[382] in Humor
HUMOR: I'm NOT going to make a joke about picking NOSes
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (abennett@MIT.EDU)
Thu Jul 28 09:20:04 1994
From: abennett@MIT.EDU
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Thu, 28 Jul 94 08:59:38 EDT
Date: Wed, 27 Jul 94 13:06:17 PDT
From: Connie_Kleinjans@Novell.COM (Connie Kleinjans)
From: philg@heart.cardiac.com (Phil Gerring)
<forwards blowing their NOSes>
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HEADLINE: If networks were people
Copyright 1994 by Network World Inc., Framingham, MA
01701
Having received a spate of queries about network
operating systems during the past few weeks, I thought
I'd devote this column to explaining the nature of the
key NOSes and related network services.
To make the NOSes easier to understand, let's look
at them as if they were people you knew.
Apple's AppleShare: This is your aunt Matilda, who
is very religious and won't talk to anyone but her
children. She completely ignores everyone else.
Apple's Macintosh System 7: Matilda's very
religious children who talk only among themselves or
people who they think are as equally religious.
Novell's NetWare 2.X: This is your uncle Edward,
who owns that old house down the block. He used to be
big in business, but he's old now and has been on life
support for a couple of years. His health care company
is about to pull the plug.
Novell's NetWare 3.X: Your older brother Eric, who
has about a thousand kids. Eric is a fast talking
corporate manager who works hard and lives in a modern
house full of gadgets. He knows all about accounting
and organization but has little empathy for his
employees or his kids. He's got lots of friends in the
business who are wary of him, just as his kids are.
Novell's NetWare 4.X: this is your younger brother
Tarquin, who manages to talk even faster than Eric. He
has been looking for a management job for the past 18
months. He has the most amazing theories about
management that no one really understands, and he
lives in a house that he can't afford.
Novell's Personal NetWare: One of Eric's kids. He's
overweight, pimpled and talks nonstop to his siblings.
No one is sure what to do with him. He may grow up to
be likable or he may get shot ``accidentally'' in a
freak gun accident at home.
Artisoft's LANtastic: Here is your cousin Phyllis.
She runs a small business and has only a few clients.
She'll talk to anyone except Matilda. She's very small
and moves pretty fast, and while she knows she should
lock the house, she never bothers to.
Artisoft's CorStream: This is Phyllis' son who
sponges off Tarquin. He's about to graduate, and
everyone is curious to see what job he'll get.
Banyan's VINES: Your old college professor who
everyone refers to as ``the Rocket Scientist.'' His
students seem to think he's the messiah, but he's
pushed for higher tuition fees, and the students are
all annoyed with him.
FTAM: This is your crazy old granny who only speaks
Esperanto backwards, lives in the attic and refuses to
communicate any other way than by passing notes under
the door.
IBM's LAN Server: Your neighbor Frederick, who was
adopted when he was young by very conservative people.
He speaks in acuriously convoluted way, and he's
really only at home with his adopted parents' family.
Microsoft's Windows NT Advanced Server: This is
your other neighbor, Robert (``My friends call me
Flash, heh heh. Love your tie, where did you get it?
Have you seen my Ferrari?''). He is a sales whiz kid.
He is highly visual and is always waving his arms
around as he talks. He lives in a huge house and has
stuff in every room. He is the type of man who tickles
children until they cough up blood.
NFS: Your other crazy old granny who runs a lending
library. She will only lend to people who speak to her
nicely and makes them pin up a photograph of the
library in their houses before they can access the
books.
Windows for Workgroups: Doug, the older brother of
your neighbor Robert. He's not quite as flashy as Bob.
He looks similar, although much shorter, and you can
see he needs to put on some weight. He has breakdowns
at regular intervals and can only do one thing at a
time.
So there we have it. Is everything clear now?
Updated June 27, 1994
