[4045] in Humor
[Fwd: Dealing with Telemarketers]
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Adrian Birka)
Thu May 29 02:07:13 2003
Message-ID: <3ED5B138.643273E8@mit.edu>
Date: Thu, 29 May 2003 02:05:28 -0500
From: Adrian Birka <adbirka@MIT.EDU>
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To: humor@mit.edu
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Hey, all:
I think the list has not been used for its purpose for a while ... to
change
that, I am sending the below. Enjoy.
Adrian.
> ------------
> One thing that has always bugged me, and I'm sure it does most of you, is
> to sit down at the dinner table only to be interrupted by a phone call from a
> telemarketer. I decided, on one such occasion, to try to be as irritating as
> they were to me. The call was from AT&T and it went something like this:
>
> Me: Hello
> AT&T: Hello, this is AT&T...
> Me: Is this AT&T?
> AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T...
> Me: This is AT&T?
> AT&T: Yes This is AT&T...
> Me: Is this AT&T?
> AT&T: YES! This is AT&T, may I speak to Mr. Byron please?
> Me: May I ask who is calling?
> AT&T: This is AT&T.
> Me: OK, hold on.
>
> At this point I put the phone down for a solid 5 minutes thinking that,
> surely, this person would have hung up the phone. Much to my surprise,
> when I picked up the receiver, they were still waiting.
>
> Me: Hello?
> AT&T: Is this Mr. Byron?
> Me: May I ask who is calling please?
> AT&T: Yes this is AT&T...
> Me: Is this AT&T?
> AT&T: Yes this is AT&T...
> Me: This is AT&T?
> AT&T: Yes, is this Mr. Byron?
> Me: Yes, is this AT&T?
> AT&T: Yes sir.
> Me: The phone company?
> AT&T: Yes sir.
> Me: I thought you said this was AT&T.
> AT&T: Yes sir, we are a phone company.
> Me: I already have a phone.
> AT&T: We aren't selling phones today Mr. Byron.
> Me: Well whatever it is, I'm really not interested but thanks for calling.
>
> When you are not interested in something, I don't think you can express
> yourself any plainer than by saying "I'm really not interested",but this
> lady was persistent.
>
> AT&T: Mr. Byron we would like to offer you 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a
> day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.
> Now, I am sure she meant she was offering a "rate" of 10 cents a minute but
> she at no time used the word rate. I could clearly see that it was time to
> whip out the trusty old calculator and do a little ciphering.
> Me: Now, that's 10 cents a minute 24 hours a day? AT&T: (getting a little
> excited at this point by my interest) Yes sir that's right! 24 hours a day!
> Me: 7 days a week?
> AT&T: That's right.
> Me: 365 days a year?
> AT&T: Yes sir.
> Me: I am definitely interested in that! Wow!!! That's amazing!
> AT&T: We think so!
> Me: That's quite a sum of money!
> AT&T: Yes sir, it's amazing how it ads up.
> Me: OK, so will you send me checks weekly, monthly or just one big one at
> the end of the year for the full $52,560, and if you send an annual check,
> can I get a cash advance?
> AT&T: Excuse me?
> Me: You know, the 10 cents a minute.
> AT&T: What are you talking about?
> Me: You said you'd give me 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week,
> 365 days a year. That comes to $144 per day, $1008 per week and $52,560
> per year. I'm just interested in knowing how you will be making payment.
> AT&T: Oh no sir I didn't mean we'd be paying you. You pay us 10 cents a
> minute.
> Me: Wait a minute here!!! Didn't you say you'd give me 10 cents a minute.
> Are you sure this is AT&T?
> AT&T: Well, yes this is AT&T sir but......
> Me: But nothing, how do you figure that by saying that you'll give me 10
> cents a minute that I'll give you 10 cents a minute? Is this some kind of
> subliminal telemarketing scheme? I've read about things like this in the
> Enquirer you know. Don't use your alien brainwashing techniques on me.
> AT&T: No sir we are offering 10 cents a minute for.....
> Me: THERE YOU GO AGAIN! Can I speak to a supervisor please!
> AT&T: Sir I don't think that is necessary.
> Me: Sure! You say that now! What happens later?
> AT&T: What?
> Me: I insist on speaking to a supervisor!
> AT&T: Yes Mr. Byron. Please hold on.
>
> So now AT&T has me on hold and my supper is getting cold. I begin to eat
> while I'm waiting for a supervisor. After a wait of a few minutes and
> while I have a mouth full of food:
>
> Supervisor: Mr. Byron?
> Me: Yeth?
> Supervisor: I understand you are not quite understanding our 10 cents a
> minute program.
> Me: Id thish Ath Teeth & Teeth?
> Supervisor: Yes sir, it sure is.
>
> I had to swallow before I choked on my food. It was all I could do to
> suppress my laughter and I had to be careful not to produce a snort.
>
> Me: No, actually I was just waiting for someone to get back to me so that I
> could sign up for the plan.
> Supervisor: OK, no problem, I'll transfer you back to the person who was
> helping you.
> Me: Thank you.
>
> I was on hold once again and was getting really hungry. I needed to end
> this conversation. Suddenly, there was an aggravated but polite voice at the
> other end of the phone.
>
> AT&T: Hello Mr. Byron, I understand that you are interested in signing up
> for our plan?
> Me: Do you have that friends and family thing because you can never have
> enough friends and I'm an only child and I'd really like to have a little
> brother...
> AT&T: (click)
>
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>
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