[390] in Humor
HUMOR: Comet Humor
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (abennett@MIT.EDU)
Mon Aug 1 22:35:06 1994
From: abennett@MIT.EDU
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Mon, 01 Aug 94 21:07:42 EDT
Date: Mon, 1 Aug 94 14:06:23 PDT
From: Connie_Kleinjans@Novell.COM (Connie Kleinjans)
Making the rounds like you wouldn't believe. (OK, you would.)
<Forwards removed>
The Top *16* Ways That Comet Hitting Jupiter Will Affect Life On Earth
16> Pentagon requests renewed nuclear arms buildup to keep up
with cometary gigatonnage.
15> Cosmic interference hampers the usually reliable Psychic
Hotline.
14> Gnarly waves, dude!
13> Public pressure forces Congress to fund Hubble Space
Catcher's Mitt as a precaution.
12> Madonna starts hanging out with Carl Sagan.
11> While everyone is looking up, OJ Simpson tiptoes out
of the country.
10> Well, you certainly won't be able to sit down for a while!
(Oops! That's how a comet hitting *Uranus* will affect life!)
9> Elroy Jetson starts popping up on the "Have You Seen Me"
milk cartons.
8> Astronomer-Hooligans go wilding through Central Park.
7> Time magazine reconsiders naming earth, "Planet of the Year."
6> Astronomers start livin' like rock stars and gettin' all
the babes (and studs).
5> If Jupiter is in your astrological house, better stock
up on the Stridex and Oxy-5!
4> Newark improves its status from 3rd worst place in the
universe to 4th.
3> Schoolkids nationwide begin flinging "comet peas" at the
lunchlady.
2> Exports to Jupiter of "**** HAPPENS" bumper stickers
skyrocket!
and the #1 Way That Comet Hitting Jupiter Will Affect Life On Earth...
1> At the moment of impact, radio signals from Alpha Centauri
received, saying: "Goooooooooooooooooooooooooal!!!!!!"
