[678] in Humor
HUMOR: Until Update or the Continuing Saga of Pasture Patties
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Andrew A. Bennett)
Fri Jan 20 22:48:20 1995
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Fri, 20 Jan 1995 22:42:31 EST
From: "Andrew A. Bennett" <abennett@MIT.EDU>
Date: Fri, 20 Jan 95 13:32:31 PST
From: Connie_Kleinjans@Novell.COM (Connie Kleinjans)
****************************** Press Release **********************************
(Jezebel Valley, California) -- Until, the world's largest cow chip producer,
agreed Monday to provide free replacement for thousands of faulty cow chips it
shipped from its factory to unsuspecting users. The cow chips contain a design
flaw that can make it divide while floating during throws.
The flaw, known to Until since last summer's cattle roundup, was publicly
described on the Internet just a month ago by Dr. Denim Shirt, a professor at
the University of California, Davis. Dr. Shirt discovered the flaw while doing
research for his Bovine Excretia class.
"This could cause untold problems for chip users," said Dr. Shirt. "I was
having floating plop unbinding errors about once every 27 throws."
Until spin doctors disagreed. "We have threatened our scientists into
stating that the real figure is about once every 27 billion throws," said
Senior Vice President of Chip Manufacturing Willie-Joe Bob Tucker.
According to Inter-Bovine Milk, the world's largest milking operation
"that's a lot of cow s***!", said chairman Larry-Bob "Stonewall" Johnson III.
However, barnyard analysts noted that Bowel Movements Inc. (BMI) is
marketing a competing chip, called the Power Bovine Chip. BMI denied it was
suspending distribution of the Until chip in order to help sales of the Power
BC.
"Nothing could be further from the truth," said a snickering Johnson.
Until denied that it had deliberately withheld the truth about the chip
flaw from the public. "Frankly, we looked at the math of replacing all these
chips and, hell, we'd have to cut into our paychecks to do our customers
right" said Tucker, angrily spitting out his chew. "And hell, nobody wanted to
do that. So we all just went home and sat on the chips"
Until unveiled a new policy that will allow "any cowpoke who wants it" to
obtain the new chip for free by calling 1-800-NO-ANSWER. Until also announced
that it would pay for the replacement program by taking a charge from its
lucrative Flatulence Division, the company's leading-edge public relations
subsidiary.
- ------------------------- END Press Release ---------------------------------
Forwarded for your digestion:
Until-Understater (Underwater)
Tom Skinner
Our Slogan: And you thought that PC you just bought was hot!
... UNTIL...we just came out with a better one!
------- End of Forwarded Message
