[3575] in Humor
HUMOR: Things to Ponder
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (South of Heaven)
Mon Dec 3 15:09:33 2001
Message-Id: <200112032008.PAA15706@melbourne-city-street.mit.edu>
Date: Mon, 03 Dec 2001 15:07:59 -0500
To: humor@mit.edu
From: South of Heaven <descentr@MIT.EDU>
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Did you ever wonder about those people who spend
$2.00 apiece on those little
bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian
backwards. NAIVE
Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like
making a peeing section
in a swimming pool?
OK...so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the
"Jags" and the Tampa Bay
Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs", what does that
make the Tennessee Titans ?
If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea ... does
that mean that one enjoys it?
There are three religious truths:
1. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
2. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the
leader of the Christian faith.
3. Baptists do not recognize each other in the
liquor store or at Hooters.
If you take an Oriental person and spin him around
several times, does he
become disoriented?
If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't
people from Holland called
Holes?
Why do we say something is out of whack? What's a
whack?
Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy
adultery?
If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts"
and you put your two cents
in . . . what happens to the other penny?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a
broker?
Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't
they just stale bread to
begin with?
Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist
but a person who drives
a race car not called a racist?
Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked,
doesn't it follow that
electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted,
cowboys deranged, models
deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners
depressed?
If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it
Fed UP?
Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses
of bald men?
Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post
Office? What are we
supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just
put their pictures on the
postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them
while they deliver the mail?
If it's true that we are here to help others, then
what exactly are the
others here for?
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
