back. Again, try to understand her world of strain.
THE GOAL: Try to make your home a place of peace and order where
your wife can renew herself in body and spirit. Then add to this
the application of all the principles of Fascinating Manhood and
your wife **will want to come home** (that's in italics). She
will rather be with you than with anyone else in the world and
will spend whatever time she can possibly spare with you. Try
living all of these rules for her homecoming and see what
happens. This is the way to bring a woman home to your side, not
by pressure, persuasion or moral obligation.
