[3382] in Humor
HUMOR: Breaking news
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Sharalee M. Field)
Fri Dec 15 09:40:40 2000
Message-Id: <4.3.2.7.2.20001215092744.023d1500@pop.fas.harvard.edu>
Date: Fri, 15 Dec 2000 09:28:30 -0500
To: mowu@MIT.EDU, "MEGallagh@aol.com" <MEGallagh@aol.com>, kris@speechcode.com,
jbran18610@aol.com, dunbar@MIT.EDU, dahv@MIT.EDU,
may.tsai@worldnet.att.net, immer@MIT.EDU, jacktheflash@mediaone.net,
lfdc@mediaone.net, tlawlor@palmerdodge.com, tenn917@msn.com,
lindamarc@juno.com, bmendell@mediaone.net, GDeVoe@rimco.com,
celia_kent@harvard.edu,
Maryellen Fitzgibbon <mfitzgib@fas.harvard.edu>,
cjwells@fas.harvard.edu,
Cheryl Guarino Buccelli <c_buccelli@harvard.edu>,
leite@fas.harvard.edu, wthtx@aol.com,
"mbullet@fas.harvard.edu" <mbullet@fas.harvard.edu>, humor@MIT.EDU
From: "Sharalee M. Field" <sharalee_field@harvard.edu>
Mime-Version: 1.0
Content-Type: text/plain; charset="us-ascii"; format=flowed
>X-envelope-info: <jade@bolt.sonic.net>
>Date: Thu, 14 Dec 2000 18:46:07 -0800 (PST)
>From: Carol Jade <jade@sonic.net>
>To: Sappho <sappho@apocalypse.org>
>Subject: (God) Breaking news
>
>
>BREAKING NEWS: GOD OVERRULES SUPREME COURT VERDICT
>Bush to be smitten later today
>
>In a stunning development this morning, God invoked the "one nation, under
>God" clause of the Pledge of Allegiance to overrule last night's Supreme
>Court decision that handed the White House to George Bush.
>
>"I'm not sure where the Supreme Court gets off," God said this morning
>on a rare Today Show appearance, "but I'm sure as hell not going to lie back
>and let Bush get away with this bullshit."
>
>"I've watched analysts argue for weeks now that the exact vote count in
>Florida 'will never be known.' Well, I'm God and I DO know exactly who voted
>for whom. Let's cut to the chase: Gore won Florida by exactly 20,219 votes."
>
>Shocking political analysts and pundits, God's unexpected verdict overrules
>the official Electoral College tally and awards Florida to Al Gore, giving
>him a 289-246 victory. The Bush campaign is analyzing God's Word for
>possible grounds for appeal.
>
>"God's ruling is a classic over-reach," argued Bush campaign strategist Jim
>Baker. "Clearly, a divine intervention in a U.S. Presidential Election is
>unprecedented, unjust, and goes against the constitution of the state of
>Florida."
>
>"Jim Baker's a jackass," God responded. "He's got some surprises ahead of
>him, let me tell you. HOT ones, if you know what I mean."
>
>God, who provided the exact vote counts for every Florida precinct,
>explained that bad balloting machinery and voter confusion were no grounds
>to give the White House to "a friggin' idiot."
>
>"Look, only 612 people in Palm Beach County voted for Buchanan. Get real!
>The rest meant to vote for Gore. Don't believe me? I'll name them:
>Anderson, Pete; Anderson, Sam, Jr.; Arthur, James; Barnhardt, Ron..."
>God went on to note that he was displeased with George W. Bush's prideful
>ways and announced that he would officially smite him today.
>
>In an act of wrath unlike any reported since the Book of Job, God has
>taken all
>of Bush's goats and livestock, stripped him of his wealth and possessions,
>sold his family into slavery, forced the former presidential candidate into
>hard labor in a salt mine, and afflicted him with deep boils.
>
>Dick Cheney will reportedly receive leprosy.
>
>anon--
>
>"Those who cast the votes decide nothing. Those who count the votes decide
>everything." -- Joseph Stalin
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sharalee M. Field, Planning Analyst
Faculty of Arts and Sciences Planning Office
Harvard University
60 John F. Kennedy Street, Cambridge MA 02138
V: 617.495.8257 F: 617.495.8989 C: 617.512.7847
