[817] in Humor
HUMOR: WEIRDNUZ.372 (News of the Weird, March 24, 1995)
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Andrew A. Bennett)
Tue Apr 11 09:10:39 1995
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Tue, 11 Apr 1995 09:07:23 EDT
From: "Andrew A. Bennett" <abennett@MIT.EDU>
Date: Sat, 08 Apr 1995 19:44:28 +0000 (GMT)
From: Espacionaute Spiff domine! <MATOSSIAN@aries.colorado.edu>
From: bostic@CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Forwarded-by: notw-request@nine.org (NotW List Admin)
WEIRDNUZ.372 (News of the Weird, March 24, 1995)
by Chuck Shepherd
LEAD STORY
* In February, the defense minister of Sweden acknowledged that the
"Russian submarine" intrusions into Sweden's waters that had so
preoccupied the military for the last three years were actually only the
activities of frolicking minks. The minister blamed the error on
hydrophonic equipment installed in 1992. On a brighter note, according
to a January report in Jane's Defence Weekly, Sweden's military has
developed a prototype igloo, which sustains only minimal damage when
shelled by 155mm artillery. Construction material, i.e., ice, is cheap
and abundant, and, lacking metal, the structures (which would be offices,
hospitals, and helicopter bases) are invisible to the sensors that guide
"smart bombs." [St. Louis Post-Dispatch-Reuters, 2-11-95; Jane's Defence
Weekly, 1-7-95]
POLICE BLOTTER
* In November a man robbed a Barnett Bank branch in Orlando, Fla., but
the surveillance camera photographed him, and he appeared to be wearing
a fake-glasses-and-large-nose disguise, according to police interviewed
by the Orlando Sentinel. But when witnesses said the man's large nose
was in fact his own, the Sentinel published the photo. "Numerous" people
called the crime tips hot line to identify the fellow with the large nose
as a man named Chuck Newman. Police went to his home on December 8, and,
after a brief chase, arrested him. [Orlando Sentinel, 12-9-94]
* Dominic McDonnell and Cathy Snelson were married in London in July, just
weeks after they had met while they were arrested during a raid on a local
bar. They had spent two hours chatting, sitting on the floor with their
hands tied behind their backs, while police sorted out which suspects they
wanted and which were innocent. The couple was released and began dating
immediately. [[Bangkok Post-London Daily Star, Oct94]]
* Among the weapons reportedly used recently in robberies: a spray bottle
of toilet cleaner, pointed at a shopkeeper in Norwich, Ontario, in
December; a manhole cover, brandished by a street mugger who made off with
$75 from a man in Chicago in February; a golf ball, thrown by one of three
unidentified youths at a bicyclist, who fell off and was robbed of $75,
in December in Evansville, Ill.; and a pitchfolk, wielded by one of two
men in the robbery of a market in Greensboro, N. C., in October. [The
Union Jack, January 1995] [Chicago Skyline, 2-23-95] [Evansville Press,
Dec94] [Greensboro News-Record, Oct94]
* On the other hand, recent attempted thefts were foiled by victims
wielding (1) a large spatula and oven scrub brush in the aborted robbery
of a pizzeria in Dayton, Ohio, in December, and (2) a can of Raid, used
by a homeowner in Stark County, Ohio, in December to momentarily blind a
burglar. [Athens Messenger-AP, Dec94] [[Canton Repository, Dec94]]
* In July in Seattle, Wash., FBI agents arrested Johnny Madison Williams,
Jr., and his wife Carolyn on bank robbery and gun charges. According to
the FBI, the couple kept a record of their bank robberies, one entry per
heist, with columns marked Date, Day [of the week], State/County/City,
Location [address], Net Cash [taken in that job], and Running Total.
According to the record, the Williamses pulled off 56 robberies in eight
years, totaling nearly $900,000. Between jobs, the couple lived a quiet,
suburban life in Los Osos, Calif. [New York Times-AP, 7-14-94]
* In June, Roy Gordon, 22, was arrested in Antioch, Calif., after he
allegedly pulled a gun on a man and ordered him to try to fix Gordon's
truck. And in September, David Lynn Justice, 21, was sentenced to 30
years in prison in Houston, Tex., for kidnaping two women and forcing them
to buy him Twinkies and No-Doz and then to accompany him by car as he
visited residential Christmas decorations. [San Francisco Examiner,
6-18-94; Denver Post-AP, 9-10-94]
* Recent thieves with unusual needs: Two men in Loveland, Colo., were
accused of stealing five hedgehogs from a pet store in January; two men
in Yuba City, Calif., tried to steal a still-hot barbecue grill at a
county probation office picnic last April; a 43-year-old man in
Wilmington, N. C., was charged in September with digging up and taking
1,500 Venus's-flytrap plants; a 42-year-old man was charged in October
with stealing six slabs of the sidewalk at Forest Avenue and Shehy Street
in Youngstown, Ohio; and a serial doorbell thief hit houses in Long Hill
Township, N. J., in May. [Rocky Mountain News, 1-27-95] [[Marysville-Yuba
City Appeal-Democrat, 4-28-94]] [Wilmington Morning Star, 9-14-94]
[Youngstown Vindicator, 10-9-94][[Newark Star, 5-24-94]]
COINCIDENCES
* In November 1973, Madison County (Ind.) prosecutor William Lawler
obtained a conviction against 18-year-old Rodney Cummings for burglary,
a charge for which Cummings served a three-year probation. Cummings
recovered from his rocky start to become a police officer and lawyer, and
in the November 1994 elections, he knocked Lawler out of his job in a
close race. [Chicago Tribune, 11-11-94]
* Twins Lorraine and Levinia Christmas, en route in their cars to deliver
Christmas presents to each other in December near Flitcham, England,
collided. Neither was seriously injured. [Detroit Free Press, 12-28-94]
* Bob Bornack's billboard marriage proposal to Teri Ungar in October in
Wood Dale, Ill., was accepted. ("Teri, Please Marry Me! Love, Bob.")
However, the billboard company reported that ten other women named "Teri,"
who were dating men named Bob, inquired whether the message was for
them--including one Teri who was dating two men named Bob. [St. Louis
Post-Dispatch-AP, 10-12-94]
* In December, according to police, Cliff Brown shot his estranged wife
in the head three times and then took his own life in a quiet neighborhood
in Georgetown, Tex. The neighborhood had returned to normal since 1989,
when the couple that previously owned the Browns' house had also suffered
a tragedy in which the wife was shot to death and the husband--the only
suspect--had killed himself days later. [Austin American-Statesman,
Jan95]
LEAST COMPETENT CRIMINAL
* A 31-year-old woman was arrested in Antioch, Calif., in February after
she walked into the police station carrying a bag of methamphetamine she
said she wanted tested because she thought her boyfriend had added
hallucinogens to it. [Contra Costa Times, 2-18-95]
Copyright 1995, Universal Press Syndicate. All rights reserved.
Released for the entertainment of readers. No commercial use may
be made of the material or of the name News of the Weird.
