[843] in Humor
HUMOR: WinEver
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Andrew A. Bennett)
Tue Apr 25 15:21:53 1995
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Tue, 25 Apr 1995 15:15:46 EDT
From: "Andrew A. Bennett" <abennett@MIT.EDU>
Date: Tue, 25 Apr 1995 17:39:37 +0000 (GMT)
From: Espacionaute Spiff domine! <MATOSSIAN@aries.colorado.edu>
Date: Tue, 18 Apr 1995 14:05:06 -0400
From: bostic@CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Forwarded-by: hitz@netapp.com (Dave Hitz)
Forwarded by barrbph@CLASS.ORG (Robert Barr)
Forwarded by robin@zoom.com (Robin Diane Goldstein)
MICROSOFT RENAMES WINDOWS 95
REDMOND, WASHINGTON -- In an effort to dispell confusion surrounding
Microsoft's upcoming new version of Windows, Microsoft annouced today
that it would rename the upgrade -- formerly known as Windows 95 -- to
WinEver.
"There seemed to be a great deal of anxiety about when the product
would ship. We felt it was in the best interest of our users to free
them from this anxiety," said a Microsoft spokesperson who requested to
remain anonymous.
Industry analysts were quick to praise the decision. "WinEver will
free Windows users from space and time constraints. It also gives
Windows a new timeless quality", said a member of Ziff-Davis
Publishing's Editorial Staff.
"This is precisely why OS/2 is failing in the marketplace -- they have
failed to deliver a strategy for their product."
When asked when WinEver would be available, a Microsoft spokesperson
said "Whenever." The spokesperson added "It really doesn't matter
since WinEver is destined to be the most powerful and popular operating
system ever." Market and industry analysts quickly agreed adding that
"WinEver has already revolutionized the industry."
A spokesperson from IBM disagreed however. "Microsoft is still trying
to sell a product that doesn't exist. IBM has been shipping a 32-bit
operating system since 1992 that runs todays DOS, Windows and OS/2
applications in a stable 32-bit environment with an advanced user
interface. WinEver -- or WhatEver it's called now -- still relies on
DOS device drivers and is not a true 32-bit OS unlike OS/2." He added
that "users who think that WinEver will have no compatibility problems
will be in for a surprise." Most users seem to remain unconvinced
however. "WinEver will run everything and it won't have any bugs or
compatibility problems because it's from Microsoft. Why should I buy
OS/2 which is less than perfect when WinEver is right around the
corner?"
In a related story, IBM has reportedly been working on incorporating
WinEver compatibility into a future version of OS/2. Microsoft was
quick to express fear, uncertainty and doubt in regards to IBM's
chances of success. "IBM is chasing a moving target and without the
source code". Industry analysts and the media agreed adding that this
is yet another example of "OS/2's failing strategy."
