[3582] in Humor
Politically correct 12 days of Christmas
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Johnny T. Yang)
Thu Dec 20 23:45:13 2001
Message-Id: <5.1.0.14.2.20011220234309.04983080@hesiod>
Date: Thu, 20 Dec 2001 23:43:28 -0500
To: humor@mit.edu
From: "Johnny T. Yang" <jtyang@MIT.EDU>
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On the 12th day of the Eurocentrically imposed midwinter festival,
my Significant Other in a consenting adult, monogamous relationship
gave to me:
TWELVE males reclaiming their inner warrior through ritual drumming,
ELEVEN pipers piping (plus the 18-member pit orchestra made up
of members in good standing of the Musicians Equity Union as
called for in their union contract even though they will
not be asked to play a note).
TEN melanin-deprived testosterone-poisoned scions of the patriarchal ruling
class system leaping,
NINE persons engaged in rhythmic self-expression,
EIGHT economically disadvantaged female persons stealing
milk-products from enslaved Bovine-Americans,
SEVEN endangered swans swimming on federally protected
wetlands,
SIX enslaved Fowl-Americans producing stolen non-human
animal products,
FIVE golden symbols of culturally sanctioned enforced
domestic incarceration, (NOTE: after members of the Animal
Liberation Front threatened to throw red paint at my computer,
the calling birds, French hens and partridge have been
reintroduced to their native habitat. To avoid further
Animal-American enslavement, the remaining gift package
has been revised.)
FOUR hours of recorded whale songs,
THREE deconstructionist poets,
TWO Sierra Club calendars printed on recycled processed
tree carcasses, and
ONE Spotted Owl activist chained to an old-growth pear tree.
Merry Christmas.
Happy Chanukah/Hanukkah.
Good Kwanzaa.
Blessed Yule.
Oh, heck! Happy Holidays!!!! (unless otherwise prohibited by
law) Unless, of course, you are suffering from Seasonally
Affected Disorder (SAD). If this be the case, please
substitute this gratuitous call for celebration with a
suggestion that you have a thoroughly adequate day.
