[3574] in Humor
FDA Warning Labels
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Johnny T. Yang)
Sun Dec 2 22:43:48 2001
Message-Id: <5.1.0.14.2.20011202223916.00a51ec0@hesiod>
Date: Sun, 02 Dec 2001 22:39:59 -0500
To: humor@mit.edu
From: "Johnny T. Yang" <jtyang@MIT.EDU>
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Due to increasing products liability litigation, American beer Brewers have
accepted the FDA's suggestion that the following warning labels be placed
immediately on all beer containers:
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell
happened to your bra.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering
when you are not.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends
over and over again that you love them.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers
are really dying for you to telephone them at four in
the morning.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically
converse with other members of the opposite sex
without spitting.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical
Kung Fu powers, resulting in you getting your ass kicked.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the
morning and see something really scary.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable
rug burns on the forehead.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are
tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are
invisible.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are
laughing WITH you.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause a disturbance in the
time-space continuum, whereby gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.
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Due to increasing products liability litigation, American beer Brewers
have accepted the FDA's suggestion that the following warning labels be
placed immediately on all beer containers:<br><br>
<br>
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell
happened to your bra.<br><br>
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering
when you are not.<br><br>
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a
retard.<br><br>
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your
friends<br>
over and over again that you love them.<br><br>
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can
sing.<br><br>
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that
ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in<br>
the morning.<br><br>
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically
converse with other members of the opposite sex<br>
without spitting.<br><br>
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical
Kung Fu powers, resulting in you getting your ass kicked.<br><br>
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in
the<br>
morning and see something really scary.<br><br>
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable
rug burns on the forehead.<br><br>
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are
tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.<br><br>
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are<br>
invisible.<br><br>
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people
are<br>
laughing WITH you.<br><br>
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause a disturbance in the<br>
time-space continuum, whereby gaps of time may seem to literally
disappear.<br><br>
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy. <br><br>
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