[920] in Humor
HUMOR: Graduate Humor
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Andrew A. Bennett)
Mon Jun 12 12:33:44 1995
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Mon, 12 Jun 1995 12:25:27 EDT
From: "Andrew A. Bennett" <abennett@MIT.EDU>
The truly sad part is how much of this I can empathise with...
-Drew
Date: Mon, 12 Jun 1995 16:06:10 +0000 (GMT)
From: Espacionaute Spiff domine! <MATOSSIAN@aries.colorado.edu>
From: "Tim E. Holden" <holden@baggins.Colorado.EDU>
(courtesy of Bobby Braun)
> >
> > The Top Ten Lies Told by Graduate Students
> >
> > 10. It doesn't bother me at all that my college roommate is making
> > $80,000 a year on Wall Street.
> > 9. I'd be delighted to proofread your book/chapter/article.
> > 8. My work has a lot of practical importance.
> > 7. I would never date an undergraduate.
> > 6. Your latest article was so inspiring.
> > 5. I turned down a lot of great job offers to come here.
> > 4. I just have one more book to read and then I'll start writing.
> > 3. The department is giving me so much support.
> > 2. My job prospects look really good.
> > 1. No really, I'll be out of here in only two more years.
> >
> > Top Five Lies Told by Teaching Fellows:
> >
> > 5. I'm not going to grant any extensions.
> > 4. Call me any time. I'm always available.
> > 3. It doesn't matter what I think; write what you believe.
> > 2. Think of the midterm as a diagnostic tool.
> > 1. My other section is much better prepared than you guys.
> >
> > You just might be a graduate student if...
> >
> > ...you can analyze the significance of appliances you cannot operate.
> > ...your carrel is better decorated than your apartment.
> > ...you have ever, as a folklore project, attempted to track the
> > progress of your own joke across the Internet.
> > ...you are startled to meet people who neither need nor want to read.
> > ...you have ever brought a scholarly article to a bar.
> > ...you rate coffee shops by the availability of outlets for your
> > laptop.
> > ...everything reminds you of something in your discipline.
> > ...you have ever discussed academic matters at a sporting event.
> > ...you have ever spent more than $50 on photocopying while
> > researching a single paper.
> > ...there is a microfilm reader in the library that you consider
> > "yours."
> > ...you actually have a preference between microfilm and microfiche.
> > ...you can tell the time of day by looking at the traffic flow at
> > the library.
> > ...you look forward to summers because you're more productive
> > without the distraction of classes.
> > ...you regard ibuprofen as a vitamin.
> > ...you consider all papers to be works in progress.
> > ...professors don't really care when you turn in work anymore.
> > ...you find the bibliographies of books more interesting than
> > the actual text.
> > ...you have given up trying to keep your books organized and are
> > now just trying to keep them all in the same general area.
> > ...you have accepted guilt as an inherent feature of relaxation.
> > ...you reflexively start analyzing those greek letters before you
> > realize that it's a sorority sweatshirt, not an equation.
> > ...you find yourself explaining to children that you are in "20th
> > grade".
> > ...you start refering to stories like "Snow White et al."
> > ...you frequently wonder how long you can live on pasta without getting
> > scurvy
> > ...you look forward to taking some time off to do laundry
> > ...you have more photocopy cards than credit cards
> > ...you wonder if APA style allows you to cite talking to yourself as
> > "personal communication"
> >
