[910] in Humor
HUMOR: ...and we'd both like the chicken...
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Andrew A. Bennett)
Tue Jun 6 10:43:20 1995
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Tue, 06 Jun 1995 10:38:03 EDT
From: "Andrew A. Bennett" <abennett@MIT.EDU>
Date: Mon, 5 Jun 1995 23:59:20 -0700
From: connie@interserve.com (Connie Kleinjans)
>
> This comes to us from dolata@lead.uazaic.arizona.edu (Dolata)
> by way of Frank Ney ...
> ---------------------------------------------------------------------------
> The Lump
>
> While I was working in Sweden, I had many chances to visit London.
> Through a strange set of circumstances, while performing historical
> research I was able to be of service to the Abbot of Westminster Abbey.
> As a reward, I was presented with a weather worn carved capital from
> the Chapel of Henry VI'th which was being replaced with a new one. (The
> service had pertained to this restoration work.) Although weatherworn
> and a bit crumbly, it is delicately carved, and so I worked hard to
> protect it. Since it weighs 50+ pounds, this was not easy.
>
> Fortunately, I had traveled from Sweden to England with my good Lady,
> her Mother, and her sister... Even though the latter two of our party
> were planning to travel onwards, rather than return to Sweden, it had
> been cheapest to buy everyone round trip tickets... So the fact that I
> had a 50+ pound chunk of Westminster Abbey didn't seem like it would
> present a problem... I had a pair of spare return trip tickets. It
> could fly as a passenger!!!!
>
> Check in was fun... "I'd like to check in three to Sweden..."
> presenting the tickets... "Yes sir... would you put your carry on
> bag on the scale???" "No, that's one of the passengers". "Yes,
> sir, you you put _their_ bag on the scale." "No, I didn't make myself
> clear. That is not a bag belonging to a passenger... that bag is the
> passenger." "Excuse me sir... did you say the BAG is the PASSENGER?"
> "Yes, and it would like a window seat." At this point they decided I
> was definitely daft, and I spent the next ten minutes talking to various
> managers... Finally that was cleared up, and the bag got its window
> seat.
>
> Arriving at the security gate, I placed my bag firmly (ka-thunk) on the
> x-ray machine... and of course no x-rays penetrated the rock... So they
> asked me; "What do you have in there, a rock?" "Why yes, I do".
> "Well sir, could you be so kind as to open it?" "But of course..."
> Well, they were very amused, but seeing as how I had the foresight
> to obtain a legal possession and export document, they finally let it
> through.
>
> I thought I had it made, but the people at the boarding gate noticed
> that I was lugging this bag as if it contained somewhat over the 14
> pounds weight allowance for carry on luggage. Also, I was treating it
> gingerly since it is a irreplaceable thing, and I didn't want to
> damage it... "Excuse me sir, but if that bag weighs more than 14
> pounds you will have to check it..." "No, thats okay, it isn't a
> bag, it's a passenger with it's own ticket... right here." With
> that, I showed the ticket. "Yes sir, where is the person who's ticket
> this is?" "No, let me make it clear, this bag is the passenger, it is
> going to sit in a seat, next to the window." "Yes, sir, could you
> kindly step into the security office with us?..." Sigh...
>
> Finally we board the airplane... I thought we had it made... But alas,
> fate had a bit more planned for me. Shortly after the plane buttoned
> up, the stewardess came around and asked me if I could move the bag off
> of the seat (It was firmly seat belted in place), because a passenger
> wanted to move to the window (I should have realized that might cause
> problems). "No, I am afraid I won't move the bag, and besides, I
> have paid for that seat...." "Well yes sir, if that is your reserved
> seat, than could you sit in it and give the other gentleman the seat
> you are sitting in?" "I'm afraid I have not made it clear... I have
> paid for a ticket for the bag... it is a passenger. That is it's
> reserved seat.... I have a ticket, I am a passenger, and this is *my*
> reserved seat. We are both passengers, with tickets, and reserved
> seats... (and trying to suppress a grin...) and we would both like the
> chicken entree." .... eventually I was able to convince the co-pilot
> that the bag was a bonafide passenger with a ticket, that it didn't
> constitute a threat to the welfare of the airplane, and that it did
> have a right to both the window seat and the chicken entree...
>
