[772] in Humor
HUMOR: A New Element
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Andrew A. Bennett)
Fri Mar 17 15:26:03 1995
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Fri, 17 Mar 1995 15:22:49 EST
From: "Andrew A. Bennett" <abennett@MIT.EDU>
A classic. I'll send its counterpart along, too.
-Drew
Date: Thu, 16 Mar 1995 21:23:43 +0000 (GMT)
From: Espacionaute Spiff domine! <MATOSSIAN@aries.colorado.edu>
From: "Geoffrey S. Knauth" <gsk@marble.com>
Subject: A New Element: Woman
[ A woman sent this to me from Oxford, so don't flame me please! --gsk ]
- -------------------------------------------------------------------------
A New Element: Woman
Attention: All project managers.
WORKPLACE
HAZARDOUS MATERIALS
INFORMATION SYSTEMS
MATERIAL DATA TRANSMISSION
WOMAN- A Chemical Analysis
ELEMENT: Woman
SYMBOL: WO2
DISCOVERED BY: Adam
ATOMIC MASS: Accepted at 118lb but been know to vary from 100
550lbs.
OCURRENCE: Copious quantities in all urban areas.
PHYSICAL PROPERTIES
1. Surface usually covered with a Painted film.
2. Boils at nothing, freezes without reason.
3. Melts if given special treatment.
4. Bitter if incorrectly used.
5. Found in various states ranging from virgin to common ore.
CHEMICAL PROPERTIES
1. Has a great affinity for gold, silver, platinum and precious
stones.
2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.
3. May explode spontaneously without prior warning.
4. Insoluble in liquids, but activity greatly increased by
saturation in alcohol.
5. Most powerful money-reducing agent known to man.
COMMON USES
1. Highly ornamental, especially in a sports car.
2. Can be a great aid to relaxation.
TESTS
1. Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in natural state.
2. Turns green when placed next to a better specimen.
**HAZARDS**
1. Highly dangerous except in experienced hands.
2. Illegal to possess more than one.
Please pass on to all workers regularly coming in contact with the above
reagent.
