[381] in Humor
HUMOR: NoTW June 10
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (abennett@MIT.EDU)
Wed Jul 27 16:03:52 1994
From: abennett@MIT.EDU
To: humor@MIT.EDU
Date: Wed, 27 Jul 94 15:47:01 EDT
Date: Fri, 01 Jul 1994 19:10:37 -0600 (MDT)
From: Espacionaute Spiff domine! <MATOSSIAN%ARIES@VAXF.Colorado.EDU>
From: dave-barry@marble.com (Keith Bostic)
WEIRDNUZ.331 (News of the Weird, June 10, 1994)
by Chuck Shepherd
Lead Story
* In May, according to the New York Times, Andre Balazs, owner of
Hollywood's Chateau Marmont Hotel, and Katie Ford, co-president of the
Ford modeling agency, were asked by the doctor who delivered their baby
at Mount Sinai Hospital whether they wanted to eat the baby's placenta.
Stunned, Balazs and Ford declined. The doctor said, "I've had a few
couples who wanted to do that." [New York Times, 5-6-94]
Overreactions
* In December in Los Angeles, Patrice Lavann Haslip was charged with
shooting her husband in the head because he was making too many errors
filling out entry forms for the $10 million grand prize in the
Publishers Clearing House and American Family Publisher sweepstakes.
[Los Angeles Times, 12-31-93]
* A 22-year-old, formerly long-haired man was arrested and charged with
vandalism in Hengelo, The Netherlands, in December, after he allegedly
caused $50,000 damage to a barber shop. He said he had grown
increasingly upset that, two weeks before, a barber had wildly overdone
his request for a "slight trim." [Northwest Florida Daily News,
12-30-93]
* Recent beatings in the news and their provocations: Larry Dean
Weaver, 27, Allentown, Pa. (punched his mother in frustration in
February at not being able to connect his VCR to his TV set); Jose
Archuleta, 32, San Antonio, Tex. (in March attacked the driver of an
ice cream truck that was playing "Pop! Goes the Weasel" repeatedly over
the loudspeaker); Tracy and John O'Donnell, Westport, Conn. (brawled on
their wedding day in August after Tracy thought John was putting cake
into her mouth too hard). [The Morning Call, 2-4-94] [Austin
American-Statesman-AP, 3-8-94] [Athens Messenger-AP, 8-3-93]
* Recent shootings in the news and their provocations: William Bronson,
33, Birmingham, Ala. (allegedly shot two Hardee's employees in August
because they wouldn't let him use the men's room before the store
opened); a 14-year-old boy, Metairie, La. (shot his teacher in January
because she assigned him a classroom seat in the front row); Marlene
Lenick, 60, Sewall's Point, Fla. (allegedly shot her husband in October
after he announced he wanted to watch yet another football game on TV).
[USA Today, 8-10-93] [Dallas Morning News, Jan94] [Arlington Journal,
Oct93]
* Recent stabbings in the news and their provocations: Margaret
Armstrong, 64, Toronto (in December allegedly stabbed her husband, 60,
repeatedly because he talked too much while she was watching TV); Jimmy
Durante, 56, Fredericksburg, Va. (was stabbed in the neck in April when
his putter broke off during a club-to-club duel with another golfer
about courtesy on the green). [San Francisco Examiner-Reuter, 12-17-93]
[Newport News Daily Press-AP, 4-8-94]
Compelling Explanations
* Victor Shaw, 56, was arrested near White River Junction, Vt., in April
after trying to break through a police "rolling roadblock" on Interstate
89. Shaw, who was charged with DUI and other offenses, said, "I saw it
so many times in the movies I had to try it." [Lebanon Valley News,
Apr94]
* In April, John Patrick Murphy was sentenced to 4-1/2 years in prison
for 10 counts of making terroristic threats to various St. Paul, Minn.,
area judges and prosecutors, including instances of slashing their tires
and leaving dead animals outside their homes. Said Murphy, when his
victims complained: "I think they're consumed by hate, anger, and
revenge." "[They]'ve got to let the anger go." [Fargo Forum, Apr94]
* South Carolina state Sen. Robert Ford, after it was revealed in May
that he had mailed advertisements for his Charleston car dealership at
taxpayer expense: "I don't know every damned thing in that ethics law."
[Columbia State, 5-15-94]
* In February at the trial of former office manager Carol Reinbold, who
is charged with misuse of over $600,000, an accountant testified that
Reinbold told him that she took the money and spent much of it on
clothes. However, the accountant said, she did that only to sell them
in order to make money to lend to her former husband, who needed money
for his safety because his girlfriend is the wife of a lieutenant of
General Manuel Noriega. [Philadelphia Inquirer, Feb94]
* In May the Minneapolis Star-Tribune reported that George Puzak, a
member of the city's Park and Recreation Board, had requested
reimbursement for official travel at 29 cents a mile despite the fact
that he travels by bicycle. State Rep. Phyllis Kahn said she has billed
the state for official travel by bicycle since 1979 but not at the
maximum rate. She said she always requests a per-mile rate that covers
the cost of the bananas and yogurt she eats for "fuel," plus a penny a
mile for bicycle depreciation. [Minneapolis Star-Tribune, 5-4-95,
5-5-94]
* In October, Deptford, N. J., politician Mike Mostovlyan told the
Philadelphia Inquirer that he had not intended to send the two large,
dead fish he sent through the mail to his political foe, Deputy Mayor
Bea Cerkez. Actually, said Mostovlyan, he had intended to mail the fish
to a friend in Puerto Rico and a book to Cerkez and simply mislabeled
the packages. [Philadelphia Inquirer, 10-23-93]
* A jury in San Mateo, Calif., was unable to reach a verdict in February
in the case of Dr. Eric Southwood, 66, who was on trial for sexual
battery for fondling the breasts of several female patients. His lawyer
told the court that Southwood simply lacks an appropriate bedside manner
and is overly concerned with potential breast cancers, but according to
the arresting officer, Southwood said the women were attractive and that
he just "likes breasts." [San Francisco Chronicle, 2-15-94]
* Michael Stokes, 37, of Elsmore, Kan., was charged in April with
threatening President Clinton's life because Clinton refused to support
prayer in public schools. [Kansas City Star-AP, 4-9-94]
Least Competent Person
* Timothy Sprous, 18, was arrested in Cedar Rapids, Iowa, in May and
charged with vandalism for painting graffiti on cars. Sprous had not
used spray paint but rather ordinary cans of brush-on paint, and
consequently police were able to follow a trail of paint drippings from
a car to the front door of a house on Second Avenue, down the stairs,
and into a storage closet, where they found the paint-speckled Sprous
hiding. [Cedar Rapids Gazette, 5-4-94]
Copyright 1994, Universal Press Syndicate. All rights
reserved. Released for the personal use of readers.
No commercial use may be made of the material or of the
name News of the Weird.
