[40] in Humor
HUMOR: generic slam
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (abennett@MIT.EDU)
Mon Jan 31 12:24:51 1994
From: abennett@MIT.EDU
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Mon, 31 Jan 94 12:21:36 EST
Date: Fri, 28 Jan 1994 23:03:04 -0700
From: matossian@aries.colorado.edu (Espacionaute Spiff domaine!)
From: orc@uhuru.uchicago.edu (David Parsons)
Subject: Re: 41 jobless flamers and still counting
Date: Wed, 26 Jan 1994 04:44:31 GMT
USENET NEWS STANDARD FOLLOW-UP FORM
I TOOK EXCEPTION TO YOUR RECENT POST TO __soc.singles________.
(newsgroup)
It was:
_X_ LAME.
_X_ STUPID.
_X_ MUCH LONGER THAN ANY WORTHWHILE THOUGHT OF WHICH YOU MAY BE CAPABLE.
YOUR ATTENTION IS DRAWN TO THE FACT THAT:
_X_ WHAT YOU POSTED HAS BEEN DONE BEFORE.
(Mark only if above checked)
_X_ NOT ONLY THAT, IT WAS ALSO DONE BETTER THE LAST TIME.
___ YOUR POST WAS A PATHETIC IMITATION OF ______________________.
(net.personality)
___ YOUR POST ORIGINATED ON FIDONET.
___ YOUR POST REFERRED TO THE NEWSGROUP AS A BOARD, BBOARD, BBS, OR NOTESFILE.
___ YOUR POST CONTAINED COMMERCIAL ADVERTISING. THE FINE FOR THIS IS $20.
PLEASE REMIT IMMEDIATELY TO:
USENET NEWS
NETWORK SECURITY & STANDARDS PATROL
3 Cielo Vista Terrace
Monterey, CA 93940
OR YOUR POSTING PRIVILEGES WILL BE CANCELLED.
_X_ YOUR POST CONTAINED SPELLING ERRORS.
___ YOUR POST CONTAINED GRAMMAR ERRORS.
___ YOUR POST CONTAINED EXCESSIVE CAPITALIZATION AND PUNCTUATION!!!!!
___ YOU POSTED A NEWGROUP MESSAGE WITHOUT LEADER KIBO'S PERMISSION.
___ YOU POSTED A RMGROUP MESSAGE WITHOUT BRUCE BECKER'S PERMISSION.
___ YOUR POST WAS AN OBVIOUS FORGERY.
(Mark only if above checked)
___ IT WAS DONE CLUMSILY.
_X_ YOU HAVE A LAME LOGIN NAME.
___ YOUR MACHINE HAS A STUPID NAME.
___ YOU QUOTED AN ARTICLE IN FOLLOWUP AND ADDED NO NEW TEXT.
___ YOU QUOTED AN ARTICLE IN FOLLOWUP ONLY TO ADD ___ NEW LINES OF TEXT.
___ YOU QUOTED AN ARTICLE IN FOLLOWUP AND ONLY ADDED A "ME TOO!!!"
___ YOU PREDICTED THE "IMMINENT DEATH OF THE NET."
___ YOU ASKED FOR REPLIES VIA EMAIL BECAUSE YOU "DON'T READ THIS GROUP."
_X_ YOU FLAMED SOMEONE WHO HAS BEEN AROUND FAR LONGER THAN YOU.
_X_ YOU FLAMED SOMEONE WHO IS FAR MORE INTELLIGENT AND WITTIER THAN YOU.
___ YOUR LINES ARE 80 COLUMNS LONG OR LONGER. PLEASE ADJUST.
___ YOU FAILED TO CHECK THE FOLLOWUPS-TO: LINE.
___ YOUR SIG WAS GREATER THAN FOUR LINES.
___ YOUR SIG IS RIDICULOUS BECAUSE (check all that apply):
___ YOU HAVE ___ SNAIL MAIL ADDRESSES WHICH NO ONE USES ANYMORE.
(Mark only if above checked)
___ YOU LISTED A NINE DIGIT ZIP CODE WHICH NO ONE EVER USED.
___ YOU HAVE ___ PHONE NUMBERS FOR PEOPLE TO USE IN PRANK CALLS.
___ YOU HAVE LISTED MULTIPLE EMAIL ADDRESSES. ARE YOU REALLY EXPECTING
PEOPLE TO SEND EMAIL TO EACH ONE?
___ YOU INCLUDED A STUPID DISCLAIMER.
(Mark only if above also)
___ YOUR PATHETIC ATTEMPT AT BEING WITTY IN THE DISCLAIMER FAILED.
___ YOU INCLUDED
(Mark all that apply)
___ A STUPID SELF-QUOTE.
___ A STUPID QUOTE FROM A NET.NOBODY.
___ A RUSH QUOTE.
___ A LAME ASCII GRAPHIC OF (Choose all that apply):
___ USS ENTERPRISE
___ AUSTRALIA
___ THE AMIGA LOGO
___ COMPANY LOGO
___ BICYCLE
___ BART SIMPSON
FURTHERMORE:
_X_ YOU HAVE GREATLY MISUNDERSTOOD THE PURPOSE OF __soc.singles________.
(newsgroup)
___ YOU HAVE GREATLY MISUNDERSTOOD THE PURPOSE OF THE NET.
_X_ YOU ARE A LOSER.
_X_ YOU MUST HAVE SPENT YOUR ENTIRE LIFE IN A SKINNER BOX TO BE THIS CLUELESS.
_X_ PLONK!
_X_ THIS HAS BEEN POINTED OUT TO YOU BEFORE.
_X_ IT IS RECOMMENDED THAT YOU:
(Mark all that apply)
___ STICK TO FIDONET AND COME BACK WHEN YOU'VE GROWN UP.
___ FIND A VOLCANO AND THROW YOURSELF IN.
_X_ GET A GUN AND SHOOT YOURSELF.
___ STOP READING USENET NEWS AND GET A LIFE.
___ FUCK OFF.
___ FUCK OFF AND DIE.
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