[598] in Humor
HUMOR: Politically Correct Santa
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (abennett@MIT.EDU)
Fri Dec 9 15:41:11 1994
From: abennett@MIT.EDU
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Fri, 09 Dec 1994 15:35:56 EST
Date: Thu, 8 Dec 94 13:29:07 PST
From: Connie_Kleinjans@Novell.COM (Connie Kleinjans)
From: scott_schroeder@ins.com (Scott Schroeder)
From: rick@provider.ins.com (Rick Meisch)
>
>The following is a humorous PC Santa piece received via Internet. Please
>accept it with the good (and innocent) intentions it is forwarded with.
>
>
> Politically Correct Santa
>
>'Twas the night before Christmas and Santa's a wreck ...
>How to live in a world that's politically correct?
>His workers no longer would answer to "Elves",
>"Vertically Challenged" they were calling themselves.
>
>And labor conditions at the north pole
>Were alleged by the union to stifle the soul.
>Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety,
>Released to the wilds by the Humane Society.
>
>And equal employment had made it quite clear
>That Santa had better not use just reindeer.
>So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid,
>Were replaced with 4 pigs, and you know that looked stupid!
>
>The runners had been removed from his sleigh;
>The ruts were termed dangerous by the E.P.A.
>And people had started to call for the cops
>When they heard sled noises on their roof tops.
>
>Second-hand smoke from his pipe had his workers quite frightened.
>His fur trimmed red suit was called "Unenlightened."
>
>And to show you the strangeness of life's ebbs and flows,
>Rudolf was suing over unauthorized use of his nose
>And had gone on Geraldo, in front of the nation,
>Demanding millions in over-due compensation.
>
>So, half of the reindeer were gone; and his wife,
>Who suddenly said she'd enough of this life,
>Joined a self-help group, packed, and left in a whiz,
>Demanding from now on her title was Ms.
>
>And as for the gifts, why, he'd ne'er had a notion
>That making a choice could cause such a commotion.
>Nothing of leather, nothing of fur,
>Which meant nothing for him. And nothing for her.
>
>Nothing that might be construed to pollute.
>Nothing to aim. Nothing to shoot.
>Nothing that clamored or made lots of noise.
>Nothing for just girls. Or just for the boys.
>
>Nothing that claimed to be gender specific.
>Nothing that's warlike or non-pacific.
>No candy or sweets ... they were bad for the tooth.
>Nothing that seemed to embellish a truth.
>
>And fairy tales, while not yet forbidden,
>Were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden.
>For they raised the hackles of those psychological
>Who claimed the only good gift was one ecological.
>
>No baseball, no football ... someone could get hurt;
>Besides, playing sports exposed kids to dirt.
>Dolls were said to be sexist, and should be passe;
>And Nintendo would rot your entire brains away.
>
>So Santa just stood there, disheveled, perplexed;
>He could not figure out what to do next.
>He tried to be merry, tried to be gay,
>But you've got to be careful with that word today.
>
>His sack was quite empty, limp to the ground;
>Nothing fully acceptable was to be found.
>Something special was needed, a gift that he might
>Give to all without angering the left or the right.
>
>A gift that would satisfy, with no indecision,
>Each group of people, every religion;
>Every ethnicity, every hue,
>Everyone, everywhere ... even you.
>
>So here is that gift, it's price beyond worth ...
>"May you and your loved ones enjoy peace on earth."
>
> (c) Harvey Ehrlich, 1992
>
>Notice: This poem is copyright 1992 by Harvey Ehrlich. It is
> free to distribute, without changes, as long as this
> notice remains intact. All follow-ups, requests,
> comments, questions, distribution rights, etc should be
> made to mduhan@husc.harvard.edu. Happy Holidays!
>
